my fathers daughter

I grew up with 3  sisters and 1 younger brother.  Mum always favoured our brother and she still does and yes that still bothers me.  Dad did favour his daughters more but he wasnt around much so that meant that Mum ruled the roost.  My mother is one of those timeless beauties.  An extremely gorgeous woman.  My older sister looks very much like Mum and so does my younger sister.  The other sister is actually our cousin  but grew up with us, hence the title sister.  It was always very interesting for me as people loved to tell mum how beautiful she was and they would look at my sisters and say that they looked just like mum and were so pretty!  Then they would look at me..... and I would get the look over and they would say 'you look just like your Dad'

Dad, mum and yes thats me!

So I grew up thinking that i wasnt up to par with my sisters and their beauty.  It didnt bother me very much as I was different than them and I liked being different.  I wasnt as social as them, I wasnt as normal as them.  I have always been darker, emotionally and intellectually.  I was also sick often, with really bad asthma.  Which in a way made me more of a loner as I couldnt run around and play with my siblings.  I listened to rock, while they listened to mainly pop music, I watched different type of movies, I read different types of books.  I was different.  there was a time I thought I must be adopted (but then i realized every teenager thought that!!)  I was socially awkward (still am to a degree) and I hated small talk and till today find it hard to strike up a conversation with strangers.
Both my sisters have no problem doing that, like Mum.  I learnt I was like Dad.  Straight talking, no nonsense, dark, moody, a loner and just different and of course I look just like him.  I have his smile (all of us actually have his smile), his eyes, his eyebrows, his look.  He was a complicated man, and I know I am a complicated woman, I inherited his way at looking at things and sizing things up.  we never speak first, we listen.
Till today Mum will say " you're just like your father"  and you know what, I like it when she says that.  I am after all my fathers daughter!

burn the bra

I detest wearing bras.  If I could I would be swinging free everyday!  No tight restricted, digging into your flesh bras.  Or worse still extremely padded and hot bras.
Its hard for me to get a good bra that doesn't cost the earth,  be sexy and fit well (i refuse to wear old women type bras).
I  am no Pam Anderson. neither am I a flat runway,  I have a decent enough rack that doesn't require further enhancements. Underwire bras have the extra support but they dig into your sides and leave unsightly scars, the ones with better support look like  something my granny in her 90's would want to wear.  and the pretty   Victoria's Secret ones are sexy with little support and always padded to the max.  Getting fitted for the right bra is the way to go, well that's what the manufacturers say anyway.  But each manufacturer has their own type of sizing and shape so if you buy one size from one brand i can bet you that a different brand will have a totally different size that fits you!
So when I find a type that fits and looks nice I usually buy a few at one go.  Then the problem of washing them is another  factor..... you cant throw them into the washing machine you have to hand wash the ones with underwires as they get all funny if you do.
but lazy me does throw them into the washing machine and then have to contend with pulling the damn bras back into shape, and even bending and unbending the wires!
I have my moments with feminism and although i do like wearing lingerie for the man, the bra is fast becoming a torture device. I am fortunate that my 'ladies' haven't felt the ravages of age and gravity (yet) so I can happily wander around the house braless. Would i still I wonder even when nature takes it course? 
All i know is one day very soon I may hold a party with the sole intention of burning the damn bra!

buttons for pregnant women

I think all pregnant women should wear buttons to tell the word that they are pregnant.  At least that will take away the guesswork on trains and buses.  Then we don't have to wonder if she is pregnant or just fat.
It is an insult to those of us that get offered a seat when we aren't pregnant.  And no so far it hasn't happened to me but I know I will be  mortified if someone stood up to give me a seat thinking I was pregnant, when i wasn't!
In this day and age of information overload, this could just be one other way to get a message out there fast and effectively.  After all we want the information given to us in a clear, concise and unobtrusive way.
A button on a woman's clothing telling the world that she is pregnant and needs to sit down, will take the heat off her and the person who cant decide to stand up and offer the seat.   No interaction is required except for the person to stand up and say politely " I see you are pregnant and need a seat, please take mine"  how easy is that!  No mistakes, no fuss.
The buttons could be given  out at hospitals, doctors offices, train stations, the list is endless.  it could also be a charity project, sell them to raise funds for children hospitals or orphanages.  The possibilities are endless.....

