Tuesday, 30 October 2012

too old for love?

Is there an age limit, is there a use by date?
Are we supposed to sit quietly in a corner in our rocking chairs, once we reach a certain age?  Do we forget all our dreams just because we are older?
Do we ever get too old to fall in love, to want to have that special someone?

I am now 50, is it time to stop looking for that person who will look at me with love and adoration in his eyes. Do I settle, do I compromise on what  I want. Do I allow a man to tell me that he cannot commit and I just have to take what I can now and damn the consequences.

Its confusing, this whole thing about relationships,attempts at a relationship.  I don't know what to do anymore.

If you have followed my blog, you would know that I did attempt to have a relationship (I was and still am afraid of relationships) with the Frontier and we decided in May that it would not work so we went our separate ways.  Sometime in August he messaged me to ask if there was nothing we could/should do. If there was any way forward or some sort of compromise where we both get something. I am unsure about this as my wants haven't changed.  I still want him, I still really like this man, I still want a commitment.  Yes Yes I know, we don't always get what we want but for a relationship shouldn't we try our best to get what we want?

 Am I being too insistent about what a relationship is all about or am I right in asking him for commitment.  I do want some sort of commitment.  It is not marriage, its not moving in together. It is us being together in our way, being committed to each other but maintain our own lives as well.  Is it too much to ask of him, to meet my friends and family, to want him to be a part of my life?

So he has to think about what he wants, whether he can commit to be with me, to share my life and I share his.  Am I delusional in thinking that our type of relationship is possible? He doesn't think it is.  He wants boundaries, he wants things to be defined.  I don't work well within boundaries.  I don't want things defined. I know I will become bitter and a bitch if we go back to our arrangement as I know I am settling.

Its stalemate.  For now.

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