sarong party girl

This is what they call local Singaporean women who only go out with white men.  Its derogatory its wrong and its a phrase we all use anyway!
its supposed to be a local woman who puts on a very fake 'ang mo' accent, who has long straight hair, a tanned lithe body and a pretty face was not always one of the factors!  These women would wear skin tight clothes or skirts that looked like sarongs which display their tight little bottoms to perfection. 
Yes I am being bitchy here but its because I have been called a sarong Party Girl, because of my preference for Caucasian men. 
But the thing is I never went out with any Caucasian man until 2006.  And that was only because most of the local men and Indian men I dated were boring, chauvinists and just plain uninteresting.  They didn't think that my opinions mattered, they didn't treat me with respect, they didn't treat me as an equal.  They didn't have a warped sense of humour like I did either.  I am not saying that all local men or all Indian men were bad, just most of the ones I dated!  It also just turned out that I gave my heart to a Caucasian man and that Mr NZ, another wonderful man who captured my heart, also just happened to be Caucasian.  I never intentionally go out of my way to seek Caucasian men only to date.  Man Friend 1 isn't Caucasian, he is of south Asian origin and the only reason I never got romantically involved with him is because he lives too far away!  

So am I a sarong party girl......No.  I am just a woman who doesn't think the colour of my skin or the colour of the skin of any man I go out with, matters!

** ang mo - is a chinese derogatory term for Caucasian people.  it means red haired.  why would they call all caucasians re haired, i dont know, possibly the first caucasian they ever saw had red hair??**

if i put an ad out for a boyfriend/partner.....what would i say

Websites and online dating, dating agencies, the whole thing is just a pain in the ass.  So I think I should take an ad out in the papers or even post it online somewhere.....Craig's list perhaps??
It would read something like this

Quirky, funny, gorgeous, sexy confident independent brown eyed girl (woman) wants a man. If you  have the following traits

1. Sense of humour - and no that doesn't mean just telling stupid jokes
2. Look good in scruffy jeans
3. Doesn't think that Led Zeppelin was also an Airship that went down like the Hindenburg
4. Actually know how to Iron your own shirts
5. Will stand up in the train or bus for elderly people, pregnant women and generally anyone who needs a seat
6. Will sit with me and watch tennis, football, F1. motogp and rugby  (or three out of five is good enough)
7. Thinks kissing me is good fun
8. Pays attention when I am speaking and doesn't text other people throughout the whole bloody date
9. Tells me sometimes that I am a pain in the ass but still think I am sexy and beautiful
10. Will wear black fitted underwear for me
11. Will look at me and know I am the best thing that ever happened to you

and I in turn will offer you the following

1. I promise I wont iron your shirts - trust me,  you wouldn't want me to!
2.  I promise to never wash your jeans
3. I promise to play led Zep, Janis Joplin often on the CD player (if I had a CD player)
4. Will be so proud when you give up your seat for the elderly and pregnant or anyone who needs a seat on a train or bus.
5. Not to tell stupid jokes and will promise to laugh at most of yours.
6. Will watch monster trucks and fishing programs or actually will let you watch them and I will leave you to it and not bother you while you do.
7.  Will kiss you often
8.  Be a pain in the ass sometimes but will try really hard to keep being sexy and beautiful while doing it
9. I will pay attention when you speak
10. Will promise to dance for you in my lingerie
11. Will look at you and know you are the best thing to ever happen to me

and the most important of all...... Must like Holding Hands
so if you think you can do the above and accept what i can do .....call me

confused or not I love being Indian

I do.  I wouldnt have it any other way, being Indian and loving it.  I do wish though that people, and by that I mean some Singaporeans, would take the time to understand how many different types of Indians there are.
I do get asked often if I speak Tamil.  Nothing wrong with that but they usually follow that question with another one asking me why I dont speak Tamil as I am an Indian..........
Ok.....so  heres the education part of this post.....

