not adult enough to make decisions.....or... i shouldnt be allowed out unsupervised...

I am quiet and not one of those people that likes to be the center of attention.  I am happy to hide in the back and be part of the wallpaper.  However if you piss me off or I think that I am being unfairly treated, well, then I  tend to get out my soapbox, climb up on that and become quite unbearable.

Or I do something rash, like my recent 'conversation' with the customer service of the papers.   I cancelled my subscription to the papers just because they pissed about with getting me my log in details for an online subscription.  My temper does get the better of me and I am always trying to extricate myself out of stupid situations I put myself into........

My ego is about the size of the island I live on which makes life quite stressful.  My recent foray into extricating foot out of mouth or someones rear end is another example of my ego and temper taking over my normal complacent mild mannered self ( I can hear my friends snickering at that description).

I quit my job..... and now have no idea if I want to keep this job or go find something else....

I know there is no ideal job where I go to work and everything goes swimmingly well and I breeze through the day without encountering assholes, dickheads and generally higher management that likes to think that when they say jump we say how high.  I know I am paid to do someones dirty work.  I know I am paid to just be that rubber stamp that doesn't need to think and just shut up and do it.....
But
I hate doing that.  Why hire someone like me and say, come and make changes and help us, then turn around and tell me, but that's how its always been, and we really just have to follow the old way.

So after a week of being pushed around and told to just shut up and do what I am told, I handed in my resignation.  that was a couple of weeks ago and now that I have calmed down I wonder if I should just shut up and do the job and feel miserable and angry because I know things can be so much better if only they did think and listen.... or do I at 51,  start looking for another job....or perhaps finally go do something of my own......

Decisions........

my friends are all under 40 something

I kind of did things the other way around

My youth was spent with my babies and husband and only in my mid 30's did I start working on the corporate goddess in me.  Most people my age were already firmly entrenched in their careers, they had a vision while I had stumbled along and clung to whichever job that would pay me enough to feed and raise and my family.

young friends...horsing around

old enough to drink, young enough to enjoy it

Which is why my colleagues were at least 10 years younger wherever I
went, then they got younger and younger..... and some of them became really good friends.  Colleagues and ex colleagues who are my good friends who I know I can trust and should I need a helping hand, I know they will be there.  They give me advice and I do give some back....as I am supposed to be older and wiser... supposed to be..
 I never really got on with my school friends, except for a very small handful of them and they all went off and had careers and husbands and kids and we drifted apart and they are very different to who I have become. I may be 51 but the mind hasn't quite caught up yet.....

So I hang out (when I do go out) with this younger bunch of girls who keep me sane, keep me insane and young at heart.

card carrying feminist

Its official... I am a card carrying feminist.

My card arrived in the post a few weeks ago.

What does it mean....feminism.....is it a militant movement that advocates the superiority of women?  No.  Is it lesbians all fighting for gay rights?  No.  Is it man hating sex deprived  women fighting for the right not to shave their legs and armpits and enslavement of all men..... No

So what is feminism.... what does it mean to you.....

To me it is having equal rights, freedom to be able to earn the same wage for the same job, it is being able to be head of my household, equal rights as a human being.  To not be judged by my gender.

My favourite blogger Jenny Lawson, posted this post today, there is a  Tumblr group, women against feminism photo collage thingy and I went on tumblr and took a look at some of the photos and I noticed that alot of the photos posted on why they were against feminism seemed to me to be trivial and frankly first world problems.   I wonder if these young women actually thought about what Feminism really means........
take a look at the Tumblr page  here at what they think feminism is all about....

It seems to have been lost in translation....... Feminism was about giving women the choice, the freedom to choose, the freedom to be able to go out and choose to be wives, mothers, career women, the freedom to travel without restriction or fear, the freedom to be able to earn a living any way we choose.  The freedom to have your voice heard.  The freedom to choose to have an abortion, the freedom to choose to wear what we like and not be branded sluts or accused of dressing to incite rape.
 Its not about having a man open a jar of pickles or carry the fridge for us...

