Friday, 22 May 2015

save my soul wanderlust

Every so often I get itchy feet.

Or rather my soul feels restless and I have this urge to leave everything and everyone behind.

Its been awhile since I had a holiday and by holiday I mean a few weeks of traveling and being on my own to explore.  Yes,  that costs money, and a good boss who will let me take off for 3 weeks. Money wise, I usually set aside a few thousand every year for house improvements, and I figure this year  that money can go into my "save my soul" budget. The boss... well fingers crossed my leave gets approved...

I have booked a short beach getaway in June with a couple of the girls and that will help to restore some balance..... but its not enough.  

San Gimignano
I have wanted to do Tuscany for  some time now and I found a few companies that offer walking tours through the Tuscan towns and hills.  It will allow me the opportunity to wander and take pictures, visit old monasteries, walk medieval streets and if I plan it right, be in Tuscany for the MotoGP in September.

Its a 7 day walking tour through towns like Sienna, San Gimignano, and I can end up in Florence where I intend to spend a few days gawking at renaissance art.

I am relatively fit (apart from the asthma) but walking a few miles each day is something that will require some preparation.
So this Sunday morning I will start my 'training' with P ( sweet man that he is, has volunteered to help me with my training) and we begin with a 5 to 6 mile walk on a flat surface....

I may have to do this on my own but if anyone out there wants to join me for a soul cleansing walk through history.... leave a comment.

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

red dawn

its been hot

and I have been taking pictures of the rising sun this past week as when its a red dawn you know  its going to be a hot day...
This morning....6.30am


Monday, 18 May 2015

Menopause mayhem

So the usual supplements I take to lessen the mayhem that comes with menopause, were no longer available from my suppliers
The manufacturers changed the contents of the supplements and left out a few key herbs that helped with mood swings, depression and hot sweats.....

So for the last few weeks I have been on a roller coaster ride with mood swings and tears.
And unfortunately it's been while I have been at work.
My twin in Perth told me off, "stop being so negative and try no to let your emotions get the better of u at work."

It's been tough.  I was left without one member of our small admin team and I assumed I was supposed to take over everything....I take on too much as it is and I started feeling fatalistic and took on the persona of the usual victim who's mantra is always"why me".....
I have been trying to let some positive shine through but the easy option of wrapping up myself in a cocoon of woe was too easy.

So I ordered some new supplements (they don't come till the end of the month) and am trying to maintain a clean eating regime which does help a bit...
Will I be able to focus and be positive at work?   I don't know,  but I am going to try and snap out of the misery and woe and see how I can turn this into a good thing...

Until the new supplements arrive and while I am still struggling with being overwhelmed at work, I shall lay blame for the mayhem at the feet of that old devil..menopause.

Sunday, 17 May 2015

Find someone to sit with you.....

My mother calls me almost everyday, just for a quick chat.

Recently Dads death anniversary had come around and she was feeling reflective and depressed and lonely.She missed Dad, even though he sometimes was a shit head, he was her shithead and they would have been doing things together.  "Find someone" she told me.

That night I watched re runs of Wallander, and in that particular episode,  the main character's father tells him "Find someone to sit with you"

Its getting harder to delude myself into thinking that I can just be alone, I know that  I want  a companion, friend and lover, I don't  want a person forever constantly at my heels but someone who has his own life and we occasionally spend holidays or do things together... Someone willing to let me into his life and actually want to give me some of his time and someone who would let me be independent and have my own time.

So those words were a kind of wake up call.....because I want someone to be with me, I want to find someone I can have that slightly strange relationship with ..............someone who wants to sit with me.........

Monday, 11 May 2015

a fuck off bitch face

I lack the necessary skills to communicate with my fellow colleagues.......or perhaps its just that my feelings towards some of my colleagues show clearly on my face.

