Friday, 18 May 2012


I have never been to Brazil and I guess I would like to go one day but what I am talking about isn't the country Brazil, its more of the wax.
When we were kids stepping into our hormonally challenged teenage years, my mother never had the talk with us, so we didn't know anything about sex or grooming down there or as I have heard it referred to as "tending your garden"
As I married the first man that touched me, I didn't really know much about tending my garden and my ex didn't really care (he was too busy shagging everything in sight to bother with my garden!)
After the divorce, I heard about what other women did and I started to experiment.  A trim here, a trim there, a shave here and a shave there. I never took it all off, just trimmed the hedges sort of.  Then I discovered waxing.
I went the whole hog, took it all off but left a landing strip.  It looked like something a porn star would do (how do I know what porn stars do.... well that will be another post)
Waxing your nether regions is not a prolonged affair.  Its actually over within 15 minutes.  They tell you to take off your bottoms and knickers and hop onto a massage looking bed.  You modestly cover up with a small towel and wait for the therapist to come in.  She breezes in and chats cheerily as she whips off the towel and snaps on rubber gloves.  While making small talk she switches on a headlight and directs it at your pubes and starts to, and I can only describe it as, caress your pubes as she  nonchalantly enquires when you last had your pubes waxed!
All this while theres a light shining on your private bits and the therapist is lifting your leg into an impossible yoga position and tells you not to move.  You try very hard not to let the pain in your leg distract you but then she slaps a bit of hot wax and you know you are in for torture!
A Brazilian wax takes it all off, the front the middle, the insides, everywhere you have hair, and yes that means the crack of your bum too.  Yes the therapist gets to see all your gory bits!

After the initial pain and subsequent numbness you feel, or don't feel, you start to touch yourself and are amazed that the skin is softer than a baby's bottom!
I did continue with the Brazilian for awhile until my pain threshold decreased and I couldn't always get the same therapist and I didn't like all the girls wondering how come middle aged women needed to wax as they weren't supposed to have sex, and no sex shouldn't be the only reason you wax, but as i didn't swim what other reason would there be!
so now my little garden is tended to by me and me alone, unless I find some man who has a fetish about trimming garden hedges!

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