Monday, 2 June 2014

Single again

So I am back where I started, single again, as I broke it off with P.   Too much of a coward to do it in person so I broke up with that lovely man via text.

I was very flattered when I first started going out with P, flattered that a man actually wanted to spend time with me , but after awhile I also started to resent his intrusion into my life.  That's when I realized that something didn't quite feel right.  I had let the flattery and the attention P gave me, take over from what I was actually feeling.  I let my head rule and I didn't listen to my heart..... Not a good option for me.

I was stressed out these past few weeks knowing that I didn't feel as much for him as I should.  I struggled not knowing what to do as I really liked P but I was fast realizing that it was friendship rather than love.  I kept telling myself  that here was this  nice man who likes me and  who wants to make me happy, but I knew that I felt a deep friendship for him and nothing more.  I felt like I was leading him on.  This man deserves someone to love him completely, to cherish him and to make him happy.  I am not that woman.

So this leaves me with a lot to think about.  I keep saying I want someone to share my life with me yet when I find a nice man who wanted to do just that, I shut him out.  Am I too set in my ways and too independent that I can't let anyone in or is it that P just wasn't the right man?

All I know is that I am single again..........

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