ok so maybe Punjab isnt so close to Nepal

India is divided into 28 states and according to a 1961 census 1,652 languages are spoken.  Mind Boggling?  indeed! 
So dont assume that if a person looks Indian, they will speak the same language as another Indian.
I may be Indian and I may understand some Hindi, but I am Punjabi, my family  comes from the north of India, close to the Pakistan and Nepal borders.  Punjab is a Persian word meaning Land of the 5 rivers, it is also known as the bread basket of India.  The British ruled India from 1858 to 1947 and in 1947 when they gave India its Independence, they divided her into two parts.  The Muslims didnt want to be ruled by the Hindus, and vice versa,  so the British drew a line and gave sections to each of the two major religions.  What is Bangladesh today was East Pakistan, and when they did draw that line down the map, they also broke up Punjab.  Alot of Sikh and Hindu families from the Pakistan side lost land, basically everything when they had to move to the India side.  In turn the Muslims moving to the Pakistan side also were dealt the same blow.
**If you want to read more on this partition,  my two favourite books on the subject are,  one by Larry Collins and Dominique Lapierre, called Freedom at Midnight and the other by Kushwant Singh called Train to Pakistan.**
 In the years to follow, Punjab was further divided to create Haryana and some taken into Himachal Pradesh.

There are Hindu, Muslim and Sikh Punjabis, I was born a Sikh Punjabi but we all know I am not a believer of religion, so I just tell people I am Punjabi.  Then there is also the caste system to deal with and the different regions in Punjab itself!

So dont assume I speak Tamil just because I am Indian.  There is a whole history of where I come from and what my ethnicity reveals about my race.  I am proud of being a Punjabi Indian Cosmopolitan Singaporean (see how easy it is to be a confused Indian) and I embrace all the differences that make me who I am!

dancing queen

My music tastes veer towards the rock and blues genres and I count Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Deep Purple and the likes as some of my favourite bands and music.  However I harbour a deep dark secret............
I love disco!  I love to dance.  I love the cheesy dance songs from Donna Summer, A taste of Honey, Earth Wind and Fire, Erasure and alot of the silly songs of the 80's.
From as young as I can remember my sisters and I(and sometimes our cousins) used to convert our study room at home, it was actually the TV room come music room come library, into our very own disco.  We danced to the Jackson 5, the Osmonds, yes we had lame taste in music,  and what ever else we could find.

I moved to dancing in the discos at 16, when my ex husband took me out dancing to the one decent adult disco, the Lost Horizon at the Shangri-la hotel here.  I was underage, I was drinking (not much)  but no one checked at that time!  It was fabulous!
As Indians we find any excuse to dance, any occasion and we drag out the music and dance ourselves silly, and yes that includes alot of bollywood stuff.  At every wedding dinner you can expect dancing after dinner is over.  I was appalled at my first chinese wedding dinner that I attended, when everyone left straight after dinner was over.  I was horrified that it ended like that.  Where was the celebration!!

My mums youngest brother who is about 8 years older than me, happens to be my best bump partner.  At all family weddings that we attend together ( he lives in Melbourne) we ultimately do sessions of the bump, for those of you that don't understand what the bump is - its a dance that one does by bumping your hips, bottoms, knees with your dance partner and strange while it may sound is damn good fun! And yes I was in my fine Indian saree while I did this!  The last cousins wedding dinner we had in Singapore a few years ago, saw this very same Uncle start the men off on stage doing a striptease.  Of course they didn't follow through to the end!
I still love to dance, I have my selection of music at home where when I do the mopping and sweeping (before I got the part time maid) I would have the music blasting and end up dancing with the mop or broom!  The last time the office girls and me went dancing was quite a few months ago and it was a blast!  My knees did protest the next day but I loved being back on the dance floor with sweaty bodies, flashing lights and loud thumping music!
Its been a while though that I danced with abandon at home or anywhere, I havent felt happy or wanted to just let myself be free enough to let the music take me to that special place.

Its time though to be happy again and dance till my knees shout,  enough!!

sensible shoes

Like every woman I love shoes.  I like looking at shoes, I like trying on shoes, I like buying shoes.  But I dont buy really high heels.  I cant walk in really high heels and at my age you realise that high heels actually give you a back ache.  I much prefer flats, or sneakers or sandals or boots,  all with sensible heels and cushioning inside to give you maximum comfort.  A proper cushion in your shoe will help your feet and back.  Good God how bloody boring!  But its a reality.  As you get older one tends to sway towards sensible shoes looking for comfort rather than style.
One of my favourite comedians Robin Williams likes to label women in sensible shoes, as lesbians.  I really dont care what Robin Williams thinks but my back, feet and ankles thank me for my sensible shoes!

