Sunday 26 January 2014

another fine mess

So I have been seeing Ice Cream man pretty regularly, once a week with some breaks when he was away etc but its been sort of regular.

Last night he invited me over to his flat for dinner, he made melon and prosciutto for starters and we got takeaway pizza.

It was a bit awkward at his place as he sat as far away from me as possible.  I don't know if he was nervous or that he didn't want me to think that he was going to pounce on me so he sat far away  We chatted and ate and shared a bottle of bubbly, but there was no physical contact at all.  None.  At the end of the night it was more awkward as I think he wanted to kiss me but didn't know how to approach that.  Frankly neither did I.

However,  I was relieved he didn't kiss me or try anything.

Which brings me to the question, Why do I feel so awkward, Why can I not move on and let someone else into my life!
So I am going to jump the gun here and tell him that I am not ready for a relationship.  I am going to stop seeing him.  I cant do it, I cant move on yet.
What the fuck is wrong with me!!

I seem to have found myself in another fine mess.............

Friday 24 January 2014

superwoman has left the building

After 9 months of not following a clock and schedule I was brought back to earth with a resounding thud this last weekend.

A full week at work, learning the ropes in a new job and a new company and a weekend with errands to run, which included doing things for Mum, left me gasping for air on Sunday.

Saturday morning I had to meet Mum and take her to the optician to get her new prescription glasses.  As I too needed an eye check (my myopia is getting better as the eyes correct the short and long sightedness by itself) to see if my bifocal progressive glasses needed changing ( fuck getting old and wearing bifocals).

Mum and I had lunch after which we did a bit of shopping and I waited with her at the bus stop.  Half an hour later, after swearing at the bus companies as they were raising bus fares but still couldnt get the timing of the buses right, I flagged a taxi and put Mum into that.

The rest of Saturday was me running to make the 2.45 pm screening of a movie to find that when I got to the Cineplex, there were no more (good) seats for that screening, off again to another Cineplex close by and getting my preferred seat to watch one of the list of Oscar nominated movies.

Perhaps I was trying to do too much in one weekend.  After work its usually back home to cook dinner, and enough for me to pack for lunch the next day ( am still trying to be gluten free so takeaways are not a good option for me) and lets not forget laundry.  So I figured that I could indulge in a movie on the weekend.........
I had to do grocery shopping after the movie and its just so damn crowded everywhere in Singapore that I wondered if commuter/pedestrian rage will be the next big thing here.....road rage already is an issue but if you see the crowds in our underground rail system or in the malls on a saturday evening you too would wonder about commuter/pedestrian rage!

By the time I sat down to have dinner at 9pm I was so overwhelmed with my day and knowing that I had lots to do the next day,  I cancelled a  Sunday afternoon date  with Ice Cream man.  He had messaged earlier and when I told him I was in the movies, he said he would have come with me if I had asked.  It never occurred to me to ask....

Obviously my super powers arent working, somehow somewhere my personal kryptonite has found a way to corrupt my internal system.  Priorities have to be redefined. I have finally realised that I just cant do it all   Damn it I dont want to be Superwoman anymore!

Sunday 19 January 2014

FILTH

I recently learnt a new acronym.

F - Failed
I - in
L- London
T - Tried
H- Here

For years men have been coming to Asia to work, either with big bucks to accompany their sojourn in the exotic east or totally skint like the majority of us.  The ones with the hefty expat packages were the CEO's and like, and they got the big housing allowances and lived it up in full comfort that their money could afford.
The Asian woman of course threw themselves at these men, even the married ones. Once the contract was over, the men go home with the families and forget the mistresses that they had.  Or they divorce their wives of 20 years and set up home here with the (much) younger  new Asian wife.

On the other hand you have the ordinary Caucasian male that comes over here.  He has heard stories of how Asian women throw themselves at them ( and he heard right) all because he is a white skinned male.  He doesn't need to be good looking, or have the body of Adonis, as long as he is white he will get laid.  There are hundreds of single white men here, from the young to the old, all waiting for their jungle bunny ( a derogative term for Malay or Indonesian women,  this one I first heard from the expat wives) or to get yellow fever ( an affliction that single white males who date only Chinese women get ).

Which is how the acronym FILTH came about.

It is I guess a male Caucasian  equivalent to what we call our women who throw themselves at only white men - The SPG or Sarong Party Girl.  I have had that moniker thrown at me as I do date white men but they aren't my only source of amusement, I have dated Asian and Indian men too (see my post here on sarong party me) .

Its not all about chasing the exotic though, there are the genuine cases where two people meet, fall in love and make a future together.  It is however exotic, it is different, whether its from the Caucasian point of view or from the Asian.  Its different.  Its not always better, its just different.

I do think that there is some truth in me being labelled an SPG,  I tried to date  Asian men but most of them just didn't hold my attention long enough.  I relate to men that have had a more "western" outlook to life and if there were Asian men out there who were brought up in the west and had the same sense of warped humour I had, then I would be asking him out. Until then I guess I will be the (ageing or is it over the hill) SPG and the  (older) FILTH are quite welcome to ask me out.

