Tuesday 25 September 2012

are your boobs smaller??

Not something one wants to hear...
But.....
I got asked that twice recently.  Not by men, but by two women that I work with.
What were they doing staring at my boobs!.

With the recent no gluten change in my daily diet, I have lost weight.  It is a lifestyle change and I will continue this as much as I can.
I dont want to lose too much weight, cos as one ages, being too skinny just makes one look more lined and old.  Sarah Jessica Parker comes to mind.  too skinny!!

I wish we could control where we lose the weight and not have it fall off my lovely girls. Its not just men that are obsessed by boobs.  Women are too.  We look at other women and we like to guess if the bra is padded, push up, the boobs natural or fake.  and if the boobs turn out to be fake, or in a padded to the max bra, we get all smug and feel better that someone else has smaller boobs than we do!
Not me though, seriously.  I do admire a nice rack, I do comment on them, but I dont feel inadequate about my girls.  I always had the best boobs in the house.  So I didnt know or care about how big my boobs were, until now.  I got used to having nice boobs.

So the idea is not to lose too much weight and hope to god if I do lose more weight they wont fall off my boobs!

Monday 24 September 2012

to dye or not to dye

I turn 50 in a few days
I only recently, say about 2 years or so ago,  started adding chemicals to my hair to keep the grey away.  I never really bothered about it until it started to become really noticeable.  I dislike fussing with my hair and doing anything about it, but looking at the grey, it was becoming apparrant that something had to be done.
The grey was aging me!  But I was getting older, try as hard as you want, you cant reverse it, even with cosmetic surgery.  The question I have to ask myself is, Do I really want to pass off as someone ten years younger or do I want to look my real age?
 
One part of me wants to leave the grey alone, another part of me keeps looking in the mirror and is horrified at the abundance of grey.  When I was much younger and had a full head of jet black hair, I used to say that I would never dye my hair, that is when I also realised 'never say never'.  So I have let vanity rule my head, in more ways than one!! I have succumbed and become one of the millions of women who cannot believe that they are getting older.  

We all love to be able to look younger, to have someone remark that we dont look our age.  It gives us a little boost to our fragile egos that we still look good and have people admire us, even if is in a backhanded compliment like ' you look good for your age'.  I like watching the surprise in peoples faces when they realise how old I really am. I dont advertise my age but you can see the mental calculations going on in their heads when I get asked and tell them how old my children are.

So in a way maybe I should keep adding chemicals to my head ( I sure hope they , the chemicals,   dont seep into my brain and turn me into some zombie in a few years .... oh wait how cool would that be!)  anyway.....
So the answer to the question of to dye or not, is, Yes.  The dyeing will continue.  Now to think about how to deal with white pubes!!

Friday 21 September 2012

convent schools and lesbians

Recently I had a conversation with a colleague in the pantry. One of those water cooler conversations.
This conversation was about her little girl starting school soon and how it was getting very competitive amongst parents trying to get their kids into good schools.
In the area where she lives there is a pretty good convent school and I asked why she wasnt considering that school

She didnt want her daughter to go to an all girls convent school as she thought thats where Girls become lesbians.
How interesting.  Do we tend to be attracted to the same sex if we go to a single sex school?
 Is there a higher percentage of women becoming lesbians if they attended a single sex school?  I wonder if anyone has done a study on this?
I went to a convent school and yes there were alot of girls having crushes on each other and even starting to explore with each other.  I do know that going to an all girls school made me shy and totally unable to interact with boys and later on men as well but I didnt have the girl crushes. I was too busy looking at the boys from the nearby all boys school.  Would boys then tend to be gay if they went to an all boys school, or is this only applicable to girls? 

But its an interesting thought,  about the connection between convent schools and lesbians.



Tuesday 18 September 2012

forbidden fruit

There have been a few cases in the papers recently about women teachers having it on with their teenage students.  Boys or young men about 15 years old or so.  As a mother of two young men, I got all high and mighty and appalled at these women.  How dare they seduce these innocent young men (yes and as a mother of two young men I did realise that 15 year old boys/men were not so innocent)  But it still made me think that it was not right.  After all, sex with an underage girl gets men into jail!

It hit home recently for me.....

MM - he doesnt look that young
Those that know me, know that I love motorsports and this weekend past, the MotoGP was on.  I marvel at those young men controlling those big mean machines,  and when I say young men, I really mean young.  One of them, he actually won the race for the Moto2 category, Mark Marquez is all of 19.  Yes you read right, 19!!



MM in middle, yes he is that young!
I have never  lusted after young men, and I am horrified each time a young man flirts with me but this time I watched with fascination at this lovely young man on the podium fresh from his victory looking so excited, happy and glowing.  He stood there on the podium licking his lips , alot, it was quite mesmerising.  Then I felt horrible, and I mean really horrible that this young man could invoke feelings of lust in me!!  It wasn't that I wanted to jump this young man, far from it.  But watching him made me realise that no matter how old we get, the sight of a beautiful young person does do things to ones libido!

I sincerely hope that I am not turning into some lustful old woman trying to hump every young man that crosses her path.  Its horrible just thinking about it!!

Friday 14 September 2012

my true self

There does come a point where I wonder if I am sharing too much on this blog.  But then that was the whole reason I started this writing thing.  Too many voices in the head.  Too many thoughts that needed an outlet for processing.