I am not saying all the feminists are right, as I too believe that some factions of the feminist movement are too 'militant', and I think that some women play both cards, they say they want equal pay/rights but then on a date expect the men to pay for everything.  Like everything out there, Feminism has had its main function and purpose spread out to include every grievance imaginable.

Young women forget that the privilege of getting an education and the freedom that they now have to choose their spouse, career path, the right to vote,  was brought about because of the feminist movement so for that one young woman who put up the picture that said she didn't know one instance where the actions of the feminist movement didn't result in more destruction and violence"  let me say this.... you got an education because of the feminist movement, you got the right to be able to own a camera, phone, the ability to think, because of the feminist movement.

Yes there are several factions to the feminist movement, and you don't have to agree on all if its manifestos but don't dismiss it completely.  Its up to the 'normal' feminists to spread the word on what we believe in, that while not perfect, it  is certainly not a militant anti men establishment, if you look at it at the purest level, it is the fight to be heard as an equal,  the freedom to be equal.

I for one am a proud card carrying feminist....

what happened in London

So I am back from London after a two week "holiday" My sister had surgery to reconstruct her right foot and I volunteered to spend a couple of weeks with her, post op.

sis napping at home with her kitten

after the op 

She spent a couple of nights in hospital,  with me and her partner taking turns to be by her bedside.  I must say there is a dire shortage of nurses in London, the orthopaedic ward at Guys Hospital had brilliant nurses but they were run off their feet looking after all the people on the ward.  Anyway....
While she recovered in bed, I actually had a very relaxing time being her cook/carer/gossip buddy and occasional housekeeper.

view at 9pm

Helsinki Airport 10pm

Its been awhile since I spent a summer in  London and I seemed to have forgotten that summer in London doesn't necessarily mean warm temperatures. There were days when the mercury hit 27C  but mostly it hovered around the 18 - 22C mark, which definitely was not shorts and tank top attire for a warm blooded Singaporean.  After I left they had the hottest day of 32 C....

The other thing that fascinated me was the long days, it would be bright as day at 9pm at night which was a little confusing.....

new cast 

2 weeks post op check up...
she has an arch!

I do wish I had had more time in London to be with my sister while she recovered as she is not supposed to put any weight on her foot for 6 weeks.  For someone like her to sit still in bed and do nothing, its going to be tough...but she will have a new foot,  and walking and standing wont hurt any more.

All in it was quite a good break for me, away from the corporate bullshit and office politics and just being "mother" and looking after the people I love.
.

The end of the newspapers?

I have had my papers delivered to me for some time now and I enjoyed the fact that each morning I had the daily news waiting for me when I opened my front door at 6am.

I loved the feel of reading and flipping pages and holding that paper in my hands while I have my coffee and breakfast.
As I recycle old papers, and had the recycling people come to my door previously I could put my old papers out and have them pick up all my paper.  That ended recently and I was stuck with so much paper and no where to recycle it ( the bins they put down at the bottom of my block of flats were inadequate)  so I decided to change my subscription  to just an online subscription..........  easy..... well not quite.

standard response 

As I work during office hours (duh!!) I didnt have the time to sit around calling the customer service of the papers to change my subscription,  so I sent an email. ....  and I get the standard response ........
after tooing and froing on emails for a couple of weeks I called them to clarify everything and told them what I wanted which was a subscription for my Ipad.    So the delivery of the physical paper stopped on the 26th of June and I was supposed to get an email giving me details for my online Ipad subscription activation.......... I am still waiting.

So I sent them a polite email asking when I would get my subscription activation details.....
I got this response (after the standard response of course, and why do they assume everyone is a Sir??)  that they have assisted me in activating my account and can I try again...... really?  how did they do that and how do I try again when they never fucking sent me anything to activate any fucking account!!  So I sent them another email asking them that very question (politely without the f words of course) and of course I get the standard response again......

So for people publishing papers which communicate to people all the news of the world, they dont seem to be very capable of communicating with their subscribers.....
Will I cancel my subscription I wonder or wait this one out.