I sit in the management meetings ( yes i somehow am part of the small management team) and I have to give updates on the usual office things and  some of the items on my list are stupid nonsense that needs saying like "wear your access pass cos we dont have a receptionist anymore to let you into the office."

So I tend to be serious in these meetings and I was just told by the boss that I should be careful in case people got the wrong impression.......
So while I think half of the people on the management team dont walk the talk they preach, I have to try to be civil to them during meetings.....

I am not here to make friends, its just work....and when I am serious and am concentrating on a task I tend to just get down to business and I do forget to smile and make small talk....but then if its people I dont like,  I really dont want to make small talk or give my updates and requests with a smile....

Besides, I dont realise I am being "grumpy" and serious, I just think lets get on with the meeting and move on to the next thing.....

But obviously I do rub people the wrong way and it does have a lot to do with my rather bored, fuck off and leave me alone bitch face.....

and I wonder why no one wants to ask me out.....

Thursday, 9 April 2015

on a very strict diet.....well maybe not that strict but strict enough

Singapore is a food lovers delight and as Asians we love having hot meals for lunch as well as dinner. So the food courts are filled with places that sell hot steaming bowls of noodles, rice with hot aromatic dishes and food that covers all Asian ethnic cravings...
So lunch became a gorge fest, with me eating everything I imagined...even forgetting that I should be eating gluten free.

So I put on a few extra kilos and the clothes didn't quite fit anymore.  Always a call to action I say, when the clothes don't fit.
I found a food delivery service that actually delivered healthy options, including Gluten free, to the office.
my daily lunch
I signed up for it and so far have had 3 meals and will continue this for the month of April.
I also have been limiting carbs and eating healthy for dinner at home ( no more crisps and chocolates) and even if its been less than a week of eating healthy, I am feeling better and the clothes aren't so tight.

The problem (there always is a problem) is how long can I sustain eating these delivered meals as it tastes quite bland and for the last 3 meals I have had grilled peppers....I hate peppers. I have however paid for a months worth of meals so I would have to suck it up and just eat it and perhaps bring in some flavour from home like my homemade Sambal ( its like a chili jam)  and left over veg.

My aim is to lose at least 4 kilos and then maintain that weight.  Treats will have to be limited as I put it all back on very easily....I blame menopause and age and not the fact that we just really should be exercising more and eating less and having smaller portions.

When will I learn, probably never,  but I will keep trying to eat smaller portions of healthier food as I really do not look or feel good when fat!

Monday, 6 April 2015


What is molest.  The dictionary defines it as

1.  To bother, interfere with or annoy
2.  To make indecent sexual advances to
3.  To assault sexually

Molesting someone doesn't sound as bad as sexually assaulting someone.  The word somehow denotes that molest is less serious than a sexual assault.
It isn't.
Molest is usually a person trying to touch you on certain body parts that no one else should touch except for your partner/lover/spouse.

Its a common phenomenon in crowded cities and Singapore has seen a rise in cases.  It is usually men molesting women.  And yes I do know some women make it up or are mistaken that molest has taken place....but how do we know?

A few weeks ago I was on my way home through a very crowded tunnel of the underground train station. This particular station is a disaster waiting to happen as there are no separate areas for the coming and going of people who are rushing to different platforms to catch their trains.
A tall heavy set man took the opportunity to walk straight into me and his arm went straight into my chest  It was not an accident. This man had a lot of space to avoid me but he deliberately walked into me and pushed his arm into my chest and dragged it across my left boob..  There was nothing accidental about that.

It happened in the blink of an eye, and he was gone within seconds, swallowed up into the crowd and while I did yell after him, I couldn't see where he had gone.
Should I have reported it?  What would I have said?
I couldn't remember what he looked like except that he was a fat smelly Chinese Man.
I couldn't remember what he wore except that it was a dark brown tshirt.

So I just made my way home.....but men take the opportunity in crowded areas to get away with touching women.  Because they can......