child free flights

Wouldn't it be wonderful if they had either child free flights or child free sections on planes??
I have nothing against the young adults, toddlers or infants that share the aircraft with me, except when they start kicking the seat in front and I am sitting in that seat, screaming because they are tired cos mum and dad thought a 6am boarding was fine for the children, simply throwing tantrums, running up and down the aisle...... the list of complaints can go on.
Yes I know that they are people too and have the right to travel with their parents and they need to move around and be occupied just like everyone else..... but everyone else doesn't scream and yell when its bedtime, or if they cant have their favourite toy!
Perhaps we could have child free sections, and no I am not talking business class or first class, cos most of us travel cattle class and bloody hell its time someone took notice of us back there!
So why not, why cant they allocate seats just for families and children, and let them annoy each other with the crying, screaming, kicking.  Let mum and dad get a taste of their own medicine.
It would be just like the hotels or restaurants that have openly branded themselves as child free places....
So why not child free sections on flights?  I don't really have a problem with the child being there, what I don't like is that parents seem oblivious to the noise, nuisance and mayhem that the precious ones create. Parents should start realizing that the rest of mankind isn't used to temper tantrums and noise created by these little humans.  we don't think its fun or cute to have junior hanging over the seat and staring at us while he/she picks away at his/her little nostrils.  I have children and they didn't misbehave and no I didn't smack them in public or threaten them in any way to keep them quiet and well behaved.
So all parents of unruly misbehaved children, perhaps one day you may find yourself in the back of the plane all in a class of your own and the rest of us can actually enjoy our flying experience.

UPDATE:  I read in today's papers (13th April)  that an Asian Airline actually has been misquoted by a Regional Travelers magazine  about child free sections on the upper deck of the A380's!  Oh my if only that quote wasnt misquoted!!

holding hands

Sitting in a fast food joint having lunch and watching the world go by..... bliss for a weekday afternoon.  Made possible by the fact that the company sent me on a 4 day course on safety in the workplace.  So lunch time was different this last week.  I could go out and relax and watch the world as I ate.
  The lunch crowds in town are different from the crowds  I see in the area where I work.  Here in town they were better dressed and better looking.....yes I did look at the gorgeous young men around... I am human!  Women in the designer shoes and handbags, harried mothers with kids in tow (it was the school holiday time). Tourists looking lost or just wandering around looking.
It was interesting,  and one particular couple caught my eye.  Obviously tourists, an older couple, probably a bit older than me, and they were walking, talking and holding hands.  They looked happy, content and secure in each others company.  and did I mention they were holding hands....
That has got to be the most special thing for me, holding hands.  You hold your child's hand when they are young, when walking with them.  Its a sense of security for both mother and child.  For lovers and partners, its like wanting that person to be by your side.  Its recognising that your lover or partner is yours, that those hands  when linked, can do it all together.
I noticed that couple because I miss holding hands......

feeling sorry for myself day

Today I have declared it to be "feeling sorry for myself day"  I will stay home in my pyjamas, do nothing except eat, watch useless television, ignore the son and pout as much as I want.
I think it started yesterday, this feeling sorry for myself thing.
First it was the handyman's no show
then the tailor - the man from India that comes around once a month to sell us material to make lovely Punjabi suits.  well its been months since I gave my orders but the damn suits still don't fit!  they were 6 inches off on the sides and it looked like I was wearing a sack.  So he has to redo them and hopefully this week I will be able to finally wear my new suits.  I still hope!!
Then it was my sister in law,  it was something she said.  she has maids, works half a day teaching, doesn't do any household chores except to drive to the supermarket and load up for a weeks worth of groceries and yesterday she said she loves her weekends so that she can do nothing except sleep and watch TV.  That was her reality I guess, not mine and it put into perspective that she has no idea how the other half lives.
And lets not forget the son, today he will be reminded that this isn't a hotel (unpaid one at that)  and he either shapes up or he can move out.
So I am off to enjoy my feeling sorry for myself day or perhaps I should call it "I am a bitch today, approach with caution!"