UPDATE
I received a reply informing me that I had to download an app then only could I log on......question is why the fuck didnt they tell me that from the beginning!!  so I cancelled my subscription.  cutting my nose off to spite my face i guess.....

so I feel quite stupid.......

You know how we think everything high tech is complicated......

In my previous post about arriving in London and not being able to use my phone etc etc, I thought the problem was because I had forgotten to release a locked SIM card or something complicated like that..... 

I sent via email a "please help me I cant use my phone" email to my phone provider and they even said they would call me in London to see how they could help.  This morning I got a call on my sisters London land line, and the woman said " Err you cant use your phone in London because you dont have international roaming"

Well the nice people from my phone providers then got me all set up for roaming and my phone is now connected........

I really feel dumb right now.......

Summer in London

Yeah that's right I am in London!

But not for a holiday.....looking after my sister as she just had her foot reconstructed.  She was born with flat feet, and being on her feet for the last 49 years plus being a hairdresser and busy working mother, and not wearing proper shoes ( she also found out she had an extra bone in her right foot which made it hard to wear proper support) finally came to a head and she couldn't walk without pain, hence the foot reconstruction, one foot at a time......

I don't know about you but having a sister around when you have had surgery is probably the most important thing........a sister to care for you and cook you nutritious soups and just have that support of someone who knows you, can't beat it.  Which is why  I am here.
I think I enjoy being needed and looking after people, especially people I love, and who would complain about being in  London during summer!

The days leading up to my departure were as always fraught with disasters........ Too much work to clear up in the office ( I have to be online everyday for an hour and do a con call while on holiday!) I was tired, stressed and worried about my sister......
As her operation date was fixed late, I didn't get a very good deal on the ticket and flew Finnair .  Another airline to talk about!  Did you know you had to pay for alcohol on some European airlines!  Well beer and wine with dinner was free but other than that you had to pay for it!  I am so spoilt!
Gluten free food was shit but that's because it came out of Singapore airports catering!  Other than that Finnair was fabulous!  I must say these Scandinavians are a very civilized lot, perfect manners, gorgeous to look at, hard to believe they were blood thirsty Vikings once! Must be evolution!

I was in transit at Helsinki airport for about an hour after which I got on a BA flight to London, all good, no complaints until Albina the Ukranian that lived in Helsinki, sat next to me.
Conversation started innocently enough until she asked where I was from....
"Singapore"
Blank stare.....
"Is that in China"
In went downhill after that.......for an hour, worse thing though was that I couldn't stop looking at her mustache......
"Do you think all the suffering in Asia is because you all aren't Christians, it's a cursed land"
This time I had the blank stare..... She went on and on and the best was
" I am sorry to say but you will burn in hell for not being a Christian"
My retort
" but Albina, if  we are all Gods children why should it matter that I am not a Christian..... And besides I don't believe in heaven or hell so to me I won't burn in your idea of hell"

Not a very comfortable conversation 30,000 feet in the air......

Anyway I got to Heathrow in one piece, God hadn't punished me for my blasphemous views but then my phone didn't work at all, and I couldn't get in touch with my sisters partner via call or text or what's app to let him know I was on the tube on the way as he was supposed to meet me at the station and help me with my bags on the bus and back to their flat.  It's a good thing I remembered the way, so I lugged my 20 kilo bag (not overweight for once) which was full of food things for my sister, through the station, across the road, on the bus, then crossed the road again and up to the flat........then I realized I didn't know what number the flat was so couldn't buzz her partner....... Thank goodness someone let me in and I went up to the flat...... I knew where it was just not the number on the door!

I later realized that I actually had to release the SIM card on my iPhone before going overseas........ And worse still I hadn't done the same thing to my credit card.......

So perhaps Albina the Ukrainian living in Helsinki had a point........I was doomed........ Yeah right!

Anyway I am here for 2 weeks to be mother to my sister, to love her and look after her.  I wish I had been able to take more time off but I know she will be in good hands after I leave,and I get to come back in six months or so when she does the other foot........

time to start worrying about retirement???

Every Singaporean, when they start work automatically gets enrolled in our Central Provident Fund.  Its like a forced savings plan which helps you buy your first home and set you up for medical savings and retirement.