I still take the train to that station to get home but I dread walking through that tunnel to my connecting train in case it happens again. While  Singapore is relatively safe, I have never taken it for granted, but I got complacent and I thought that my age would have been a deterrent to any molester.

A used to ask me why I didnt travel alone or just go out and wander around on my own.....this is the reason.  I have been molested before, my boobs seem to bring out the worst in men. Men seem to think they can just reach out and grab.

Always be on your guard ladies...... men will take any opportunity anywhere anytime....

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Tinder.......21st century dating

The daily commute is boring.

We are squashed close to people we don't know nor want to know.  I get hair in my face, bags pushed into my hip and boobs and sometimes I get to peek into someones life.

There are several commuters that spend the time checking Facebook, playing Candy Crush( I seem to have gone off that game.....), replying to texts, reading the news and checking their Tinder account....all on their mobile phones.

This morning I got my first glimpse of what and how a Tinder account looks like. The sweet young thing next to me first had her daily dose of facebook then she switched to Tinder and I had a good look at how the app works.
She went through several pictures of men and only stopped at the Japanese or Korean looking ones and then went through their profiles.  but it looked ruthless ,  a quick look, swipe and he was gone.....
(I asked Google, and it seems there is a left swipe and a right swipe..... one to keep the person and the other to move on)

Dating in the 21st Century I guess.....

like everything the Millennials do, its quick and instant.  The generation of digitally savvy, selfie loving and perhaps narcissistic young people probably don't have the time to date like we used to.

It started with all the dating websites and has now moved on to dating Apps, as their mobile phones are no longer just a phone but part of their daily lives, so why not date with an app......

I am curious how it works but not curious enough to join something like this as am still very much confused about what I want, and son no 2 is on it as well......and frankly I would feel rather stupid downloading and creating a profile on a dating app at my age...

I used to find the websites daunting, with so many choices, people stopped wanting to spend time with one person as there seemed to be so many fish in the on Tinder I wonder how someone makes a choice and actually commits to one person...

The world is moving so fast and I worry about my son out there in the Tinder world of dating.  As a parent you want your child to find someone to spend his/her life with.  Someone to grow old with.  How on earth do you find someone on a phone app where there is only 1 second before that person swipes to the next profile?

Its a scary world out there and I wonder if Tinder just made it scarier?

Friday, 13 March 2015

people are not as nice as they make out to be

So in the past few days I have been told to stop caring too much, by at least 5 people.

and a cousin told me, almost two years ago that  I had too much time on my hands which is why I liked to interfere in other peoples lives....

Over the past week I have had to stop myself from getting involved in the office and in some family matters and it has got me thinking.......

Am I interfering?  Do I have this massive desire to get involved in peoples lives?
navel gazing?
So I did a little navel gazing

When people come to me with a problem, I naturally seek a solution.  I figure that they tell me stuff as they must want a solution.... right?

I also have a sense of fairness that fucking  kills me.....I am always on the underdogs side ( unless it happens to be sport then all bets are off ).
When I feel that an injustice has occurred I will speak up and defend that person even if that person hasn't asked me to speak up for them.  I make it my mission in life to right the always find the right way to be.

we think we do good for others....

If you hurt someone I love, I will defend them.  If you hurt someone who is vulnerable, I will defend them.
If I know that someone is being taken for a ride, I want to shake that person and tell them to wake up and see that the world is not a nice place.

I end up being let down by people I want to and have helped.  I take it personally when they fuck up.
I end up being labelled feisty and opinionated when I stand up for people....which to me is not a bad thing but sometimes I do think that I care too much what happens to everyone around me.  I want to fix things for everyone.

I know I have to stop as I get really upset and cant sleep when things don't get fixed.  I want people to be honest, good and not have an ulterior motive because that is what I aspire to be.

If only everyone could be nicer.........

Monday, 9 March 2015

the place of poisoned smiles

Most offices are a hotbed of gossip and cliques, very much like high school which we thought we left far behind when we entered the working world.....

