Wednesday, 17 May 2017

its about dignity

I have spent the recent months visiting various hospitals in Singapore, first with my aunt, then mum then the son.

While the son had insurance and could have gotten a room to himself, the hospital was full so he ended up in the general ward with lots of other people about.   Lots of elderly people.
It made me think seriously about when I get old. 

I watched the old men in the ward being fed, bathed, diapered and medicated, all by strangers.  The care was good but it was perfunctory.  The nurses were absolutely wonderful with the old men, they were gentle and kind but I wonder about the helplessness of it all.
It makes you think…

I dont want to be a burden to my family, as it will take time and effort to care for an elderly family member.   I don’t want to end up in a care facility or home  where I am ‘looked after’ by someone else. I don’t mind if I was able bodied and lived in a nursing home but  I do not want someone to bathe me or feed me or put me in diapers.  I may change my mind when I get to be elderly, I may be quite happy to be fed, bathed, be treated like an object that needs care.

  I really wish we could, like the movie Logans Run, know that we will be terminated at a certain age… not as early as 30 in the movie but say 75 and that’s it, and have the option, to be offed earlier if we get terminally sick. 

Yes I know there are legitimate ethical questions to ask here but seriously wouldn’t that help with astronomical health care bills and insurance premiums?
The hospitals, doctors,  Pharmaceutical and Insurance companies will of course cry foul, as they are the ones benefiting right now. 

Just think,  all of us know when we are to be terminated, so we live our lives accordingly.  We make sure we go through that bucket list and plan everything to end at 75.  No surprises, unless one is ill and is terminated earlier…

That way I know whats coming (yes I am a control freak) and I wont have to be dependent on someone helping me to wipe my arse, bathe me, feed me and in turn I don’t become a burden to my family as being a care giver is one of the toughest things to do, the guilt of not doing enough or the strain of doing too much.

But most of all it will allow me some control of my own destiny and perhaps dying with dignity.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

a trying time

Things have been rather hectic lately

The last 6 weeks or so have had me heading to the hospital twice because of mum.  Mum's been diagnosed with TIA which are like tiny strokes in the brain to warn her that her vessels in the brain are narrowing to a dangerous level.  its been a continuous cycle of getting her blood pressure stable enough and for her to stay calm should she have an episode.

She's been feeling vulnerable and afraid and it has  put a stop to her going out.  Its like overnight she's become frail and old..  I know she's old, she will be 80 in September but this seems to have come upon her all of a sudden.

My sister and I have been trying to spend more time with her, as she gets lonely and wants company, but we have jobs,  we don't, like most Singaporeans, have domestic help, which means we also have homes to clean, laundry and cooking to do, and sometimes its just nice to be able to sit back and relax to do our own things..  So we have been running around for mum and then a few days ago I had a scare with son no 2.

He collapsed at home and I had to call an ambulance to take him to the emergency room.  Its all good now but he was in hospital for 2 nights where they diagnosed him with excessive diarrhoea which led to dehydration, which led to him collapsing. it was scary shit finding him sprawled out on the kitchen floor, hardly coherent then watching him collapse again and again...

When my children were babies, I would watch them like a hawk especially when they slept, I would sit close to their cots watching them sleep, to make sure they were breathing.. and now I just want to sit by his bed and make sure he is still breathing....but that would be rather creepy..

I know the son is an adult and should be able to take care of himself, it all started with an abscess on his tonsils, heavy dose of antibiotics, and him not resting and eating properly after the infection cleared.  I feel like I have failed as a parent as he obviously cant look after himself, aren't we as parents supposed to prepare them for adulthood, make them responsible!  He has seemed to have taken this as a warning and I hope he does not lapse into bad habits of not eating proper meals and drinking enough water.

But there is still mum to deal with, she's always been needy and the TIA has brought her neediness to a whole new level.  I am drained and tired and at work I seem to have more piled onto me which I neither want nor signed up for.. its been a trying time...

Sunday, 5 February 2017

personality tests

So P sent me a link recently, a myers briggs personality test thingy.