Recently I found a brand of shoes that made stylish, low heeled and comfortable shoes!  I have an electric pink pair and an orange pair.   I love those shoes!  I have a brown pair of sensible daily wear shoes that have developed a hole on top where my toe is but I am still clinging to them for dear life.  they are comfort personified!
I also love boots but in this humid and hot weather I dont wear them that often.  Its an attitude, wearing boots.  I swagger when I wear them and feel pretty confident that I can handle just about anything.  I think that each pair of shoes gives you a different attitude and persona.  In my pink shoes I feel flirty and cute.  In my black sensible heels ( all of two inches) I feel corporate and usually wear those when I have to feel sensible and mature. I also have the dainty slip on high heels and I feel ladylike and sweet in those.
Each outfit is completed with the right pair of shoes. I know that some men do own more than one pair of shoes and they are not gay men either, so its not just a woman's thing to own alot of shoes.  My son as well has quite a few pairs of shoes and yes each one is suited to a different occasion.  I used to have one pair of shoes, yes thats right, just one pair.  I couldnt afford more than one pair for work and one pair of sandals for the weekend.  Now I have a collection of shoes.  Some I have only worn once or twice and some that I wear often.
My love for shoes wont diminish I am sure as young or old, we can make a statement with our shoes.

a little part of chinatown

So I went to this little tapas bar called Esquina on a sort of date.
This was a dinner date with Man friend 1 (for those that have not followed my posts, Man friend 1 is a friend who happens to be a man and we just have dinner together when he flies into Singapore either for a conference or in transit.  He did ask me a few months back where this was going and I did tell him, just friends)  anyway

He wanted to take me someplace nice for my birthday (which is only in September but he wasnt sure if he would be coming this way again so...)  and as he always lets me choose the restaurant, I chose this tapas bar.

I love this area of Singapore, I used to work one street down way back in 2002, and it has its own colourful history.  When I worked in the area,  my colleagues and I never used to carry umbrellas even if it was raining,  as women carrying umbrellas in this area were "working girls".  The small narrow nondescript doorways with red letter boxes were the place where old men would lurk about waiting their turn.
Man Friend 1 was late that day so I hung about waiting for him outside,  as the bar was full and there werent any seats available.

I havent had a chance to go back to the tapas bar, but soon, I will.   I love the area, and I love old buildings with spiral staircases, the food is to die for and the music, what can I say, they play old style blues and that night they also played Jimi Hendrix.

This place has everything going for it, with the ambience and atmosphere of the area, and of course the added bonus of the great food!

the confused indian or as some say...the anglophile

Definition of the word from the free dictionary online "a person with a fondness for England and things English"

In some ways I think I am one.  The English movies, books, music heavily influenced my younger days as opposed to everything american (would that be an Americanophile?)

My mother was brought up with rules from her grandfather who was an absolute Anglophile, was an interpreter in the British courts in Singapore from 1913.  He was recruited from India where the British were still colonial masters, to come to South East Asia to work.  He was,  when he first came to Singapore, in the police force.  He later moved up into the courts as a clerk and then as an interpreter. My grandfather followed his father into the same profession.

Mum tells stories about her growing up years in Singapore before the war, when her grandfather would come home from the office and expect everyone to be washed, dressed and sit down and have evening tea together.  A very British way of doing things.  After the war Mum was sent to India as there they had farms and the food was fresh and still more than what was available in Singapore.  What her grandfather didnt know was that the war of Partition would soon take place in India as well.  But thats another story!

 My maternal grandfather who was an avid reader, read Geroge Elliot and Oscar Wilde and in school we did do alot of Shakespeare and Jane Austen.  I remember reading all the Enid Blytons books when I was growing up, as well as going through my Grandfathers collection of books.  At home  we were not allowed to speak singlish and my parents and my grandfather as well, were particular about our pronunciation, enunciation and grammar.

So yes my siblings and I did grow up somewhat favouring the english culture and to this day I do prefer English comedies and music to the American genres.  My sons also say I tend to have a very British accent when I am extremely mad and are telling them off!

I have never felt totally Asian or Indian, (see earlier post http://what-adrag-itis.blogspot.sg/2012/01/belonging.html ) we were confused Indians, not quite the same as everyone else here but not English at all either. Cosmopolitan before it became fashionable. Anglophiles!!

the good wifes guide 1955

I am speechless!  SERIOUSLY!
see the full article - http://j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm
some say its a hoax
my mum has an old recipe book from the 1960's and there are some interesting bits in there about being a good housekeeper etc......
UPDATE:  I had a chat with Mum about this article and she is quite sure this is a true interpretation of what it was like way back when..... 

kitchen remodelling?

