new chapters

On Friday Jan 22nd I left the office for the last time.

After a few months of mental and verbal abuse directed at me, it escalated that morning into a vicious vitriol exchanged between the finance manager and myself.  It ended with me being forced to resign.

I am upset with the way I behaved, to allow him to lead me down this path of verbal attacks to the jugular.  To be forced to make a decision on my future while being bullied, yelled at and attacked.

I will not repeat what was said but it has been playing on a constant loop in my mind.  Its taken me 2 and a half  months to be able to write about it.  yet I still don't understand it, I don't understand the why of it. I don't understand the how of it.  How did it get to the point where this man hated me so much?

I know that not everyone will like me, I get that, but this was pure hate, vicious and frightening.  

From what was said in one of the earlier altercations with him back in November, he never wanted me at the office, but his wife, the owner and MD of the company did and she did not consult him on my hire in 2018. She made the decision to hire me to 'fix and control' the finance dept. on her own.  Did his hate start there? Her brief to me when I started was to organise the dept and eventually have him ease out of the business.

Suffice to say he wasn't on board with that.  Has it  been brewing for 2 and a half years?  I believe the MD, who I have known for more than 15 years, way before she knew her husband, .. had the best of intentions when she hired me.  I believe that her husband the finance manager saw me as a threat. 

 In 2019  his behaviour and the mental torture I went through each time I had to consult or work with him on things contributed to my mental anguish which led me to being put on anti depressants.  I hated going to work because I knew how difficult it was to get things done with him.  The smallest of changes I implemented in the office would end up in a shouting match between him and his wife the MD.  It was hard to see this smart vivacious, ambitious woman who at 30 had opened her own company,  be treated this way by someone who was supposed to be her husband and partner in life.

I guess one should never work for a friend, especially when husbands or partners are involved.  I will never know the why of what happened.   What I do know is that this has shaken me to the core.  I know I should not dwell on the things he said to me, the attack on me as a person, my commitment to my work, my character and my abilities. He brought me down to his level and that has made me feel even worse.  That I could not stay professional, that I could not shut out the noise.  That I reacted. That I may have lost a friend.

But I will move on, there will be a new chapter..