I love doing those things, and I have never done the Myers Briggs, and my results surprised me.

There were alot of things that made sense and actually sort of joined the dots and while reading my results, I had a few ah ha moments.

The personality box that I belong in, is only 1% of the population. No shit... I knew I was different, but I always thought that there was something wrong with me.  Seriously something wrong.  But now that I know I am an INFJ, and that I am not totally strange, but someone actually recognises that there are personalities like me out there, I feel better.

I dont know why but I do.  Its like ok, maybe not that many of us out there,  but there are people like me..  I am sure there are various degrees of this strange personality and I am sure we all have our own quirks, but I belong somewhere... I actually belong in a group.

I have never belonged, I have never been one of anything, but now I do....

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

how many shades of grey.....

I have always struggled when it was time to dye my hair.

I hate the fuss and the drama of going to the hairdressers and getting colour put into my hair and even hate getting a hair cut.  Its something I do grudgingly.

As an asian I am limited with hair colour, its dark brown or black,  I cant go blonde or red or light brown... so its always a dark brown for me and it just seems so artificial.

I never coloured my hair when I was younger, didnt experiment with colours but when I started to go too grey I was persuaded that it was the done thing to cover all the grey.  I hated the trips trips to the salon which were always far and in between.  I would find any excuse not to go, to delay going or just forgetting about my hair until my mother would nag at me to go colour it..

I am done.  No more colouring my hair, I want to go grey and let it go at its own pace.  I love seeing an elegant older woman with a cascade of white hair, it looks natural, its how its meant to be.  I am 54, why bother colouring,  I feel like we are in denial about aging and colouring the hair will make us look or even feel younger..  well I dont see the point of doing that.  I am getting old, my skin is going to sag, I am going to get wrinkles, I want to embrace it and love who I am, and be happy in my aging body, grey hair and all.

and its really odd when the curtains dont match the rug....

Tuesday, 29 November 2016

it's that dirty word again.....

So these last three weeks or so I have had this flu slowly creep up on me. Each week it gently engulfs me with a new symptom.  I had to go to the doctors 3 times, to target a different symptom, from body ache, fever, runny nose, diarrhoea (which I got I am sure because of the antibiotics) and sore throat.

Since I had to go to the doctors for the third time, I decided I to go see my old family doctor, who has known me since I was 7, and who looks after my thyroid issues.   His records showed  that I hadn't had a blood test to check my thyroid for 2 years.  And to throw in for good measure he also wanted to check my blood sugar levels….

Well today I got my results and my blood sugar levels are higher than normal….

 I am extremely diligent with what I up into my mouth, I am gluten intolerant so I avoid all types of  biscuits and cakes and confectionery, I eat a lot of fruit, veg and limit my carbs, eat only sweet potatoes, don’t drink sugary sodas and hardly eat any bread ( If I do eat bread its GF Bread)  Yes I indulge sometimes with fries and chocolate but its like once a month or so (and really I am not kidding here) …so how the bloomin hell do I still have elevated blood sugar levels!

Its that dirty word again….exercise! 

This time there is no avoiding the exercise, I have 3 months before the next blood test and I bloody well have to get off my backside and do something as I do not want it to develop into type 2 diabetes… 

oh the joys of getting older….
me... very soon

Saturday, 26 November 2016

the 100 day challenge

So one of my friends recently posted an article on facebook, about  how we buy things we dont really need.

I am guilty of that.  I wander around the shops and convince myself that I need another blouse, tshirt, jeans or shoes...and end up spending money on things I dont need.

In the article, the person didnt buy anything new for 200 days ( see here for the article) which got me thinking.  Why do we have this insatiable need for new shiny things.  Boredom, that thrill of buying something new, like a reward we think we deserve..

I put myself on a challenge,  to not buy anything new for the next 100 days, and I am in day 14 of the challenge and it has been difficult.  I spent most of my adult life looking at my household budget to ensure we had enough money to last till the next paycheque.  When I finally had enough money set aside as savings, I began to spend more, on useless things I didnt need.  $300 on new tops, and dresses every 2 weeks, justifying to myself that I needed another top for work.