It hasn't started and I wonder if it ever will.  The kitchen desperately needs some work done but I can't muster up enough energy to start tackling the clearing of cupboards, throwing away crap and start with the contractors.
I need a project manager but I can't afford one.
So it has to be me.
Now that I have hired a part time cleaner to help me with the general cleaning, (she comes once a week and I am thrilled  to have that help) I should be a little more free to tackle the issue of the kitchen.  But the lack of energy and motivation is acting like blinkers as I refuse to acknowledge the decay in the kitchen.
The cupboards are old, half broken, faded and look just bloody awful, but I ignore it.  Until I took pictures of the kitchen and posted it on this blog (see old post in May "The Kitchen"), I was happily clueless to the faded and old cupboards.
The thought that I will be without a kitchen for 2 weeks is quite disturbing for me.  I like cooking, I like feeding my family (well its only me and son no 2) but that is one of the ways I know how to look after and love them.  I am not a very showy person with hugs and kisses all the time, so this is one way how I show my love.  By cooking good delicious (I hope) meals for them.

The other disturbing thing is that of all the designers that I got to help me plot a new kitchen, none of them got the idea of my breakfast bar, or where I was going to place my microwave.  They were not listening to what I wanted.  So I may dispense with a designer and go straight to a contractor and make him listen, which in turn will be a bigger headache for me. 

I am so troubled and stressed about this remodeling thing that I wish I could  just forget about it and cross my fingers and toes hard enough that it will  go away....... but nope its still there, the dingy faded kitchen!

lower than pond scum

So its been a few weeks of trawling the internet for men.... yes its as horrible as it sounds.
I guess as mine is a new profile posted, the scammers target that thinking I am a  desperate middle aged woman.  Boy have they got it wrong!
heres a warning to all women

 ladies if a man contacts you on a dating website and the following is what he says, dont reply, delete!

1.  Your smile is like an angel and God must have put you on this earth for me
2.  Your profile makes me believe you are a wonderful caring person
3.  Your email has made my day
4.  God has brought an angel like you into my life

Avoid this man.  He obviously is either more  desperate than we are or he has something cooking and it aint something tasty!

The scary part is that some women do fall for this.  Ladies there is a voice in our heads that speaks to us, we push it aside because we want to believe.  Dont!!
Listen to that voice!!

Its like a template of sorts that they have.  First they are usually widowers, and their wife was invariably killed in an accident and they have a small child to look after.  Some have also killed off their child!  They also dont have parents, who also somehow were killed in an accident.  or they were brought up by their grandmas.  They also always seem to be world traveled and work either in geology or in the oil business.  The pictures they put up are of gorgeous looking men.

The insincerity practically jumps out of their emails and you know you want to laugh.  I got one recently and even though I wonder whether really, could this guy be genuine, I scroll through the email and I find this
"I have travelled to tons of countries; Russia, South Africa, Namibia, Guinea, Ghana, Brazil, India, Australia, Congo and Guyana. After being a field manager for so many years, I met Ted (a close friend ). We were in the same Physics class back in Southampton Uni, we met at a conference in Dublin. He had also been around like I had, but had definitely done better for himself. He told me the best way forward was by being the pockets behind the brain. At the time I had a respectable amount of money saved up and I also applied for a loan so as to broaden my horizons. Eventually, I invested in a research he steered and in less than 10 months, I had tripled my capital and that even was not on a very large scale"

Yes alarm bells were clanging in my head.  Apart from the fact that he was laying the ground work to ask me to invest in something like this......the rest of the email read like a CV and you know its so fucking full of shit!

 I didnt reply the email, I put it where it belongs, in the trash.

31 years

I realised this morning that yesterday would have been my 31st wedding anniversary.
A lot has happened in 31 years.  I went from a naive, innocent, confused, scared little girl to a confident, independent, quirky, sometimes a bitch, woman.

I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't left the ex.  I know for sure I would not be the woman I am today.  And I like who I am today.  Its like a what if scenario, what if I had still been married, what if I had decided to actually go ahead with my plan of poisoning the ex.  Yes,  I used to dream up elaborate plans on how to commit murder without getting caught..... but of course I didn't do it, the thought of getting caught and spending my life behind bars for killing a man that was a horrible human being, was something I couldn't do.  Besides my sons would have been left alone and that would have been the worst punishment ever!