I hate to break anyones bubble but the working world is exactly like the playgrounds we thought we had graduated from.

The popular people still are the ones in charge and the misfits like me watch in horror as  they takeover the boardroom and press their agenda forward.

I am tired of dodging bullets and knives that are constantly being thrown at me, I am tired of knowing that behind the smiles and cheerful banter lie cold hearts and scheming minds.
I have always been a straight up, no nonsense  person and I forget that not everyone is cut from the same cloth.  I forget that people will step all over you to get their way.

The office politics is getting extremely tiresome. I knew this place had alot of  venom floating around and I wrote about it after a few weeks of joining the company and  My old post, Life lessons from a non swimmer described the back stabbing environment.

Problem is I care what happens and I care enough to want to make this environment as non toxic as I can and I sometimes get caught up in the whole making a difference thing but the people I fight for, end up joining the other side, leaving me feeling like I have just gone through a revolving door too many times.

So I am feeling sorry for myself right now.  Friday morning was such a positive high that the back stabbing on Friday evening left me quite shell shocked......
I am too sensitive I know, and I do know that I forget to take my own advice.... "Its nothing personal, its just a job"
My desire for everyone to like me takes over and  I hate that there are people here that dont.  So I shall wallow in self pity, mope around and stay away from everyone that doesnt like me......just for a
little while.


Stephen Fry > Quotable Quote

Stephen Fry

“Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '.

Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice.

I think it's one of things we find unattractive about the american culture, a culture which I find mostly, extremely attractive, and I like americans and I love being in america. But, just occasionally there will be some example of the absolutely ravening self pity that they are capable of, and you see it in their talk shows. It's an appalling spectacle, and it's so self destructive. I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying 'How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say - ' Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself - And you will be happy '. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that's what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like 'Oh that's so simple', because it's not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bloody hard. Because we do feel sorry for ourselves, it's what Genesis is all about.”

― Stephen Fry

Friday, 6 March 2015

What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;

Asian names are a bit of a challenge

Each race has their own way of having their name written.  I am Indian and I was born into the Sikh religion, and we complicated things even more when our tenth and last Guru,  Guru Gobind Singh decreed that we were to have  Kaur ( for females) and Singh (for males) as our last names.

(See below for an excerpt from Wiki explaining the Singh & Kaur names)

So my name in full is very different from what I am known as to all my friends, family, acquaintances, on social media, colleagues, suppliers, work related partners..... well you get the drift..
I am known to everyone as Puteh Gurm.  Puteh is not my given name it is a nickname my grandmother gave me when I was a couple of months old as I was a very fair baby and Puteh means white in Malay

I grew up hating my real name (I still do) as no one could pronounce it, and that included the "Kaur".  Chinese and Malay friends and colleagues didn't understand nor did they want to try to understand, what my name meant and why I had the Kaur in it.  I also had my family name Gurm tagged on at the end, which confused them even more. On all official documents like passport, bank accounts etc, my real full name is listed.  On my business cards and my email address I am Puteh Gurm.. Even my own mother uses this nick name and not my real name.

The Malays have a different way of naming their children.  for example a woman would have a name like Roslinda binte Suleiman.  It translates to Roslinda daughter of Suleiman.  A male child would have Roslan Bin Suleiman, Roslan son of Suleiman... So its not really a surname or family name like Smith or Jones. Each child would just have their fathers name at the end,

The Chinese have a surname but they tag it at the beginning  of their names - example Tan Ming Choo - Tan being the surname or family name.  Some Indians only have one name and follow the Malay way, and add in the fathers name at the end of it........
Yes it is as complicated as it sounds and most of us don't bother to learn the differences in the way names are being written or which one is the last name or the first name.

Try cleaning up a database of names where first names were entered last and surnames first, for a 500 guest event, with guests from all races and having a registration list that states last names first.......