It had to stop, I had a cupboard full of clothes that I wasnt wearing and just because I had put on a bit of weight didnt mean I had to go buy more.... I still had enough clothes that fit me.
Its only been clothes and shoes that I spend extra on, as I prefer flea market finds to brand new for kitchen and house things.  My strange love of old telephones for instance, and the insane habit of looking for old enamel ware, so spending money on new dinnerware is not something I would do anyway.  But the clothes and shoes!  Enough was enough.

With Christmas around the corner, its going to be tough as the office started this secret Santa thing and we had to make our wish list and I have to get someone a 'new' gift.  no second hand things here! So for that one day I will have to cheat on my challenge and get that person a new gift and get one in return.  I did put in my wish list, food items which were part of my daily routine which in a way didnt make it new, if that makes sense...

so heres to reducing waste on clothes and wasting money on things I dont need...just 84 days to go.

Sunday, 20 November 2016

dont ask if you dont want to know

There is something about having your say, having someone actually listen to your feedback, whether good or bad. Which is why I love doing surveys, giving feedback etc.  Must be my busy body personality....

the email that started it all....

When people send me a survey for feedback I respond, whether good or bad service,  I try to respond with a fair review.  If your bloomin email says to me, we value your feedback as we want to make it better, I respond, so I was surprised when Redmart, a grocery delivery service I use, responded to a review I sent, based on their email asking me for feedback, that I needed to "edit" my review" as it did not meet the website guidelines..
it was a negative review of the product, I just said the meat smelt bad by the time I got it and that they perhaps should look at the chillers they were using for delivery.

To be nice ( I can be nice sometimes) I thought why not, just edit and see what happens

it didnt let me edit my review,  I kept getting the response that I had already submitted a glitch?  user problem?  WTF?

Thursday, 17 November 2016

2 steps back

This past week has been a disaster, I have been sick for a week and it keeps getting worse.
Finally went back to the doctor yesterday to get antibiotics and I headed home to rest.

Rest didnt quite happen as some fucker decided to renovate his home and it was jack hammer day yesterday... today is drilling day, how fun..

As I lie on the sofa, watching mindless drivel on the tv ( cant be bothered to try to watch anything else as the drilling and jack hammering means my headache is getting worse by the second)
I have to think about my future too.

When I switched jobs last year, I took a pretty hefty pay cut, but I worked a 4 day week and only one  job to do.  Then in May, the company asked if I would take over the office manager position as well.  I didnt quite think that through but accepted the job with more pay.  Now, the office I work in is a rather peculiar place , as Feng Shui plays a very important part in the overall scheme of things.  Which means as office manager I was worrying about trivial things that the boss thought were the most important.

I was worrying about water features that didn't quite work and the water feature's bubbles were  responsible for the decline of business ( dont laugh) , yellowing bamboo plants that meant that something bad will happen, lava lamps with bulbs no one carried and I had to run around finding bulbs and salt jars that had to be filled just right.
I do have an assistant to help me with all this but the constant worry about these things plus I had to battle with finance on cheques to pay the beer man (we have 3 beer taps in the office and I had to make sure they were full).  Add into the equation the fact that I had to sort the pantry, clear and organise the stationery store and of course the event store for props and things we use for events.

what i feel like doing
It took its toll on me.  I think back to why I took this job and it was so that I could spend more time doing things for me, and I seem to have lost my way.  I was not sleeping because of a stupid water feature's bubbles were not working. The one we ordered would only be delivered in 5 weeks and the boss was not happy.  So I quit.  well there was alot of yelling and although everyone says he wasnt yelling at me, as office manager I took the responsibility for the thing not working.  I take things to heart, I certainly do and I took this too personally, which is one of my weaknesses. Something i have to work on but at 54 do I really care....

the office MD and the COO spoke to me on Monday to ask me if I wanted to just go back to doing what I originally wanted to do, but I would go back to my original salary.
Now that pissed me off.  After one year of clearing up all the shit ( and there was alot to organise and clear) they want to keep me but as I was stressed all the time, it made sense for them to offer me this, but I felt hurt and a little insulted that they didn't seem to value me enough to offer me a bit more.
I got the usual talk about budgets for admin salaries blah blah and how the economy was doing and I was not the only one working so hard blah blah.