Our government controls the fund and makes changes to it off and on with regards to how much money you can withdraw when and what is the minimum amount you should have in the fund  by the time you reach 55.

There has been alot of debate recently about the minimum amount and the fact that we can't withdraw all the

article in the Sunday times today

money when we want etc etc.......
There are two sides to this, as in every situation....

The first is
Its my money!  Its my life! Its my hard earned money so why do I have to listen to the government about investing my money.  Why cant I just get the whole amount in there and do what I want with it.

The second is
Its a prudent retirement plan which will ensure I have enough money when I retire.  It will give me money to look after myself when I am old and I don't have to depend on the state (we don't have much government assisted schemes for the unemployed, poor or old and sick, which is why we enjoy relatively low taxes as we don't believe in taxing people half their salaries so that the unemployed and old get handouts)

Now while both  sides have their merit, I have some questions as I will be 55 in a few years and I will see my money frozen in the retirement account and perhaps my home too, depending on which scheme I opt for.

First question
Its my fucking money and I don't want either plan you have listed so what else can I do?  There is an option to show the government any other life annuity plans one might have bought privately or topping it up with cash to be frozen....

Second question
What gives the government the right to tell me that I have to pledge my home in one of the options?  When we bought our homes and you happily told us that we could use "our" money in our CPF accounts to pay the mortgage, why didn't you tell us then  " oh by the way when you retire you have to pledge back this very home up to the amount you used from your CPF to top up your minimum sum".

Third Question
As I know I will not be able to retire at 65 and I will have to continue working at any job I can get, why are you putting all my money into the retirement account when I reach 55?

 It sounds to me like strong arm tactics.  It sounds to me that the government is being big brother and bullying me into choosing one of the schemes.  It sounds to me that the government is being the nanny in this nanny state when they (the G)  protest that we the citizens have to stop expecting the government to be the nanny.

While I can see its a good way to plan for retirement, and I didn't plan for my retirement as I was too busy trying to feed my children and keep a roof over my head for too many years, I still think strong arm tactics are not the best way to explain it to people like me who are facing the prospect of seeing their hard earned money kept frozen out of their reach.

The CPF thing is a complicated maze and its still not clear to me so I will be calling the CPF  to understand my options better, so this post could just be a rant about nothing, or it could just be the tip of the iceberg.......

Single again

So I am back where I started, single again, as I broke it off with P.   Too much of a coward to do it in person so I broke up with that lovely man via text.

I was very flattered when I first started going out with P, flattered that a man actually wanted to spend time with me , but after awhile I also started to resent his intrusion into my life.  That's when I realized that something didn't quite feel right.  I had let the flattery and the attention P gave me, take over from what I was actually feeling.  I let my head rule and I didn't listen to my heart..... Not a good option for me.

I was stressed out these past few weeks knowing that I didn't feel as much for him as I should.  I struggled not knowing what to do as I really liked P but I was fast realizing that it was friendship rather than love.  I kept telling myself  that here was this  nice man who likes me and  who wants to make me happy, but I knew that I felt a deep friendship for him and nothing more.  I felt like I was leading him on.  This man deserves someone to love him completely, to cherish him and to make him happy.  I am not that woman.

So this leaves me with a lot to think about.  I keep saying I want someone to share my life with me yet when I find a nice man who wanted to do just that, I shut him out.  Am I too set in my ways and too independent that I can't let anyone in or is it that P just wasn't the right man?

All I know is that I am single again..........

if i could drive....i would be the original hipster...

I never learnt to drive.

It never bothered me much before, this lack of driving ability, except recently.  Living in Singapore one doesn't need to drive, as public transport is excellent and affordable, even with overcrowding and recent train breakdowns, its still an excellent means of getting around the island.

However, the lack of a vehicle and the means to operate said machine, has made me a bit frustrated at times.  I cant just plan a route to several pit stops through out the day to purchase stuff or just to browse through places.  Its limiting my weekends in that I am unable to fulfil my wanderlust.

my dream.....

