Friday, 20 April 2012

on the brink of adulthood

I am  6 months and a few days shy of my 50th birthday.  Time to reflect on decades past.  I left my husband in 1995, when I was 33.  I think back to the girl I was then and the woman I am now.  A very different person for sure, I am more confident and sensible.  But then I was always sensible but mature,  I don't know if I have matured.  I seem to slip back into being a stupid silly girl sometimes, but that's only sometimes!
The thirties were turbulent as I was thrust into taking control and having to be both provider and nurturer in the family.  It was hard work.  My forties was where I established my set of rules and tried to live by them as I discovered just what I was capable of, its when I became a woman.  So I guess my fifties would be when I step into my adulthood and enjoy who I am.
 I certainly have changed from the girl that I was to the woman I am now but I don't want to change too much.  My marriage and divorce has screwed me up and I am trying very hard now to unscrew the damage that's been done.  Damage to how I deal with relationships and my expectations of them as well.  My expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be and my expectations of how its supposed to be.  I am still learning and changing but changing for the better ( I hope!)
I don't want to lose my uniqueness though, cos I know I am unique, and no am not blowing my own trumpet here but this is all part of growing up, realising what you bring to the table.
So the next decade is the decade where I embrace my uniqueness and maintain it, developing it further and making people believe that its still there!

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