Someone to come home to

I have, for the last decade, been searching for someone.  Someone to love me, someone to want me, someone to be with.

I found A, who didn’t want a relationship but was happy to “see” me once in a while

I found P who only wanted companionship.

I  hung around A making puppy eyes at him hoping he will one day look at me and realise I was the one he was waiting for all his life……yes I am delusional…

As for P,  we hung out, we went for movies, walks, dinners, plays, concerts… and it was real fun, he became like my best friend.. then he moved to Monaco..

So I now find myself wondering where to go

I am still seeing A occasionally and we text a few times on and off and there are days when I am tempted to tell him to go fuck himself and leave me alone but then there are days I think maybe even a little bit of him is good enough.

I miss P, we talked and spent time quite a bit of time together,
I somehow seem to have fallen for two men,  both giving me different things and both of whom don’t want a relationship with me..

what are the odds eh.. I know for sure there has to be something wrong with me that I look for  men that are equally broken as I am, men who wont commit, men who dont want to be that someone I come home to..