Which brings me to the question if I should stay or leave.  Am I being unreasonable to ask for a little more than what I was making or do I just suck it up and wait and see if in the new year, we get increments across the board.

I will probably stay, but i have to constantly remind myself to not give my usual 200%, I have to focus and give only what is expected as giving 200% always puts me on the losing end.
I am supposed to be looking at semi retirement now so a 4 day week and focusing on one job should be an ideal situation, so why  do I feel like I am taking 2 steps back.....

Sunday, 13 November 2016

i am a dick sometimes...

I never professed to be perfect.

Far from it actually, and I accept that sometimes I am good and sometimes I can be a dick.  Yes women can be dicks too, quite often as a matter of fact.

definition of someone being a dick...

being an asshole, being stupid and just generally being an idiot

the last 2 weeks have been tough,  I forgot to take my pills to KL when I went for the MotoGP, pills like my thyroid, vitamin D and my herb supplements that I depend on to keep my mood swings and menopause symptoms at bay.  Which resulted a few days later to me me being hyper sensitive to anything that happened, and usually I end up in tears over nothing.  which as usual ends up me doing stupid things like quitting my job...

Yeah I know, I want to smack me too...

once calmness ensues and I see the world through drug induced serenity, I pass through the being a dick phase to what the fuck did i do phase..

Will I eat humble pie and hope the bosses know me well enough to know I was being a dick, or do I start looking for a new job... Stay tuned..

Tuesday, 8 November 2016

the trip to sepang

line up for shuttle on Saturday, my hotel up ahead

I left Singapore on Friday morning all eager to get to Sepang to see the free practice in the early afternoon.
46 - Rossi's number
When I reached Kl airport, it was raining, heavy... which left me very disappointed, bummed, upset...

So I thought that I should just head back into KL, check into the hotel and if the rain stops, I can catch the shuttle to the circuit.... well that didnt quite happen.

I got to the hotel checked in and from my window I could see the last shuttle leaving for the circuit.  I could have kicked myself.
I should have just gone straight from the airport to the circuit.
Lesson learnt.

view of garages and track

Saturday and Sunday turned out to be fabulous.
I met up with Luca, the Italian guy I met last year and we hung out together all weekend,   mostly right in front of the Yamaha garage to gawk at Valentino Rossi,  and gawk and act like fangirls we did...

What a weekend!

Am already looking forward to next year.
Rossi Fans 

other attractions - the PR guy...cute

Race start

the man himself - Valentino Rossi
more pics of sepang on my Flickr page here

Saturday, 5 November 2016


with a taxi driver

Taxi driver   " so are you married"

Me  wondering why the hell they ask me that - " err no am divorced"  and why I answer I will never know.

Taxi Driver " divorced! why, should not divorce!"

Me - " he wasnt a very nice person, beat me and cheated alot of people"

Taxi Driver - " Its ok what! husband and wife sure got problem, its ok once in a while he beat you"

Me !!!!!??????

Taxi driver was a an older male...

With colleagues

Colleague 1 - "people say I look very strict"

Colleague 2 - " You?  No way, your face too soft,  People sure dont think that way about u"

Me - " No way, you have a baby face"

Colleague 1 - " really!  I thought I have that bitch face"  (Colleague 1 is male by the way)

Me - " no you dont.  Thats me, I have the resting bitch face....

Colleague 1  - giggles " actually Yah you do"

Me - !!!!???

Sunday, 23 October 2016

looking forward to Sepang

I cant wait

I went last year to Sepang to watch the MotoGP, to watch Valentino Rossi live.  To watch all the talented and brave young men ( and a couple of young women) risk their lives in an adrenalin fuelled sport. I got my tickets, hotel is booked and I am excited to experience the magic all over again.