the elusive handyman

I think I actually hate him now.  The elusive handyman.  He must be an urban legend.  You think you will have him come over to repair your leaky taps but nope, he never turns up
Its been 4 weeks, yes thats right 4 long weeks of excuses of forgotten appointments, lies of out of stock taps, and simply not answering his phone.  Today was the last straw.  I called to reconfirm the appointment yesterday and was assured that he would be here at 11am to fix things.  This morning I got a call at 9.30am to inform me that he cant come at 11am as he had too many jobs lined up, he would come over in the afternoon.  I said no, as I had to be somewhere else at 4pm.  So I waited as I was told that he would come about 1pm or so.  In a nutshell I called the boss at 1.30pm and told them dont bother even if they did purchase the spare parts, told them to sue me if they wanted money for the spare parts already purchased,  but I had had enough and was going to look for another handyman

If I can find one, if not I will read up on how to change taps on the internet and do the bloody thing myself!!

advice.........

Have you ever wondered if the advice you get from your friends about dating and that special someone is really good advice.
Women tend to talk about whats happening in their lives with their girlfriends and yes sometimes we obsess about " why didn't he call', "why did he say  that"   Why, why, why.......
We want answers to everything and we want an explanation for it all.  We listen to our friends complain about their men and we emphatically declare that man an asshole and tell her to dump him......
We don't know what we are saying, and woe be that silly woman that actually takes advice from her female friends.  Women can be your worst best friend, we tend to think that every man has to do things in one way and one way only.  Who cares what he wants, this is what you should be getting from him!  And if he doesn't do it the "way its supposed to be" then he must be
a.  Married.
b.  Loser
c.  hiding something like a personality disorder
There is no winning with female friends, if your relationship doesn't pass muster or is different, they tell you that its not right.
What is right anyway, who says there is a right and wrong to any relationship....and I am not talking about the really bad relationships where violence is a way of life, or a serial cheater is the main course.  I am talking about the "normal' ones.  Not that i would know about a normal relationship.  I have only had one real relationship in my whole life, and that was my marriage and that didn't turn out very well!
But what about at my age, past 40 something and heading to 50, what should a relationship be like?  Would the friends and family understand what I was looking for?  actually here's a thought.... Do I know what I am looking for??
I have always done what I felt was right, never really listening to advice from friends or family.  I have got hurt in the process of going my own way but in the end I know I did what I wanted and survived and have become a better person for it.  So advice is nice to listen to, but will I take it............

older men vs younger men

I am no spring chicken but I always wondered how old would I go if I had to.  Its alright for men to date younger women, its actually expected and they get the 'respect' from their peers if they do go out and date young women.
 I was recently hit on by a much older man (this usually happens at the 'club') and it made me wonder,  if I had to, would I go out with a man so much older .... say 15 years older.  Would we have anything in common, would we have common interests?  Would he get annoyed with the music I listen to or the movies I watch?  My ex was/is older than me by 7 years, and I wonder if i stick to men my own age or younger solely because I had a bad experience with an older mate.  Do older men tend to be more controlling?  I did date older men a few years back and I found them boring,  sedate and lacking in spontaneity.
 With the younger ones I always wondered why they were out with me, an older woman.  I always thought that all men had one thing on their mind....sex, and that if I was getting older, sex would be less frequent and then what would the men want me for?  Is it all only about sex..... Would it be any easier if that is all it was about........

My non boyfriend (I still have to 'label' him as he isn't just a friend, or just someone I have sex with, or just a lover, or a boyfriend/partner) is a few years younger than me, not a significant number of years but I still wonder sometimes why he isn't out with a younger woman.  I am not uncomfortable about the age gap,  I don't feel older than him, I don't look older than him, I don't act like I am older than him, so why do I keep wondering what it is he likes about me.  Must be my scintillating personality!
He recently sent me an article  extolling the virtues of women over 40.  - go see the link - http://www.suddenlysenior.com/praiseolderwomen.html, (he sent me an abridged version of the article) which made me think that perhaps I need to stop wondering and just enjoy it.  Just enjoy the attention of a younger man .....

hangovers feel different at 40 something......