If I could drive however what car would I see myself in.....
I think of that alot
The mini is definitely the car I would drive, its small, its easy to park and manoeuvre and I am sure it wont be too hard to zip around in that.
I of course always wanted a Vespa....instead of a motorbike.  yes the romanticised version of the motorbike is probably my favourite form of transport.

This morning in the papers I saw my dream vehicle.  A vespa with a side car!!  How Brilliant!  me thinks perhaps I should go get my licence just so that I can go buy one of these.  There even is a guy that customises them  ( See an article about the guy here)

Something to add to the bucket list...........

Recycling the Singapore way

I was,  until a few months ago extremely lucky in that I had people come to my doorstep to collect my recyclables.  No big deal you may think but I live on the 13th floor in a block of flats.

I just had to leave my paper, glass and plastic outside my front door and some little lovely elf would come collect it and leave behind the bags I needed to use for the next 2 weeks collection.

That all changed at the end of February.

Due to manpower shortage, they were no longer able to go house to house to collect the recyclables and were going to be providing recycling bins at the lift lobby.  All good, no problem, we could go down and sort our own recyclables and put them in the appropriate bins.......
well that didn't quite happen.

the recycling bin

We got one bin for everything, and it was left out in the elements where rain would of course damage all that paper.  So I did the normal thing I do, I wrote in to ask what the hell was going on and where were the proper recycling bins...
I sent them the picture on the left and asked if this was what they thought was an effective way to recycle.
To their credit they rectified part of the problem by placing 2 bins, on another side of the lift lobby but they couldn't put a bin for each category of recyclable.
I was told to put the items in a plastic bag and then place that bag into the recycling bin.

the irony was obviously lost on them.....

sharing my space

With A telling me that I was only good for sex ( well he did put it a bit better than that but....) I was quite determined to not let sex be the drive that makes me start a relationship ever again.

Lust was put in a box and buried in the garden. and frankly it hasn't been that hard to abstain.  Perhaps its because I haven't wanted any other man to touch me.
These past few months I have been seeing P (Ice Cream Man, so named as our first date was meeting for ice cream) on and off and taking it very slow.  We hang out and enjoy each others company and he is quite happy to not force or cajole me into being intimate before I am ready.

P chases marathons, yes this man likes to run, and he was planning to run the Great Wall Marathon in Beijing on the 1st of May.  He asked me if I wanted to go along, and I said no, too soon.  Then a few weeks ago I said yes, I would go.   Two days before we left I changed my mind about Beijing ..... And I told P it's best we don't see each other anymore.

Any man would run screaming from me, I seem to be dragging all my baggage, an overweight  baggage allowance at that, with me  and can't seem to move on from A.  I don't know why, even with A telling me he only wanted a sexual relationship and not love......... Shoot me now!

So instead of being with P in Beijing I was here, alone with my camera.  But I needed that time alone, I needed to address the imbalance.     I spent the days doing things I loved, at my pace with no pressure from anyone to give any part of my time.  I regained some of my balance and realised that my space, as in my me time and the physical space was very important to me.  P still wants to see me...............

I have to think carefully as I don't want to play with emotions or hurt anyone.  Am I content in my own solitary world or can I let someone in.  I always said I wanted to share my life with someone but how much of that am I willing to share.  I like my own space, so  can I stop being so selfish to allow this man in?

 I am going to try and who knows it may not end up as the perfect relationship or P and I may find that we just cant let go of our respective baggage.  But we are going to be patient with each other and give it a go.

Fingers crossed...........

my art deco fantasy

you can see the guards sitting there..... and on the right the
new roof of the new stadium

Thursday I went to the Kallang Airport, an Art Deco airport terminal built in 1937 or so.   I love Art Deco buildings... so this is probably the first of my art deco posts........