We forget though that it is a dangerous sport and today while watching the Australian leg of the MotoGP, there was a crash where a couple of riders were run over which made me remember that five years ago today in Sepang, one such incident took the life of one talented rider, Marco Simoncelli.

The two riders of todays incident were very lucky to walk away with nothing but some bruises and a broken finger.  So while I look forward to Sepang to watch these brave young people race round the track, I pray hard that they all stay safe on the track.

RIP Marco Simoncelli

Saturday, 22 October 2016

short getaway to Danang

Why do we take that short weekend getaway?
to recharge some batteries, to get away to relax in the company of good friends..

rainy beach
I have always wanted to visit Danang and Hoi An in Vietnam and as a couple of friends were there for work  another friend and I decided to join them after they had finished their work for a few days of R&R.
One thing we didnt check was the weather, it was the rainy season.. so we couldnt enjoy the famed beaches of Danang much.

street in Hoi An

Anyway...The Vietnamese people must be quite fed up of tourists trying to take pictures of them while they go about doing things that are quite normal to them.  When taking a picture please do politely ask them if not you will get told off or in my case got told " USD $1 for picture"  I politely declined.

Danang is a very busy little city, with beaches that stretch all along the coast, with 5 star hotels and lots of 4 and 3 star hotels fighting for space one road down.  The  food is delicious, cheap and fresh.  From the famed Pho to   the seafood that is in abundance all along the streets.  We found a few places and were surprised at what we ordered but it was all good.  For once I was the attraction, with my friends being chinese, and looking like the Vietnamese, me being the only Indian attracted a bit of attention.  Being told I was very pretty on a few occasions, did help to boost the morale..

some of the ruins at My Son

Danang is not a city I will visit again though, nor will i repeat my visit to Hoi An further along the coast, a quaint little town which has preserved the old part of town and is now a Unesco World Heritage site.  I did however enjoy our tour out to My Son to see the ruins of the Cham temples more info from Wiki here

The next Vietnam visit will probably be to go on a scooter or bike tour through the rural landscape, away from the cities and tourist traps.

All in, a too short getaway that didnt quite fulfil its promise....

more pictures on flicker - HERE

Sunday, 2 October 2016

ramblings when doing nothing important

So I haven't been blogging much lately,  the words seem to have dried up inside me or is it that I just seem to be busier than ever doing nothing important.

I realise that I make myself busy to avoid the loneliness that creeps in when i have nothing to do.  Sure I could go take pictures, which I enjoy doing on my own or even go to the movies, but i seem to have found myself in a rut.  the rut of just staying home and avoiding doing anything except cooking and cleaning.

I reduced my working hours from a five day week to four, so that I could take time to go out and take pictures and go for that early movie when no one else is about, or just to walk about and see things, but somehow that hasn't worked out.  I crept back into old habits and allowed myself to hide away avoiding reality.  Maybe it was easier to just stay home to avoid the crowds of people, happy couples holding hands and families enjoying their time together.

I am lonely, but I don't know how to change that.  I have friends and family but it doesn't  seem to be enough any more.  I guess I have to get used to it, as  there is no energy left in me to go out and start looking for that special someone.  This is when I think that the movie Logan's Run may have had some merit and that perhaps we should kill off people ( but not at age 30 like in the movie) but once they turn 65. Perhaps a choice, those that have nothing can opt to be "retired"permanently.

What do we have once we get old, with no one to share moments with, no one to chat with, no one to be with. Just loneliness
to quote the black keys from their song "too afraid to love u"

"I wish loneliness would leave me
But I think its here to stay"

Sunday, 18 September 2016

the night race

So I love motorsports, the F1 and the Motogp, but its been awhile since I actually watched an F1 race, simply because I tend to concentrate on the bikes and dont want to end up spending every weekend glued to the television watching sports.  I figured I should pick one as there were so many
part of the track all lit up
other things I needed to get done.
area near the stage, our Padang in front of the old supreme courts

Singapore hosts the F1 in September, and its a night race, the whole Marina area of the city is lit up and looks spectacular, and there are also 3 days of concerts in the F1 arena.  This year Queen were here... yes without Freddie and John Deacon but then I figured when will I ever get to see Brian May and Roger Taylor live... so thanks to P ( yes am hanging out with P again) I attended the Saturday night concert and qualifying for the F1.