So I went out with the sisters last night, its been awhile since I had a drink and I (foolishly) thought I could stick to a couple of drinks and head home early......
Why do I delude myself.
We had  a couple of drinks at my favourite bar and as it got more crowded and noisy we decided to head off  to the "club" (one shall not mention names but those that do know me will know which club I frequent).  On a Friday night the club is usually pretty interesting and full of friends wanting to just have a drink in a quiet place....
well I ended up getting home past 1am and happily inebriated.
This morning however it is a totally different story....... with errands to run and of course waiting for the handy man to turn up to do the (long overdue) repairs, I couldn't have a lie in.  The handy man didn't turn up (he had some cock and bull story about the parts being out of stock..... who the hell runs out of taps!!) and I had promised to cook something for our family get together dinner tonight.  Which meant a trip to the supermarket.  I do always say, never again, wont drink so much when I have errands to do the next day..... do I ever learn...No.
So my trip to the supermarket on a Saturday morning was not pleasant, even on hangover free days I get annoyed with people but today it was worse.  Its getting harder to recover from a night out, it now takes me a whole day to sit with my head in my hands and moan and groan before I actually start to feel human again.  Lots of isotonic drinks and a greasy burger do help but generally it takes 24 hours of sheer hell before I want to face anyone.
A night out with the girls was fun but its a heavy price to pay the next day.....and when happily drunk I end up doing things I shouldn't, like enjoying a cigarette...

labels

google images

We all want to belong to something, so we stick a label on it and it makes us happy.  From labels like baby boomers, Gen X or Y or in the 80's it was the yuppies and metrosexual in the 90's.  Its all Labels, labels we put on ourselves to give us a sense of belonging.
Even in our relationships we need to stick labels on the type of relationship from love affair, friend with benefit or just plain relationship.  How is one different from the other?  How do we separate the distinctions between all the classifications and labels of a relationship??  Why do we need to stick labels in the first place.
I do chafe at the restrictions that labels place on us but I still sometimes feel safe and comfortable within the confines of that label, like  the labels that I place on myself,  domestic goddess, or mutton dressed as lamb, or middle aged rock chick.  I was asked recently "why can't you just do, why do you need to label it"  Why indeed.  Why do I need to know if this attempt of a relationship is a love affair? It actually has a label all unto itself, one which I am totally confused about and have no idea what to call it.  Why do I need to call it something?  To make it real perhaps, or to make me feel like I belong to something and someone........

in need of a handyman

I am a little handy in the house, I can change a light bulb, screw in a loose screw, paint the home and even do minor repair work for the toilets. I cant however operate an electric drill or change a shower head.  I think that I  probably would be able to learn how to do those things  if I had the time but because of the lack of said time I have to search far and wide for a handy man.

image from google

They aren't easy to find, these handymen.
I usually wait till I have a few minor repairs to do before I call one, and yes that includes changing some light bulbs!  I figure that if they were there might as well get them to do everything!
This time wasn't any different, I had a light switch that needed changing, curtain rails that needed re positioning and of course the major problem was a noise or rather a consistent humming in the pipes in the bathrooms, and a leaky shower.  I called our town council (the people that look after the building) and I was told that I couldn't have anyone come on a Saturday to look at it as the plumber preferred to come see the pipes on a week day!
I was given a hotline number though for after office hours, for the plumber or other matters for our building, and I called them  and they said a man would come around that night to check out the noise and the pipes.  It took him all of 3 minutes to listen to me prattle on about the noise and vibrations in my taps and he declared that it wasn't the buildings  problem and I had to call my own plumber.
I already had an appointment for Saturday for the handyman to come check it out.  I had made it a week earlier but he  missed the first appointment and I had to wait another week.  He finally turned up an hour late, and listened and checked and 10 minutes later said that he didn't have the parts and he would have to come back next Saturday.
So its been 3 weeks of me going back and forth making appointments, taking strange men through my bedroom and bathrooms and I still haven't had the pipes and leaky showers fixed.
I will wait again till the coming Saturday for the elusive handyman, and hopefully this time he will indeed live up to his name.

flirting

We all do it.  young and old. We flirt because it is fun.  it is interesting.  it makes life enjoyable.

