too many numbers

I seem to be fixated with numbers.  31 years ago I got married, 49 &3/4 years old, 34 years since I last saw some school friends and now 17 years being single.
Too many milestones and too many numbers to remember.
Time to stop with the numbers and  looking back to the past.  Time to look forward.

if i made it to 100, I'd do the same! image from google

Everyone wants me to have a party for my 50th.  Another number for my fixation.  I don't want a party, I want to celebrate my birthday the way I want to.  I want to have brunch somewhere, it is after all my favourite meal of the day.  I would like my family to join me but then some of them aren't talking to each other, so that will be difficult.  I don't want a cake with 50 candles on it nor will I blow the fucking things out.
Maybe its just that I am down in the dumps or maybe its just Monday and I fucking hate Mondays.