I wrote this post because I am tired of being addressed as Mr. Puteh on emails.
Now firstly lets talk about the fact  that they didn't bother to find out if I am Male or Female, they assumed.
Secondly they used my first name thinking that it would be like the Chinese ( funny how the dominant majority always think that everyone follows their way) way of having the family name written first.
So today I politely wrote back to the person informing them of the oversight

"FYI it is Ms not Mr and Puteh is my first name so to address me using Ms it should be Ms Gurm or just Puteh".

Its not only on email but at airports especially at the Australian Immigration that I get asked repeatedly why I have entered Gurm as family name when it should be Kaur......No it isn't supposed to be Kaur.  I have the right to use Kaur as a  MIDDLE name   (or rather its in my bloody passport and birth certificate so I cant get rid of it if I wanted to .....I could by deed poll but that's just too damn difficult)

Gurm is my last name, that is the family name and I will use that as my last name on all immigration forms.....but the Australian Immigration  just aren't culturally advanced enough to listen when I try to explain it.  I get told off for being difficult!

Trust me, I want it simple too.  I just want to be known as Puteh Gurm.......

Excerpt from Wiki - the part about gender equality is fascinating....I wonder if the less progressive in the Sikh religion knew that.....
Kaur is a name used by Sikh women either as the middle name, or as a last name. It can be regarded as a true surname.[citation needed] The tenth guru of Sikhs, Guru Gobind Singh, made it mandatory for Sikh females to use the name Kaur and for Sikh males to use the name Singh, when he administered Amrit (baptism) to both males and female Sikhs. All female Sikhs were asked to use the name Kaur after their forename and males were to use the name Singh. (Since 'Kaur' means "Princess", the name acts as a symbol of equality among males and females.) This custom further confirmed the equality of both genders as was the tradition set by the founder of Sikhism, Shri Guru Nanak Dev Ji. It was intended to give women a sense of self-respect. Singh is also used by some females because Singh can be a last name. It is the most common last name used by Sikhs.
Kaur provides Sikh women with a status equal to all men. This was also intended to reduce the prejudice created by caste-typing based on the family name. Prejudice based on caste was still rampant during Guru Gobind's time (17th century). This particularly affected women who were expected to take their husband's family name upon marriage.[2][3] The British required women to take on their husbands' names.
Sikh principles believe that all men and women are completely equal. Therefore, a woman is a princess and can lead her own life as an individual, equal to men. She does not need a man's title to raise her own status. Saying this would go against the principles stated in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib, the religious text of Sikhism. Guru Nanak Dev Ji states:
From woman, man is born; within woman, man is conceived; to woman he is engaged and married.

Woman becomes his friend; through woman, the future generations come.
When his woman dies, he seeks another woman; to woman he is bound.
So why call her inferior? From her, kings are born.
From woman, woman is born; without woman, there would be no one at all.

another epiphany in the shower

I seem to have all my life realisations in the morning when I am shampooing my hair.

I wonder if its because I am cleansing, that my mind seems to clear itself of the cobwebs and somehow the sun shines into the brain and presents answers to all the shadowy questions lurking in the corners of my mind...

Or is it that I have had a good nights sleep and can actually think clearly in the morning and by the time I am in the shower, the mind has had that shot of caffeine,  I am alert.

All I know is that I see clearly in the morning and when I think about the problems that seemed impossible the night before, somehow it seems to have solved itself....its no wonder the oldies used to say that everything will look better in the bloody really does.

I have been struggling with juggling work, spending time with loved ones and trying to have a life.  I have been trying to cook up a storm each weekend to feed my baby but I know he doesn't want me to get exhausted for him yet I feel guilty if I didn't!

This guilt is something we place on ourselves because someone, somewhere in our past thought we weren't good enough so we end up going the extra mile to please everyone........but no one wanted to be pleased in the first place.

well that was my epiphany.....I was trying to do too much for everyone else without asking them if they really wanted it....

