Tuesday, 4 March 2014

self censorship

When I started this blog I naively thought that I could write anything I wanted to.
I would write it as it is........write everything that was happening to me......be open about everything.
Well that hasn't happened.

I find that I don't want to share everything.  This last couple of months there have been changes happening in my life but I choose not to share as it's very painful and personal.  While writing is cathartic and I have several drafts  to prove it, I wont publish those posts.
Is it self censorship or is it that  in this day and age of over sharing I want some things left private (that's why I have a love hate relationship with Facebook!)
  I keep to myself the most private things that are going on in my life as publishing those thoughts will involve hurting people I love and care deeply about..

I am not coping well with the stress of whats been happening and for me that's a first.  My big sis thinks my hormones have gone out of whack and I think I am living in some LSD fueled private hell.  Alcohol is no longer the relaxing beverage it used to be.  It now makes we weep for no apparent reason ( after at least 5 gins.  I am still ok after 3 but beyond that ....beware the weeping monster).

If this is menopause well then,  I don't want it, take it back!  But I doubt it is Menopause.  I think its decisions that I have to make and coming to terms with family that have broken my heart.  I have always been good at sweeping feelings under the rug and just getting on with things..... I guess its time to face the issues and not hide away.

Until then I will be biting my tongue.....


  1. I'm hearing you, am up to my armpits studying, but am still reading your posts. xxx