Wednesday, 14 November 2012

a few days to wallow and indulge in self pity

I am stressed.  I am taking on too much and I can feel myself heading towards total collapse.  I know the symptoms, its happened before.  I put myself in a position where I take on way too much and then cant handle it, I don't ask for help, I think I can do it all, I think that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
It started with my sisters visit. It was nice seeing her but there was tension between her, my brother and his wife.  There is a lot of history between those siblings of mine but I asked my brother to be nice to her.  When the drama started I felt like I had invited it as I asked her to come visit mum.  Totally stupid I know. I also don't like conflict and I wish everyone would just get along!
Then I try to be the perfect mother.  I cook, run around to make sure the son has nutritious meals and do his laundry.  I put myself in the position where I feel guilty if I don't have good meals all ready and waiting for him.  I feel guilty if I don't do the laundry as poor boy is working so hard, I should do his laundry so he can relax.  I forget that I too need to relax.  I run all the errands, do all the grocery shopping, do all the nitty gritty bits and don't ask him for help.
And now with all the drama with A, I am feeling worn out.  I need a day or two or three to do nothing. No errands, no cooking, just to stay home in pajamas, eat chocolate and crisps, watch chick flicks and read and not pick up the phone and have to listen to Mum go on and on.  To  hide beneath the covers and declare war on all errands, responsibility and work!

No comments:

Post a Comment