He contested the divorce petition and it dragged on for a year.  In the end he didn't even turn up in court to defend his petition.  The judge was quite happy to give me sole custody of the boys and grant me my divorce.  Those few years were pretty tough, he would come after us, using his usual bullying tactics, to frighten us.  It worked, my boys and I were scared but determined to fight him.

My marriage was like another life, another me.  A me that I would hate today, a me that was timid and in a way had given up on alot of things.  He damaged me beyond repair and the worst part of it is that I let him do that to me.

 I remember my son asking me when he was 14 years old, just after the divorce, if it would have been better for me if I didn't have kids.  Then I could have gone on to a better life and not struggle with finances and trying to put a roof over our heads.  I remember my answer to him  very clearly. 
I told him that they actually saved me from suicide.  I would have happily stepped off the ledge if they were not there for me to  feed, clothe and love them.

So its been 31 years since I embarked on my journey of adulthood, at 19 and totally innocent.  Today I am not innocent anymore and as for adulthood...... well I can't say that I have achieved it yet but am hoping it will eventually find me.  I am enjoying who I am, who I have become, who I want to be.  I do struggle with intimacy and relationships but I know I am getting better at it.  I know I will eventually find someone to share my life with me and dreams can come true, it may take 31 years to get there, but get there I will.

shit happens

Its been pretty hard to move on and not keep thinking about A but I am getting there.
I have had to delete his number, delete all those text messages I saved because they were so cute/sexy/a turn on.  I tried to delete all his emails but then went back and moved those back into the inbox, only because I couldnt erase him totally out of my life as he did mean something to me and if I am honest,  still does.
I will keep remembering him  as Singapore is a very small place, the cinemas, the coffeeshops, the place we had our first kiss, our first grope!  heck these places are places I visit often, so yes he will be on my mind.

But I am moving on, I am going to love someone else, its the way the world keeps turning. It doesnt mean I will forget him.  Will I ever be friends with him again, I doubt it.  I doubt I could ever forgive him for not trying harder.  Apart from having my heart trampled on, my ego I am sure, also got bruised.  How dare he say he couldnt compromise, how dare he not want to share my life with me?!  Shit happens.....

To quote the song written by Anthony Newly and Leslie Bricusse  " its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me"  and I think I am going to be feeling good too.......

I wont forget him, that would be impossible to do as he did open my eyes and heart  but its time to move on  and let go of him....... in life we have to realise whats good for us and what isnt...... we have to know that in such situations, its just ......shit happens, we just step over it and get on with it.......

it should be simple

Why isn't it simpler?  Why do we need to go through the ritual of dating with the preening and posturing between the sexes.
Why is there the complication  and the perception of what the other party wants.  Why cant it be like woman or man sees someone they like, go for it and see how it goes.  But its not.  Too many hang ups and too many expectations make people afraid to take the step to cement a relationship.  They dont want the drama that comes with a relationship.
Son no 2 said something about women which had alarm bells going off in my head. He said that there was too much drama with women, they wanted to know where their men were 24/7, and couldnt understand that the men wanted to hang out without them.  Thats not true of all women though.  there are mature, confident women that dont do that.  He just needs to find one of those before he becomes too cynical, jaded and a confirmed loner.
But why isnt it simpler, why dont we just get together, forget the stupid self made rules about all the things one must do on a date, what a date is supposed to be or what men should do before a woman will sleep with a guy.  I am not advocating free sex or sex with one and all.  I am asking who set the expectations, who said we had to do it a certain way. Who said women couldnt ask men out, who said that men had to do the chasing.
Perhaps I am getting too jaded with all the rituals of dating.  perhaps I am getting too cynical about men and how things should be.
Perhaps I do want a man to do it cave man style and say " me man and you  my woman" and drag me off to his cave.......

skinny jeans

is actually just jeans for skinny people, people who look like beanpoles, people who don't have curves and a big ass.
So why do other people insist on wearing something that tells you its only for skinny beanpoles?
It does make you want to ask that person who is stuffed into her skinny jeans, if she actually owns a mirror?  or as one of my sisters likes to say " she obviously doesn't have friends".  I don't mean to be hateful here, I am just being honest.
My mother likes to use a phrase in Punjabi, and it does sound funnier in Punjabi,  its like " a dog stuffed in a tandoor"  ok maybe it doesn't sound funny at all in English but trust me its lost in translation!
Where am I going with the dog and the tandoor?  Thats what curvy women look like stuffed into their skinny jeans. (spell check on the word Tandoor says that its a tandoori oven, it not!  the oven is a tandoor, the fucking chicken cooked in a tandoor is tandoori chicken!)
anyway.....

