if i put an ad out for a boyfriend/partner.....what would i say

Websites and online dating, dating agencies, the whole thing is just a pain in the ass.  So I think I should take an ad out in the papers or even post it online somewhere.....Craig's list perhaps??
It would read something like this

Quirky, funny, gorgeous, sexy confident independent brown eyed girl (woman) wants a man. If you  have the following traits

1. Sense of humour - and no that doesn't mean just telling stupid jokes
2. Look good in scruffy jeans
3. Doesn't think that Led Zeppelin was also an Airship that went down like the Hindenburg
4. Actually know how to Iron your own shirts
5. Will stand up in the train or bus for elderly people, pregnant women and generally anyone who needs a seat
6. Will sit with me and watch tennis, football, F1. motogp and rugby  (or three out of five is good enough)
7. Thinks kissing me is good fun
8. Pays attention when I am speaking and doesn't text other people throughout the whole bloody date
9. Tells me sometimes that I am a pain in the ass but still think I am sexy and beautiful
10. Will wear black fitted underwear for me
11. Will look at me and know I am the best thing that ever happened to you

and I in turn will offer you the following

1. I promise I wont iron your shirts - trust me,  you wouldn't want me to!
2.  I promise to never wash your jeans
3. I promise to play led Zep, Janis Joplin often on the CD player (if I had a CD player)
4. Will be so proud when you give up your seat for the elderly and pregnant or anyone who needs a seat on a train or bus.
5. Not to tell stupid jokes and will promise to laugh at most of yours.
6. Will watch monster trucks and fishing programs or actually will let you watch them and I will leave you to it and not bother you while you do.
7.  Will kiss you often
8.  Be a pain in the ass sometimes but will try really hard to keep being sexy and beautiful while doing it
9. I will pay attention when you speak
10. Will promise to dance for you in my lingerie
11. Will look at you and know you are the best thing to ever happen to me

and the most important of all...... Must like Holding Hands
so if you think you can do the above and accept what i can do .....call me