Monday, 7 May 2012

my on going battle with patience

the online dictionaries define patience as
1. the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like. ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.  

Its a virtue, to be patient and not be impetuous or hasty.  It is a virtue I have tried to cultivate and have failed miserably.  I am too passionate in everything I do to be able to sit and meditate and think before I leap and boy has that got me into alot of trouble!  I do try to think before I leap, I do try to patiently wait and let nature take its course...... but I fail, fail to see that only with patience will I be able to achieve peace of mind and body.  I want things to happen now.  I want results now.  I have been told I am task orientated and I don't know if that is what makes me impatient, but  all I know is that I want results now, I want to see the end results asap!

I am calm in times of emergency or highly stressful situations, my 13 odd  years in event management has helped me to focus on thinking of how to get things done rather than panic when something goes wrong, but woe be that person who doesn't think on her/his feet but stares at me like a deer in headlights when I ask for something! 

I wonder if a short stay at an ashram somewhere in India would do me any good.  To sit and meditate and ponder ones existence (and no Eat Pray Love was not one of my favourite books or movie!)  I doubt I would be able to sit still for more than 10 minutes, in  contemplation or in silence.   If they guaranteed that after a few weeks of contemplation, I would be able to be patient and not want immediate gratification, then maybe I would go to India and find an ashram.  Good God listen to me!  Wanting guarantees!
There is no hope for me unless I get therapy !!

I will still try to cultivate patience in my everyday life and in my pursuit of fixing the attempt of a relationship, however  if you do see a woman in the street kicking a lampost or shaking a tree or some plant, you will know that it takes time to cultivate patience and  that is just me taking my frustrations out on something that wont hit back!

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