Friday, 4 May 2012

its hard to give up sex

Sex complicates things.  It does.  After my divorce I didn't have sex for a few years as I just wasn't interested in a man at all.  I of course didn't give up having orgasms, those were easy  but for years I stayed away from the intimacy and touching the opposite sex.  As I settled into becoming a provider and taking over as head of the household, I also became more in tune with my manly side.  No I didn't grow a moustache (hang on,  bad example, I am an Indian woman and I will not discuss my moustache here!) or decide I was going to bat for the other side, what I mean by manly side is that I had to hide my emotions and if I wanted sex, I would just get it.  I did not go out and shag everything in sight, I do have more common sense than that, but I  had an arrangement with a good friend that I could trust.  It wasn't the most ideal scenario but I was getting some.
When I started dating again, I stopped seeing my friend as I was ready to start looking for a more committed and exclusive relationship.
 That's when those bad dates, those one date wonders etc happened.  Then I met someone and it developed into an attempt of a relationship (I am screwed up so anything resembling a real relationship would have sent me running).  So sex became a part of the relationship, and I got used to being touched again.  The intimacy, the touching, the stroking, it was addictive.  Now that we are stepping back and evaluating this whole attempt of a relationship, I am craving all the things I fought so hard to ignore.
 We can't go back to having sex, as it will complicate this stepping back thing, and  I am not the sort of person who will go have random sex with strangers, as it needs to have a meaning.  Seeing him this last week has only made me more aware that I miss him touching me!

And no this itch isnt something BOB (battery operated buddy)  will be able to cure.  Its not about the orgasm, its about the touching and that is one thing BOB cant do!

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