Its amazing what  a good nights sleep and a good shampoo can do!

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

greed vs need vs over eating

Every year around Chinese New Year, I get invited to hotels for thank you dinners and lunches.  The hotels like to coincide it with Chinese New Year so that they can also welcome the new year with us.

We do a Lo Hei dinner or lunch, where we toss the salad while asking for a good year ahead ( check with Wiki HERE on the meaning of Lo Hei )

With my gluten intolerance I struggle with accepting the invitations, as all Chinese food contains some soya which contains gluten and leaves me struggling after each meal.  This year I missed a couple of dinners as I had taken time off to be with family  but I had to attend our office Lo Hei twice, one with the management team that did not bother to listen to my protests on my dietary restrictions and again on Monday at a hotel restaurant which offered a buffet lunch.
This is where you learn things about your colleagues.  I learnt that several of them were greedy and took more food than they needed and left untouched portions of chicken, vegetables, prawns and several  other bits of food.  You lose respect for people that waste food....


Gluten Free menu - 7 dishes 
That same night I had a dinner invitation at one of the larger convention hotels which had said they would organise a gluten free meal for me.  I was interested to see how they pulled it off, as one earlier dinner a few weeks ago promised but never delivered the gluten free meal.

the other menu - 8 courses
 I got one less dish than the other diners on the table, and they gave me a green salad to eat with chopsticks.  I would have preferred the scallops...............
the green salad 

All in, it wasn't a bad effort on the part of the hosts but it could have been better......... maybe I should offer my services as a gluten free meal adviser?

poached chicken....was tasty!
I know, beggars cant be choosers but as a world class destination for meetings and exhibitions we definitely need world class cuisine for any dietary restrictions.  I was thrilled though that I got to eat with my colleagues and enjoy the night and not worry about having to suffer the consequences.

fish with coriander sauce
Singapore is a gourmands playground, we have all sorts of food that
Not a gluten free option.....pity
cater to all sorts of budgets.  Michelin starred chefs to the humble hawkers.  You could eat in a different restaurant or a different hawker place for a month and not repeat the same location.  Too much food........which begs the question do we really need so much......

Monday, 23 February 2015

pay to watch the Ocsars?

I love watching the Oscars on TV

In Singapore we used to get it on our free to air channels but the last few years the Ocsars were shown on one of the Cable channels.  First it was on the Star network on a channel everyone subscribed to, then it was on the Star (now Fox) movie channel.  It frustrated me that I couldnt watch the Ocsars so last year I subscribed to the Fox movies pack just to watch the Oscars.

This year they bloody changed it again.  I know they sell the rights to different channels, and I know its not the cable operators (in Singapore) fault, who gets the rights.  I am pissed that our free to air channels (which is  paid for by our very rich government) dont bother to get the rights to air something like this.

Its on HBO this year and I am not going to subscribe to HBO just to watch the Oscars like I did last year.  I will just wait for the news and E online to update us and then find out who won what.
Even  though HBO does have some good shows on ( not the movies) like Game of Thrones, I wont subscribe to it as in Singapore the censorship is quite brutal and you lose half the plot as they wont show nudity, sex and gay themes on TV.

So I sit in the office, typing out my annoyance and have E online in the background on my laptop, waiting to see who will win. Just to feed my voyeuristic habit  in a celebrity obsessed culture.