Brian May

Roger Taylor
What a night!  What a fabulous night.  Adam
Lambert, the flamboyant runner up of American Idol (cant remember which year) sang Freddie's songs and he was brilliant.  Nothing compares to Freddie's voice and no one is trying to I am sure, to replace Freddie Mercury, but Adam was excellent.

Brian again

One thing though, if our country wants to be the forward thinker in Asia, maybe we should leave our trains running a little later on F1 nights.  The organisers and the government encourages everyone to take public transport to the venue, but they seem to forget about the end of the night.... The concert ended at 12.20am, we walked to the stations but had to make a detour as they had closed alot of the entrances to the stations and by the time we finally made it to the platforms we had to run as we were told it was the last train.
penned in like cattle
Oh and since I am complaining.... the crowd control needs some more planning, to leave the penned up area of the open air concert, organisers opened up 2 gates where only 2 people could exit at one time... I am curious to know how many of us had to squeeze through those opening, inching slowly forward in a mass of sweaty bodies.  always the one to think of what if situations, i dread to think what would have happened if someone pushed, fell or was being an asshole..

All in a great night though.  Thank you again P for the ticket!

More pics on flicker of the skyline of Singapore at night

Sunday, 4 September 2016

wedding and a family vacation

So there were about  18 of us traveling from various places to Victoria BC, for the sons wedding, not including the soon to be married couple.

Its was quite an experience to get everyones travel plans and itinerary to know who arrives when and the sort of family get togethers we would be having.

some of the occupants of 221 Quebec st
221 quebec st
The majority of us arrived in Victoria on the 10th of August with some uncles and aunts and son no 2 arriving a few days later.  We managed to find this house in the centre of the tourist area, 221 Quebec Street ( I dont know about anyone else, but the 221 in the address had me thinking of Sherlock Holmes...) had three apartments with 2 bedrooms in each apartment, it became our
base of operations for the wedding party.
basement apartment, was me, sister from Perth, sister from London and her partner and an extra space on the sofa bed in the living room.  the middle unit had eldest sister and her husband, mum, my aunt from Perth and my cousin from Toronto.  Top floor had the wedding couple, their two friends and son no 2.
14 people on 3 floors....
after the wedding .. on to the cocktail reception
My Uncles, mums brothers ( one from Melbourne, the other from Singapore) also made the trip as well as my Uncle and his wife on dads side...
Now its so much easier for Indians to identify the maternal and paternal sides as we have different names for the Uncles from the Mothers side - they are called mamajis and the Uncles on the dads side also have different names, older brothers are called tayaji, and my dads younger brothers are  called Chachaji. I can go on and tell you exactly all the names for the sisters and the grand parents  but then that will really lengthen this post even further,  so  back to the wedding story..

wedding decorations... 
Megs earl grey birthday cake
Wedding day was on the 15th of Aug, which gave us a bit of time to get over jetlag, and do some sightseeing as well as meet the sons, in laws.  My soon to be daughter in law's (her name is Meghan) birthday was on the 12th of August, which gave us a good opportunity to have her parents and grand parents over for tea
and cake.

st ann's academy, victoria, wedding venue with the flowers
We also arranged a BBQ at the vacation rental on 221 Quebec street, on the day before the wedding to meet all the in laws so that Meg's family could  see we were not some strange tribe trying to steal her away.  it was after all an inter racial marriage and I knew that her side had their misgivings on who we were and what we were like.  My uncles, aunts, sisters are all wonderful people who unlike me, are sociable and enjoy meeting people, which helped tremendously to ease everyones fears that Meg was not marrying into some strange traditional Indian family.  We had a blast.  It was supposed to be an afternoon BBQ with everyone leaving by 7pm, we had to chase everyone out by 10 as we were exhausted and we did have a wedding the next day.....
I promised the son that I would not post pics of them on their wedding day but I am posting a few pics that I took, but just not of them....  yet.