I haven't told everyone I know about my blog, I haven't advertised it on facebook, or put a link on facebook either. I have my uncles and aunts on facebook  and I doubt they would want to read about my sex life (or lack of it).  and we all know how I feel about facebook too!
 I wanted this blog to be an honest outlet for my emotions, my life and for it to be a good representation of who I am.  But I hesitate to talk about my depression, the suicidal thoughts.  Yes, there have been really dark days for me, days when I stand at my kitchen window and wonder what it would feel like if I stepped off the ledge.  Living on the 13th storey of an apartment building does have its interesting moments!
I haven't been open about my love life recently as its been a roller coaster this past few months.  Right now its getting confusing and I dont know what to do. 

Sharing is new to me, I have always been this extremely private person and have bottled everything up, writing this is like my very own therapy free of charge. Putting pen to paper, or in this case, pounding away at the keyboard,  does make me feel better.
So will I be true to myself and open up about everything..... Warts and all.  hmmm.....

Thursday 13 September 2012

Paris will have to wait

I planned to go to Europe this autumn and I was looking forward to visiting Rome, Florence, Naples and Paris.  Then to be realistic we (my cousin and I ) shortened it to just Paris and the UK (the UK as we have a sister and a brother each that live there).
But now we aren't going anywhere.

I am disappointed as I have been planning this from the beginning of this year but I guess this is where I have to suck it up and think of someone else before me.
My cousin hasn't had a very good year, she has had to deal with the pain of selling a home she loved and see her marriage come to an end. She bought a new place and with all that has been happening, a trip to Paris and the UK wasn't going to do her pockets or her peace of mind, any good.

So Paris and Rome and Florence will just have to wait ..........

Tuesday 11 September 2012

my friend murphy

He loves me methinks
cos what can go wrong generally does for me

I came home last night around 10.15pm after having a birthday dinner at Mum's (mum turned 75 yesterday) and the lock on my front door seemed a bit odd.  Luckily son no 2 was home to let me in.  But when he locked the door, it jammed.  It does do that sometimes so I thought by morning it might be ok.   But as I had an early morning crew call, I thought I had better let the project team know that I may have a problem getting out of my home.
And of course I did.  I was up at 5.30am to get ready for our early morning crew call and I couldnt open the door.  It was jammed. Fucking lock just wouldnt open (note to self, when something jams like that the night before, it generally will be the same in the bloody morning!).  I was trapped in my own home.  Which does beg the question, why didnt they make a back door or fire exit in these government built flats for the majority of the citizens.  Do flats/apartments have a back door to escape?
Anyway
Google, being the best friend that he/she is,  threw up a few 24 hour locksmiths that I could call.  They lie, they arent 24hrs, they dont answer their fucking phones!
the unhinged lock!
The first one I got (finally) said he could only come at 11am.  The next one didnt understand what I was saying and the third (yes i didnt miss the third time lucky reference) said ok will be there at 8am.  He finally arrived at 9.30am. knocking on my door and asking for me to slide the front door key to him through the tiny gap under the door.  So he managed to open it and it took him all of 15 minutes to change the lock and make my pockets lighter by $100.  I did try to put on the 'pity me I am a little ol woman' look and ask for a discount.  But he wasnt having any of it.

Its been a terrible start to the week, with Monday, well it was just that, a Monday, and of course today.  One can just hope Murphy will take his laws and piss off somewhere else where he isnt wanted and just stay away from me!

Tuesday 4 September 2012

airline food, a holiday and detox

I started my detox 3 weeks ago and it just so happened to coincide with my sudden decision to fly to Perth for a bit of a break.  I had to see this detox through to determine what was making me bloated, gassy and very uncomfortable.

Well suffice to say detox and holidays are a bad mix.  I had a long list of things I couldn't eat or drink.  No coffee, no alcohol, no sugars, no fruit, no gluten, no dairy, no tomatoes, no avocados, no mushrooms, no preservatives, the list was endless.  Here I was in the land of fresh fruit, wine and dairy and I couldn't indulge in any of it. It was a very very hard thing to do.  I managed to stay off gluten  (98% of the time), fruit and some dairy but the rest was too hard.  Especially walking past those sinfully luscious gelatos.
What I hadnt realised was that I also had to restrict my food on the flight to Perth, a gluten and dairy free meal is what I opted for.  I was a little excited about that as I was going to be one of those people that always got their food first.  Well..... it wasnt anything to get excited about.....but I did learn one thing, that rice crackers are probably the one thing I will not be adding to my interesting repertoire of gluten free snacks.

On the whole the holiday was a good break even if I had to be creative with food.  Australia is a good destination if you are looking at options for the gluten intolerant.  They even had gluten free bread in the supermarkets.  (no we dont get it in Singapore!!)  I usually bring back loads of chocolates and cheese from my holidays in Australia but this time I didn't.  I came back with red and black Quinoa, olive oil, herbal teas, variations of brown rice and fresh nuts and dried fruit.  A lifestyle change indeed!

I am still going to try to stay off certain foods, like gluten and reintroduce slowly all those that I had to forgo during detox to see what else contributes to my rather embarrassing gassy state. It is getting better and I feel better too ( look better too if the admiring glances from all those foreign workers is anything to go by!)
A new me is emerging, healthier and better informed about what I put into my mouth (hmm well yes what I put into my mouth isnt always something I swallow but thats another post altogether!! )