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

restaurant feedback.....PS Cafe

I love cafes and eating out in places that give out that lazy ambient vibe.
I never fancied myself as a reviewer of restaurants as food is subject to personal tastes.  One mans meat etc.....but this time I just had to say something

I took my sister and her partner to a branch of my favourite cafe for lunch and expected to have a fuss free lazy afternoon.
We arrived on time and as expected we  had to wait to be seated. i dont mind waiting but i do mind the lack of communication and  the lack of a smile, I think smiles are too expensive in this place,  They  made us wait with no greeting, not even a  "I'll be with you in a minute".  we were ignored as they walked and stood chatting in front of us to set up a new digital interactive customer thingy.

good food....but water glasses were always empty
It was tedious trying to catch the eye of any waiter to get our orders once we were seated and even more difficult to communicate with one of the waiters that wore a badge stating he only spoke Mandarin. He was however  one of the more attentive waiters around.   I live in Singapore, its a multi racial country and we pride ourselves on having everyone speak some English. even if its broken English.  Yes service staff is hard to find as Singaporeans cannot afford to live in this country and work as service staff on the low wages wait staff earn.  Businesses depend on cheap foreign labour to work as wait staff, and there are plenty of young people from China here doing just that. What I hate is that they will not communicate in English but expect everyone in Singapore to speak Mandarin! OK rant over and back to the main issue here.......

The restaurant was not full,we were just made to feel like we were an encumbrance and the staff wished we were somewhere else and not sitting in the restaurant trying to have a relaxed meal ..

 Its one of my favourite chain of restaurants in Singapore and I frequent the one at Palais Renaissance alot.....the one at Dempsey, Harding Road is a beautiful place in a perfect setting for lazy afternoon lunches, food is good  but the service staff are pretentious and  obviously not interested at all in serving anyone.

It pains me that common courtesy and a simple smile was totally not forthcoming. While I sympathise with the wait staff as some customers are very difficult, I still think that if you take a job serving people you should be service orientated.

So while I may still go to the cafe at Palais Renaissance, I hesitate to head out to Harding road to be treated like something the cat dragged in.

Monday, 9 February 2015

things we do for our children..

Son no 2 still stays with me rent free and people I talk to are divided on whether he should or should not pay rent to his mother.

He earns a fairly good income, he doesn't contribute any money to grocery bills, or electricity or the cable bill or anything.

I wash his clothes and do the cooking and grocery shopping and clean the home. there are no expectations on his part for me to clean his room, but I sometimes the smells coming from his room can be quite strange.....and when I run out of spoons and forks and cereal bowls I have to venture into the dark abyss that is his room to rescue said cutlery and bowls and sometimes tupperware.

furry sandwich anyone?
After finding this tupperware with a sandwich that probably could have walked away, in his room, I am now determined to charge rent and a hazard fee........

I do know I am not doing him any favours by not giving him some responsibility for the home we share.
Perhaps that should have been one of my resolutions this year.....charge and collect rent from son.

too late to add on a resolution?

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Resolution failure

I have failed miserably in keeping any of the resolutions and its only February.

Admitting failure early is better than stressing myself out trying to keep the resolutions.
They weren't that hard to begin with, extremely doable I thought....I obviously thought wrong

I wanted to write more, blog more.  That hasn't happened, not that I didnt have thoughts/ideas/screaming necessity to blog, I just didn't have the time.  During the day I am at work and fairly busy and one shouldn't be blogging while at work( its lunchtime now so don't judge me) and by the time I get home, I am brain dead.

Take time off to take pictures - I haven't taken any time off yet but I will sister is here from London to celebrate her 50th birthday  so I will be taking some  time off to hang out with family and hopefully take some pictures too.

the last resolution I made was to be as honest as I can be.....definitely failed there.....but I am working on it so its not a hopeless case... yet.

There is alot I want to say, plenty of words floating through my brain all day and night. I just have to make the time to sit down and hammer away at the keyboard so that the thoughts that are all jumbled up in my head appear magically as a respectable want to read post.

Friday, 2 January 2015

another year gone

Its that time of year again, to lament on the passing of yet another year gone, so quickly that it left my head spinning.
I didn't make resolutions for 2014.  I figured, resolutions never got fulfilled anyway so just start 2014 fresh.  so this post is a reflections post rather than, did I fulfil my resolutions post.