Fashion slaves and victims  need a reality check, just because its in fashion doesn't mean its suited for your body type. I love programs like Trinny and Susannah and Gok Wan and his fashion fixes.  They tell you its ok to be different and have curves, just learn about your body type and wear clothes appropriately.

Now only if I could be brave enough to be honest with friends to tell them that "no skinny jeans don't suit you"

hot vs cold

Its been really hot recently.  So hot that if you wear a dress with lining the fucking lining sticks to your body as the dress slides around and you wonder as you walk from the bus stop to the office if everyone can see the lining stick to your midriff, thighs what ever other body part that is dripping with sweat!

red dawn!

I have been doing my best to stay in cotton clothes that will allow the air in and not sweat buckets.  Today however I have to attend some cocktail thing after work (yes another work/hotel related cocktail night) and I have to put on a nice dress and heels.  Not my favourite type of attire at all.  Although A used to say my idea of heels was funny as they were barely 2 inches high, and he also called one pair of my 'heels' my mothers shoes.  but back to the heat.....

Would I fare better in colder climates I wonder.  You can bundle up and try to stay warm but in this humid heat, you cant strip down and wear nothing to work.  Our buildings and buses have the air-conditioning blasting to rival the best arctic locations but once you are outside, you are convinced that within minutes nothing will be left of you except  a puddle of sweat!

Humidity is the killer rather than just the heat.  It frizzes your hair, you can't shop all day in this humid heatwave,  you start to smell as you sweat buckets, your leather shoes and handbags develop mildew if not taken care of and lets not forget that your makeup slides off the minute you step out of the house.  There is one advantage though, the damp is good for the skin!  You don't have dry and itchy skin as all this humidity in the air leaves your skin glowing!

I would however, love to have four distinct seasons. Notice I said Distinct seasons.  Not just four seasons.  We do have  four seasons here in Singapore, its hot & humid, then we have hotter and humid, then we have hot with rain and humid and last of all we have slightly cooler than hot, humid with rain.
We cant indulge in the seasonal fashion and are stuck forever in the " I wish I could wear shorts and a tank top to work" feeling.  We flip through women's magazines and fashion books and wish we too could indulge in the fall or winter fashions with those fabulous coats and boots.  Some women here do try and we only give them pitying looks as we know they are melting in their lovely wool dresses and boots.   But oh to be able to wear them without accumulating a pool of sweat in your armpits!

So yes I wish sometimes I lived far away from the equator as possible and that having it snow in December (or June, depends which hemisphere one lives in) isn't just a pipe dream!

journey of discovery

A friend recently renewed her wedding vows as part of her 25th Wedding anniversary celebrations.  I spent last Saturday morning listening to the Catholic Priest talk about marriage and love.

 The usual talk about communication being key but what made me think was when he mentioned marriage being part of a discovery.  A journey of discovery,  as a married couple will learn new things about each other as time goes on.

Love and marriage he said.  I am still not so sure about marriage, but I do want to be able to go on that journey of discovery with that one special someone......

cant resist anything sweet, baked and creamy

I love desserts.  If I have to, I can forgo the main meal to make sure I get dessert.  I will eat salads all day if I know I have something baked, sweet and creamy coming up at the end of the day.
I doubt I could ever be a spy, cos the enemy would just have to offer me a dessert and I would capitulate, I will spill state secrets if only I could get a bite of heaven.
Cheesecake, eclairs, chocolate cakes, crumbles, bread and butter pudding, creme caramel, creme brulee..... the list is endless.  I think that's why when that blind date didn't ask if we were going to have dessert, I immediately knew in my heart that I would not talk to this man again.
I love to bake as well.  There is this new bakery that has opened close to the office but so far I have resisted the temptation to go try a slice of cake, only because its so expensive and I know I can make a delicious carrot cake with cream cheese frosting at the price they sell one slice!
In my fridge right now, I have all the ingredients for an apple crumble but I resist baking one as I need to lose a couple of kilos ( yes the weight crept up on me recently)  but my reward will be either the crumble or a carrot cake as I cant get it out of my mind!
Indian desserts are extremely sweet and I also know how to make some of them.   deep fried milky balls in syrup or Gulab jamuns,  are my favourite.   then there is the humble rice pudding but done Indian style called Kheer.  My maternal grandfather used to be a dessert king, he also had to watch his weight and my grandmother would watch him like a hawk in case he went digging in the fridge for something sweet.  He used to get us, his grandchildren,  to keep watch for our grandmother while he raided the fridge.
he came up with alot of creative ways to make simple desserts to satisfy his sweet cravings.