I don't know about the rest, but I flirt generally because a person of the opposite sex thinks I am interesting and attractive enough to warrant a little attention.  there is that magic word.....attention.
Women generally crave a little attention and recognition that we look good and someone appreciates it.  It puts a little spring in our step.  It doesn't go beyond the few minutes of harmless banter.

I do not flirt much as I am too reserved and actually quite clueless about whether men are even looking at me.  But once in a while I enjoy a little flirting.... Like the bunch of young men that I buy my lunch from most days.  Its an old coffee shop close to the office and they never fail to bring a smile to my face with their gentle teasing.
My sister in Australia is a master at flirting. I like watching her flirt.  Its quite an art actually and she has always been good with people so she knows how to draw them out and before they know it she is teasing and flirting with them. I can already imagine her when we will be in Europe at the end of this year, flirting with every french and italian man we meet!  It will be interesting for sure. 
So for now I will enjoy my regular coffee shop flirting and perhaps when in Europe will learn from the master.

valentine's day

I am not the sort that 'celebrates' valentines day.  I think it is a waste of time and money.  Romantic candlelight dinners that cost the earth, florists that admit that on valentine's day is the day when they actually make their profits for the year!!  What a total waste.  More often than not the poor men have to fork out all that money to please a very demanding woman.  Why!?
How can it be a declaration of love when it is only for a day?   The die hard followers of V day will say that perhaps men do need a day to declare their love because usually they dont bother.  So,  force the suckers to go out one day at least and get the girl a bunch of roses.
Is Romance dead?  There is one couple that I know that defy everything I know about romance and men.  My older sister and her husband.  He will bring her flowers often and he doesnt wait for valentines day.  He always does something special for their anniversary and her birthday.   They arent perfect but the absolute love they share always makes me believe that yes, love can be forever and romance is not dead.
I dont think I would be comfortable if the man in my life would constantly declare that he adores me, but once in a while a bunch of flowers would be nice.  I dont expect it, and definitely not on Valentine's day, but sometimes ......
As women we need some attention, its like a flower, if you dont nurture and water it, it dies. A little attention goes a long way.  So even if you think that Valentine's day is crass commercialism at its best, tell the woman in your life that you are thinking of her.

restless

Ever so often I get restless.  I get the feeling of being caged in.  thats when I do stupid things like quit my job. 
Its dangerous because at 49+++ years old no one is going to hire me, Its dangerous because I still have a mortgage to pay and its dangerous because I have mouths to feed.
Staying in this job is the right thing to do, but the feeling of being caged and tied to something I dont like to do just because I have to is eating my insides.Thats is why I need to be my own boss, because my pride, ego and totally wrong ideas about what is right and wrong are always in contest with the powers that be.  If I was my own boss I could set my own policies and I can be the one that is right even if I was wrong!
I hate this restless feeling, it lasts for a few days usually.  Mondays are usually when I quit my job then regret it.  so this time i am going to wait a week and If I feel the same way on Friday, then I will quit and then panic and wonder how the hell i am going to pay the mortgage and feed myself and the son!

one fragile life

thats all we get, one chance to make the most of our life.  its fragile and can be taken away very quickly.
We forget that our bodies are just flesh and bones and it can be broken and life taken away at the blink of an eye.
so dont wait to tell that person how you feel about them
dont wait to tell your brothers and sisters that you love them
dont wait to tell your children everything about where they came from
dont wait to find your happiness
dont wait to make your heart happy

Life's too short.  Dont wait to live it

what our mothers should have told us

My sisters and I never had that chat with our mother.  We found out about the birds and the bees through school ( those infamous videos of why we bleed every month) and even then it was never very thorough and it didn't address the sexuality aspect of it.
It was only the bare facts that "this is what happened to women and stop asking why".  We found out by ourselves how babies were made and how babies came out (i have had 2 kids and I still wonder how the hell a baby can come out of "there").  Sex was never discussed and as sisters we didn't talk to each other about what was happening in our exploration of the same.  So here is my list of things that I wish my mother had told us.