I started a new job
where I learnt how to dodge bullets and stand up for what I thought was right. I am proud of this achievement.  I have always had and still have a very black or white stance on doing the right thing,  there is no place for grey here.  I stood up and defended my beliefs and I was surprised when people backed off when I did that. Its not easy and I know I will have battles in the future but knowing that I can stand up and speak and have people take a step back, knowing that I am no pushover, is a good feeling.

I blogged less
I blame the job, as I now have less time to blog and my best time when my head is full of words is in the morning when I have to be at work and have to rush headlong into the 'joys' of holding dual responsibilities in the office.  I also have been censoring myself as there were alot of things I couldn't say.

Heart vs Head
I had epic battles inside myself.  Go with the logical choice of the head or let my heart heart won in the end.  Here is one instance where I have had to censor myself as I had to (and still have to) speak to those involved before I posted anything.....obviously I haven't been as honest as I should be.

sometimes isn't as great as its made out to be.

Its been a hard year for me, as I have tried to figure alot of things out.  I lost respect for some people, People that I trusted and thought were good human beings. I found some really good people to include in my life.  I realised that I couldn't save the world but I knew that I could still look myself in the mirror and smile. I learnt to trust my instincts and stand up for what I believe in.  I learnt how to use my new camera (and am still learning), which has been one of my greatest joys in 2014.
I learnt how to let go and not always be in control and it is a good thing.

So do I have a resolution for 2015?
Yeah I do....

Blog more
Take more time off to take pictures
And be as honest as I can be.....

endless possibilities in 2015 and I welcome it with open arms

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

the spirit of christmas

I am not Christian but I tend to get into the spirit of Christmas each year.

As a non believer of religion and perhaps even God, there is nothing in the calendar year that makes me want to spend time with family or actually have any goodwill feeling towards my fellow man.

 Throw a few lights on a gaudily decorated tree, blast some Christmas songs in the decorated malls and I become a totally different person. I embrace the consumerism of Christmas to the point that I am eagerly shopping for interesting gifts for colleagues that I actually feel goodwill towards.

My family tend to get together on Christmas eve to have a couple of drinks (lots of drinks actually) at the Club but this year Mum isnt too well so we wont be going.  We will however be having dinner at Mums on the 25th.  My older sis likes to do the turkey and all the trimmings, she spent 15 years in Hawaii doing Thanksgiving then Christmas and cant seem to stop herself from celebrating the Christian holiday and as her turkey is really good, we don't mind!

But its not just about eating and being merry, it is time to reflect on what we have and being thankful and thinking of others that  don't have as much.

So to Christians and all non Christians I say Merry Christmas and love and peace to all.  Can we please just forget for one day that there is so much hate and anger out there all for the wrong reasons...

Sunday, 21 December 2014

the voyeur in me

Online dictionary definition of Voyeur -

1.  A person who obtains sexual gratification by looking at sexual objects or acts, secretively
2.  a person who derives exaggerated or unseemly enjoyment from being an observer.

So I guess I get unseemly enjoyment observing others... secretively.
People watching, taking photos and perhaps watching porn could all be voyeurism.  Introverts like me I guess are labelled weird anyway so voyeur is just another noun (it is a noun right) to describe me.

I recently went to the Botanic gardens again to take pictures as I am learning more about my camera each time I go out, and am enjoying it immensely.
This time my compositions were voyeuristic.  It started with a statue of a mother & child and somehow the pictures through the bushes were so much more interesting....
Then at my favourite pagoda, I was happily taking pictures when a young couple came along and spoilt my enjoyment.

 Lots of young couples come to the gardens to take pictures for their wedding albums.....
The one below is from one of my earlier forays in the Botanic Gardens, a Russian couple with a selfie stick

I am sure there is some etiquette or rule when taking pictures  of people you dont know.. but in a public place it would be considered fair game if you strolled into the path of my camera....and the voyeur in me just absolutely finds it hard to resist...........