Saturday, 10 November 2012

shame on me

"fool me once and shame on you, fool me twice and shame on me"
So I got fooled again,  played for a fool, fooled to the bloody max.

With A messaging me in August about trying to see how we could compromise, I thought lets see, I didn't realise that he wanted me to do all the compromising.
I actually thought that he was up for the challenge and wanted to see how we could BOTH compromise,
 I thought I was sensible, I thought I wasn't naive, I thought lets give him the benefit of the doubt.  Lets go back and bloody shag the man.
Yes I deserve the new name "fool"
Yes I deserved to be laughed at, cos I am an idiot of the highest order.
To top if off, the icing on the fucking cake with a cherry on top,  he tells me "he respects me, he does not belittle me or look down on me at all.  he values what we had and my friendship,  he respects my wishes and is truly sorry that it ended like this."

Its trite, its patronising as it was him that got in contact to see how we could compromise and now he tells me that he  cant commit.  I was the fool to assume that he was willing to compromise.
I have been compromising, I thought I could do the arrangement like he wanted, until I realised that it wasnt enough.  Is it fair for me to expect him to compromise now?
 Time to walk away from him totally and not cling to memories of him and how he makes me feel when I am in his arms. Time to find a man who does want to be with me,  without me having to bargain for what I want.  I am tired of bargaining, tired of not having a more normal relationship where my man is willing to spend time with me doing normal stuff, to meet my family and friends.  I am tired of being the fool.

“Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the fuck? Love?” 
― Christopher MooreFool

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