1.  Sex is not a dirty word, and what you do behind closed doors with your partner is up to you.  There is no right or wrong.
2.  Don't sleep with every man you date (and no i did not do that!)  and don't marry the first man you sleep with (that I did!)
3.  Sex without feeling something for your  partner,  is empty.
4.  Sex when you are twenty is different to sex in your 40's.  It gets better!!
5.  Your Body will change as you get older, and when you have kids it does change alot!!
6.  You will not have that rush of maternal instinct when you give birth, you probably don't want to look at that crying weird looking thing that the nurses insist on putting on your breast!
7.  Marriage is hard work.  it takes two to make it work, it also takes compromise, willingness to change and a damn good sex life
8.  Your pubes will turn white too, just like the hair on your eyebrows will too
9.  You have no idea who you are until after 35
10.  It is not the end of the world if you don't have a boyfriend/husband all the time with you.  Being alone is not scary
11.  Menopause is real!  it happens to all of us, and it starts with your eyesight.
12.  Menopause makes women cranky, bloated, suddenly have a beer belly, forgetful and have hot flushes,  there is no cure for it but you can manage it. 
13.  Crying is good for you, but do it with a friend
14.  Trim your pubes or better still wax and do it often!
15.  Know your own body, if you don't,  how on earth do you expect a man to
16.  Masturbation is good for u!
17.  BOB - is short for battery operated buddy - buy one!
18.  Buy lingerie for your man and remember they don't care about the wobbly bits
19.  You do not always end up like your mother




this post will be updated as I gain new insights each day

letter to my sons

I count my blessings daily just because I have the two of you.  Its never been about being perfect as you both know I am not.  Its about being who I am.  I thank you both for letting me be me.
I count the two of you as my best friends as well, not just my sons, but of course there is a time and place for me being mum and me being your friend.  You will still get the "look" if you misbehave!

I wish for you to
be good responsible men
be good to old people, animals and the less fortunate
be loving and caring to those you love
dream and don't forget your dreams
choose your partner wisely as they will be the ones who will dream with you
Live your life as you want and not what someone else expects it to be
be confident and stand firm in your convictions
and lastly.........Please clean your room!

looking forward to Paris

Its only February and I cant wait for Paris...   The way I want to spend my half a century on this planet is to travel to the three cities I have always wanted to visit.  Paris, Rome and Florence. 
Planning began with an itinerary, what I want to see and do then the costs for travel and accommodation.   yes there is a spreadsheet!  

My sister in Australia hopefully will be going with me to celebrate this 50th year.  She is actually my cousin but she grew up with us and I don't see the difference whether sister or cousin.  As we both were born in the same year, and to confuse alot of people, we call each other twin.
Anyway we wanted to do something different so its Paris, Rome and Florence.  4 weeks of travel in the 3 cities,  I am all excited.
We have narrowed down the when to end October and November, the where is settled but we may include another city.  Its not going to be a tour with alot of other people, its just going to be us travelling at a leisurely pace and lingering in museums, walking and taking pictures and standing in awe of all the history and romance of the cities.  It will be autumn which is good as we both like the cold, and we are hoping that the crowds will be less at the Louvre and all the other museums we want to go to.  well one can hope...
One of the reasons I wanted to learn how to drive was so that my sister and I could hire a car in Florence and explore the Tuscan countryside by driving, as I still haven't learnt it may be too ambitious of us with only one driver.  Unless  my other sister joins us for that part of the trip..... so that's still a what if scenario.
The planning, the whole thought of being in Paris, Rome and Florence is just one big excitement for me.  I have a list for everything, from the places we must see, to the food we must try to the type of transport we will be using to the packing list! I don't know if the planning is more exciting for me or the trip itself!
All I know is that I am soooo looking forward to Paris and Rome and Florence and my 4 weeks or more away

cholesterol

I am beginning to hate that bloody word!
So like a good girl, and keeping to my promise, I did go back to the docs to have another round of tests to check on my cholesterol, blood sugar and uric acid levels.
three months ago my doctor did say it was something to be worried about as the cholesterol levels were very high.  I went on a strict eating plan and yes sometimes I did go off it but generally this time I was good..... not good enough as it turns out.
The results have improved a little ( a little!!!! bloody hell!) but doc said he will give me three more months to bring it down further.  And guess what..... the one thing I can do to improve the whole lot...... wait for it.....EXERCISE