Thursday 16 January 2014

celluloid dreams

 Each year I try to make time to watch all the movies that are Oscar contenders,  but invariably fail.   I then turn to  the DVD's  or wait for the movies to be shown on cable TV (which in Singapore isn't a great option  as censorship is pretty tight so tits and ass get cut out and bad words bleeped over and any gay scenes are butchered out of the movie)

Even with the censorship rules, Singapore has always been a movie loving culture, as  frankly, there is nothing else to do on weekends.  we either go for a movie, wander aimlessly through shiny malls or eat.  I do wish that we had better movies playing at the cinemas and not just the usual blockbusters but well..... one does live in hope.

I watch movies on my own, as I dont see how watching movies with someone is fun.  You sit in the dark watching a screen and no talking or interaction with the person next to you, seriously no talking during a movie........so why bother watching it with someone..... and I like my popcorn, one big bucket all to myself and I am sure a date would be horrified at the way I can munch through all that popcorn.....

So these past couple of months when I was still free and not a slave to my bank account, I managed to catch a few of the much anticipated releases.

1.  Desolation of Smaug - the second installation of the Hobbit series - I am a big fan of Peter Jackson and the lord of the rings etc so this one was a no brainer and a had to watch movie.... and while Peter Jackson did take liberties with the story, it is still a magnificent piece of story telling.

2.  The Counsellor - I really liked this and no not because it starred Javier Bardem and  Michael Fassbender.  The movie starts with Michael F in bed with Penelope Cruz and the inevitable sex scene but this sex scene is one with a difference, its an oral sex scene where he goes down on her......... anyway..... I watched it on my own which as it turns out was a good idea.   It would have been an awkward moment if as planned,  I had watched it with Ice Cream Man.  That sensual scene at the beginning would have had me squirming in my seat while seated with a date. One doesn't go watch these kind of movies with someone one has just met.....
I enjoyed the movie and its one of those movies that provokes one to start thinking after you leave the cinema.  its about consequences.

3.  12 years a Slave - While this was a very interesting story, very heartfelt, and disturbing, I found some of the way it was filmed a bit irritating.  The breaks between scenes where the camera looks off into the distance were a  bit too long drawn out and quite senseless.  But I did love the movie and cried like a baby

4.  American Hustle - Christian Bale and Amy Adams were very good in this.  All of the cast were good  but I am a big Christian Bale fan  and while he may be a prat in real life, he transforms into a whole new character while on film. This one I want to watch again as there was a man sitting in front of me who kept turning around and giving me dirty looks when I was munching on my popcorn which in turn made me very conscious of the noise I must have been making, which made me tense and I didn't quite enjoy the experience. Stupid dick.

There are a few more that I am eagerly waiting for and will watch before the Oscars.

1.  Wolf of Wall Street
2.  Inside Llewyn Davis - Coen Brothers - nothing left to say but a must watch for me
3.  Her

I guess real life has its limitations which is why my celluloid dreams hold so much fascination..........

Sunday 12 January 2014

the new job

I knew it would take me a few days to get used to rushing around like a headless chicken each morning.  I knew that I would have to rush through my morning ritual of coffee and papers, gone were the days of relaxing and reading the papers for 2 hours each morning.  I had to condense that pleasure, like instead of a two hour love making session I get a 5 minute quickie by myself (which is what sex is like for me these days so I should be used to it ...right?)

The worst part of the morning however is the what to wear debacle, and shit I don't have nice shoes to wear to work either..... or is that reserved for the commute.... squeezing myself into crowded trains to get to work on time..
put all that with learning to work with new people and a new environment and you come up with my first week at work.....its been an education.  I was an unproductive member of society  for nine months ( I could have had a baby!!) and getting back into the swing of things is taking time.  I resent the fact that I have to go back to work which makes things so much worse.

Educating myself on the intricacies of the office politics is my first priority, learning who is the office bitch, the office gossip and the usual back stabbers has already started.....lesson one was on Friday morning....

But I will get used to it, I will become a drone once again and I will learn how to avoid gossip and politics.

On the upside,  I have old colleagues I worked with for years here and these are people I like and trust.   I get to go out everyday and interact with people, no more sitting at home and talking to the plants just to make sure I haven't lost my voice.  I also now work right smack in the middle of Singapore's shopping street and I get to feast my eyes on window displays and attractive men that work in the area. My new role also is a challenging one with me having to work and create new processes which is what I enjoy doing.

So its not all doom and gloom, I just need to shake off the lethargy and enjoy the work again.....

Saturday 4 January 2014

Dopey, sleepy and grumpy

I have been sick since the 28th of Dec.  It started with a fever,  then escalated into a very bad viral flu.  I am still coughing like a TB patient which is exhausting.

The coughing is worse at night, sleep is the last thing on my mind when my lungs and chest are aching as I sit up in bed coughing.  I cough to the point where I am hoping my lungs would jump out, sort themselves out and then jump back in.....
The meds make me dopey, sleepy and everything seems like a dream sequence in a movie.  My head feels like its got cotton wool for brains, which is quite worrisome as I start my new job in 2 days.
Not a good start to a new job if I take on the personality of three of the seven dwarves, sleepy, dopey and grumpy.

I was doing the new year family thing at my place and I was feeling a bit better on Monday, enough for me to go get necessities with son.  No 2 and clean the place to make it visitor ready.  By the time New Years came around, I was back to having a fever and coughing.  Lots of coughing.
I can't take the meds as they incapacitate me, which means a slower  recovery but I have no choice.  I still have the place to clean etc and do laundry  before work on Monday.  I can't afford another day like today where I was so doped out that I slept the whole bloody day!

So fingers crossed that I recover enough to make it to work meds free.