Which makes writing this blog good for me. If I didn't have an outlet like this, I would probably explode or end up in some mental institution. I have wondered what it would be like to go mad. To lose oneself within the confines of ones mind. To never to be able to interact with others, to never to be able to make them understand what you are trying to say. People never listen anyway, whether you are sane or happily tucked away in your own mind. I wonder if they are happier than us sometimes, the poor lost souls who have difficulty dealing with reality. Are they happier not having to deal with reality, not having to confine their actions to the norm. It must be frustrating though, not having people understand what you feel or what you are trying to say. It happens to us as well, doesn't it. that beautiful song from Simon & Garfunkle says it all, "people hearing without listening" Isn't that what we all do. I am guilty of it too. Often I have Mum on the phone with me and I don't listen to what she is saying and when I realise that I wasn't listening, I feel awful. But I still do it!
But back to my head
Its crowded with words spilling out of me, words that sometimes don't make sense, words that sometimes I wish I had the guts to say out loud. But don't. I try hard to squash those words, to tell them to stop as its too fast, its too complex. It needs to slow down so that I can adjust and face reality sometimes, but they don't stop, the words keep coming, making me sit up and take notice and sometimes I have to sit still and let the words go round and round in my head, getting louder........ sometimes I go all quiet on the outside, as in my head, I am screaming but no one seems to hear.