I could not however leave the cake out of the pics, it was glorious, and the top tier was gluten free... I did try the gluten cake too though, it was too delicious not to try just a bit...well ok I had a slice.

After the wedding we headed out to Nanaimo, 11 of us ( the uncles and their wives split from us here and went on an Alaskan cruise)  to enjoy the harbour city which son no 1 calls home. We spent a few days  there then we headed onto Vancouver, losing more of the wedding party, who had gone on to maximise their holiday so far away from home.

All in, it was quite an experience, dealing with 4 strong women ( my sisters and me) and looking after mum.  Not something I want to repeat.  While I love my sisters, I doubt I could travel with any of them as we want to do different things and we have become selfish and unyeilding in our wants.

I dont feel any different though... acquiring a new daughter in law, maybe because I dont see Meg as an in law, she is part of the family.  I now have one more child to worry about....

(some of the pictures are dark as the sun did not cooperate with my limited photography and editing skills... more pics on Canada on Flikr... wedding pics will only be available after Son no 1 gives the green light. )

Sunday, 7 August 2016

no spanx for me

Well suffice to say, I havent made my ideal weight.
I am stuck as I havent exercised and that my friends is the key to losing weight when one gets older, diet control can only take you so far.

But I will not be wearing spanx.  I did go buy a pair of super undies and spent an obscene amount on something that I will never wear...  I tried them on and thought, what happens when I want to go pee... it would not have been an attractive sight.

So in my dress at the wedding, I may protrude in some places, but I will be me and I will not be in spanx.  If only I had realised that before I bought those un-returnable undies

anyone want to buy a pair of tried on spanx undies??

Friday, 29 July 2016

I may have to buy spanx

Never say never

I know that saying will always come back and bite me in the ass..
my ever growing ass

why do they put skinny women in spanx?
While I have lost some weight, its not fast enough for me... perils of getting older, the weight takes a whole lot longer to melt away.

I have been good (except for those cocktails, and wine) well ok I have done my best, but its not good enough. So this week I have to step it up a notch and give up those beautiful cocktails if not I will have to go buy a pair of super undies that will hold my love handles around my hips in.

Stay tuned...will I get spanx?

Monday, 11 July 2016

battle with the bulge revisited

So the sons wedding is in about 4 weeks

I bought a dress some time back with the smug confidence that I will be slim and trim for the wedding.  The dress fits but it fits a little bit too snugly and I was sure I could lose 3 kilos, no problem.

Yeah right

I have put weight back on, as usual, the yoyo pendulum has swung in the opposite direction.
So I have to put myself on a diet and exercise plan....
Motivation is zero right now, even the fear of looking fat in the dress hasnt pushed me to get off my ever increasing butt and actually do some walking to get that butt to stop jiggling.
Spanx you say... no thanks i say.  I am one of those people who will not suffer for fashion, I'd rather go get a new (loose) dress than wear spanx.

I set the alarm every night earlier than usual so that I can get out of bed and go for a brisk morning walk...but then at 4 in the morning, I adjust the alarm and dont bother with the walk.

fingers crossed that I actually roll out of bed tomorrow, eager to get into shape and actually get some exercise done.....

I always was an optimist...

Monday, 4 July 2016

my phone died...

It was fine this morning, but when I got to work it just stopped working.

I dont really have the time to go get a new one today so I have no idea what I am going to do as I depend on my phone to wake me up in the morning.
Will I be able to survive without a phone?

I could just go get an alarm clock to wake me up....the way we used to do it.

we are too connected to our phones...... hmm social experiment time?
am sure the bosses at work will freak out if they cant reach me once I am out of the office...

I am sorely tempted to be without a phone just to see what happens.....