Lust was put in a box and buried in the garden. and frankly it hasn't been that hard to abstain. Perhaps its because I haven't wanted any other man to touch me.
These past few months I have been seeing P (Ice Cream Man, so named as our first date was meeting for ice cream) on and off and taking it very slow. We hang out and enjoy each others company and he is quite happy to not force or cajole me into being intimate before I am ready.
P chases marathons, yes this man likes to run, and he was planning to run the Great Wall Marathon in Beijing on the 1st of May. He asked me if I wanted to go along, and I said no, too soon. Then a few weeks ago I said yes, I would go. Two days before we left I changed my mind about Beijing ..... And I told P it's best we don't see each other anymore.
Any man would run screaming from me, I seem to be dragging all my baggage, an overweight baggage allowance at that, with me and can't seem to move on from A. I don't know why, even with A telling me he only wanted a sexual relationship and not love......... Shoot me now!
I have to think carefully as I don't want to play with emotions or hurt anyone. Am I content in my own solitary world or can I let someone in. I always said I wanted to share my life with someone but how much of that am I willing to share. I like my own space, so can I stop being so selfish to allow this man in?
I am going to try and who knows it may not end up as the perfect relationship or P and I may find that we just cant let go of our respective baggage. But we are going to be patient with each other and give it a go.