The Old airport still stands and with the development of our new
stadium, which is a stone throwing distance away, they are going to redevelop the the old airport terminal as a lifestyle hub.....horrors!  One hopes they don't gut the grand old dame and 'refurbish' the building and interiors.

looking through a hole in the hoardings

I wasn't expecting to find the gate open and did walk straight in but a couple of guards sitting under the porch of the building blew their whistle at me several times ( as I ignored the first few times) and waved me away....lazy bastards I should have continued walking to see if they would leave their shady respite and haul me off but being the good citizen that I am, I left.  Most of the perimeter is boarded up but I still walked around the whole plot trying to get a good shot.  I would have liked to get pictures from the inside but oh well....perhaps another day....

the old dame locked away with progress in the background

wanderings

last couple of days I have been wandering around alone taking pictures.  On Wednesday it was in the Botanic Gardens and I took so many pictures and enjoyed my day so much that the Gardens deserve another post.....

the old Pagoda

old bungalow, was a French restaurant

The botanic gardens balanced my equilibrium and put me at peace with being me.  I had slathered sunblock and happily spent all late morning and early afternoon wandering the gardens and taking pictures.  I walked the entire length of the gardens, looking to find my favourite spot for future picnics.  I found art in the gardens too.

I saw the gardeners working in the gardens, saw men in trees, saw a little girl chasing butterflies, and try to stomp on it, much to the horror of her mother.  I saw families, tourists, students, people intent on exercising while looking at their mobile phones, forgetting to look up and appreciate the peace and tranquillity of the gardens.

by the swan lake...seriously that's the name of the little lake

spot the man in the tree

feeding my soul

We forget sometimes that we need to feed our souls.

I havent been right these past couple of months, not sick, just a bit lost.  So I needed to take a day off from

chasing butterflies

life and play with my (not so) new camera. I headed to our Gardens in the middle of the city to find some sanity.  I chased butterflies, talked to pigeons, and just sat and stared at the green.

Singapore Botanic Gardens

I played with depth, lenses and just walked and enjoyed the gardens.

The tranquillity and peace I got wandering around the gardens eased my soul and spirit. I feel like I  have regained some balance and while I know I havent achieved total clarity, at least I fed my soul today.

our old fav picnic spot

life is like a cartoon

I have always wanted to get someone to do a caricature of me

I finally got my wish.....
It sort of looks like me but a little not like me either.....

but then its not really me is it!

Death by chocolate

It's dangerous when I am bored......I get up to mischief.

So it's a good thing I channel that mischief into my cooking..........
The twin was over here for a visit and she brought me good quality cooking chocolate as she knows I love cooking.  Today I thought I would make dessert, something with chocolate which I could enjoy with  a glass of red wine with said chocolate dessert........

after a lovely dinner of roast chicken and roast pumpkin, I had gluten free chocolate lava cake.......

I got the recipe for the chocolate lava cake Here and you know how
those chefs are always telling you to get good ingredients ......well fuck me, they were right.
It's makes a big bloody difference!

God damn it was good, as good as a great orgasm while having sex with a real live man, as opposed to having sex with BOB my battery operated friend.......but I digress.

Death by chocolate....the only way to go...

the long and short of it

As a Sikh  girl growing up I was not allowed to cut my hair.  While the parents were not uber religious they still conformed to the norm of the Sikh religion that we do not cut our hair.

me at 1

that's me on the left nxt to sis on her bday
with a big fat plait.  notice the 60's buns on the ladies

My father however, cut his hair when he went to India to do his flying, which of course pissed his parents off.  Mum kept her hair long in the early days of marriage and insisted on her children following suit........until my younger sister had her hair cut when she was a toddler as combing her hair was torture for both Mum and her.  Then when baby brother was born, the parents fucking cut his hair too!

me on the right in red, 70's
 when I had my asthma attacks,
check out the braids/plaits

So there we were the two oldest of the siblings with long plaits, while our two younger siblings had short manageable hair.  My hair grew long and thick and I could at one time actually sit on my hair.  I had to plait it every morning before school and when I turned 13, my hair was so heavy and thick that I begged Mum to let me cut it.  She finally relented and my older sister and I could cut our hair, but the length had to be down to the middle of our backs......

