Monday, 12 May 2014

sharing my space

With A telling me that I was only good for sex ( well he did put it a bit better than that but....) I was quite determined to not let sex be the drive that makes me start a relationship ever again.

Lust was put in a box and buried in the garden. and frankly it hasn't been that hard to abstain.  Perhaps its because I haven't wanted any other man to touch me.
These past few months I have been seeing P (Ice Cream Man, so named as our first date was meeting for ice cream) on and off and taking it very slow.  We hang out and enjoy each others company and he is quite happy to not force or cajole me into being intimate before I am ready.

P chases marathons, yes this man likes to run, and he was planning to run the Great Wall Marathon in Beijing on the 1st of May.  He asked me if I wanted to go along, and I said no, too soon.  Then a few weeks ago I said yes, I would go.   Two days before we left I changed my mind about Beijing ..... And I told P it's best we don't see each other anymore.

Any man would run screaming from me, I seem to be dragging all my baggage, an overweight  baggage allowance at that, with me  and can't seem to move on from A.  I don't know why, even with A telling me he only wanted a sexual relationship and not love......... Shoot me now!

So instead of being with P in Beijing I was here, alone with my camera.  But I needed that time alone, I needed to address the imbalance.     I spent the days doing things I loved, at my pace with no pressure from anyone to give any part of my time.  I regained some of my balance and realised that my space, as in my me time and the physical space was very important to me.  P still wants to see me...............

I have to think carefully as I don't want to play with emotions or hurt anyone.  Am I content in my own solitary world or can I let someone in.  I always said I wanted to share my life with someone but how much of that am I willing to share.  I like my own space, so  can I stop being so selfish to allow this man in?

 I am going to try and who knows it may not end up as the perfect relationship or P and I may find that we just cant let go of our respective baggage.  But we are going to be patient with each other and give it a go.

Fingers crossed...........

No comments:

Post a Comment