I obviously inherited his love for anything sweet.  Its tough but I try my best to stay away from baking and indulging.  I can be good for weeks but then its like one day I have this sugar craving that wont go away so I end up either with lots of chocolate or something sweet and just out of the oven.

Damn all this talk of desserts is just making me want to get home later and put that apple crumble in the oven.....I wonder if the son will be able to pick up some vanilla ice-cream after work...............

trawling the murky depths of online dating sites or sifting through loads of toads

So I signed on to the  online dating sites to see what comes along.  I wont know unless I try,  right?
Its going to take time to want to date again but I have to take the first step and move on.  I don't want to sit at home and wallow in self pity that he didn't want a relationship.  Its just life! Get on with it!


All the sites tell you that its a free service, but as always there is a catch, you have to pay to interact with people on some sites...... isn't that the whole idea of a dating site??  But I guess you get what you pay for,   I paid for one site and on the other,  I maintain a free profile.  On the free sites you get alot of riff raff, idiots that think just because you are a woman of a certain age, you must be gagging for it!  On the other site, the paid one, you still get the riff raff and the scammers, its just a better quality of riff raff and scammers......

Now  its interesting how a profile is viewed, men tend to steer clear of funny tongue in cheek profiles and they want the woman to be slender, young and serious (but they all want someone with a sense of humour).  At my advanced age, I get a good laugh at looking at these men who are older than me but want women that are 18 - 35!  Are these men serious?  Have they looked at themselves in the mirror, judging by their pictures, no young woman is going to want to be seen with them unless they had as much money as Bernie Ecclestone.
Then there are the scammers.  They always have a picture of a good looking hunk on it, and if you trawl long enough you get to see pictures of the same man in the same t shirt with a different background.  The profile name will be different and some smarter ones will have changed some things in their profiles as well.
Do women fall for it, Yes.  No not me but the papers are full of women falling for men online and sending them money, lots of money.

I am sure its not all  bad, but so far (two weeks of having my profile up) I have got all the scammers and the idiots and the young men that think I must be so desperate that I would jump at the chance of going out with anyone.   Its a game of patience I suppose, and I must learn to sit back and see if anything comes along.......

maggie's beauty salon

maggie's beauty salon

Maggie's beauty salon opened in the 1960's but the current owner, bought it in the early 1970's.  It was a small space above a coffee shop which is long gone and where a Hong Kong and Shanghai bank now stands.

It moved to its current place in 1984, run by Grace, its pretty much a family affair as she has her sisters working with her.  It still has the small blue mosaic tiles on the floor, the old decaying shampoo area, the large hair blowers.  All add to the ambiance of  something that should have been put to bed a long time ago .  but...

Where will the old ladies,  who come to Grace to get their tight perms, go?  Where will they find someone who knows them, doesn't charge the earth for a cut and blow dry, someone who greets them by name and asks how they are and actually genuinely cares about the answers they give.  I sat there this afternoon, getting my hair coloured, I have, on and off, been getting my hair done by Grace and her sisters, for 37 years.  It was Grace who taught my sister how to first cut hair.  My sister now lives in London and has her own hair salon.  My mother still comes to Grace to get her hair washed and get it done up in a beautiful bun.  It was Grace who gave me my first hair trim when I was 13.

Another old neighbourhood shop closing, paying the price of modernisation and progress.  Talk is that another wine bar may open or a bank.  All we can do is remember the past and wish progress wouldn't be in such a hurry to bulldoze everything into the 21st century

mother in law

text conversation with son no 1 (who lives in Hawaii)

me :  Havent heard from u.  All ok?

son no 1:  Definitely, so many things happening.  i keep trying to email or call, got so much to talk about.  got your email, if I stay up late tonight will try and call, if not this weekend

me:  ok was worried that your girlfriend killed u and disposed of your body in some volcano

son no 1:  ha...ha...ha  very funny....Be nice...I'm gonna marry this one...

me:  Thats ok i am the mother in law, we are supposed to be bitches

son no 1:  Love u too!!