When I eloped with the ex, (I was 17) he got me to cut my hair short,

80's haircut! with my babies

as that would make it harder for the parents to find me I guess.....and I kept it short until I divorced him.  From then till now I had it at various lengths, keeping it boy short for 10 years as well.  My sons hated that haircut, for years they told me I looked like a lesbian butch out for revenge on men.....perhaps that was the look I was going for....... and I was hit on by many women while I was in my short hair phase.  I grew my hair out after 2007, when I started seriously looking for a man..........another Epiphany!

haircut  2007

Since then my hair has been at varying lengths but never have I gone back to the short boy cut.  This last two years I have had it long, and frankly  I am quite useless at doing anything fancy with my hair or putting it up elegantly, I just look messy and unkempt.  Lustrous hair is wasted on me.  I don't like spending time on my hair, or going to the hairdressers to have anything done, and I last cut my hair at the end of June last year!

I finally chopped it off on Saturday, not boy short but short and

from 2012 

bouncy enough to put a spring in my step and have everyone tell me I look fresh and younger....not that I want to look younger but it doesn't hurt the ego to have young men look at me and smile and tell me that I look nice with the new haircut, and after A bashed/minced/trampled/chewed and spat out my heart, it feels good.....

I tried to put up  pics from all decades, what is missing is the 90's but the hair was short like the 80's.  Whats also missing is the pic of me and the new haircut.

eating crow for the week

I always thought that once an old rocker hits a certain age they should just retire.  Like Ozzy Osborne, Paul McCartney (not a rocker but you get the drift).  Once they hit a certain age, the voice falters, the energy wanes and they look quite pathetic on stage.  Its heart wrenching to watch them when they cant sing anymore.

Last year I watched one of my heroes on stage - Robert Plant and I was quite relieved that he could still sing live, he may not have the full strong voice anymore but it was still there, and so was his charisma on stage.

The Rolling Stones are on their Asia leg of their world tour and tickets got snapped up in 2 hours!  The tickets were also overpriced but that is what one pays to watch rock royalty.  I wasn't too disappointed as I thought the concert would be a dud anyway, they are too old and even though I worshiped them, I didn't think they would be as good.....blah blah blah....... sour grapes........

they came out to say hi

Well the venue where the Stones were performing decided to hold a mini rock festival, inviting local bands to play in an open event plaza and open it up to the public for free.  Yes that's right, free!  and they were having a large screen and would beam the Stones concert out to the locals who couldn't afford the tickets, all for free as well.
I wanted to watch a couple of the old local rock bands that were performing but wasn't that keen to stay to watch the Stones........ well I ended up staying, and am now eating crow as Mick blew my mind!
Forget the fact that the faces are creased ( I applaud them though as no botox or surgery!!) and Keith seems to have a pot belly, their energy especially Mick's would put some younger rockers to shame.  That man oozes charisma out of every pore in his body, that pout, the moves ( like only Jagger can do) haven't slowed or changed since he started this rock thing.  The man is 70 for fucks sake!

So this week I shall humbly eat crow and admit I was oh so wrong about the Stones!

self censorship

When I started this blog I naively thought that I could write anything I wanted to.
I would write it as it is........write everything that was happening to me......be open about everything.
Well that hasn't happened.

I find that I don't want to share everything.  This last couple of months there have been changes happening in my life but I choose not to share as it's very painful and personal.  While writing is cathartic and I have several drafts  to prove it, I wont publish those posts.
Is it self censorship or is it that  in this day and age of over sharing I want some things left private (that's why I have a love hate relationship with Facebook!)
  I keep to myself the most private things that are going on in my life as publishing those thoughts will involve hurting people I love and care deeply about..

I am not coping well with the stress of whats been happening and for me that's a first.  My big sis thinks my hormones have gone out of whack and I think I am living in some LSD fueled private hell.  Alcohol is no longer the relaxing beverage it used to be.  It now makes we weep for no apparent reason ( after at least 5 gins.  I am still ok after 3 but beyond that ....beware the weeping monster).

If this is menopause well then,  I don't want it, take it back!  But I doubt it is Menopause.  I think its decisions that I have to make and coming to terms with family that have broken my heart.  I have always been good at sweeping feelings under the rug and just getting on with things..... I guess its time to face the issues and not hide away.

Until then I will be biting my tongue.....