Wednesday, 10 May 2017

a trying time

Things have been rather hectic lately

The last 6 weeks or so have had me heading to the hospital twice because of mum.  Mum's been diagnosed with TIA which are like tiny strokes in the brain to warn her that her vessels in the brain are narrowing to a dangerous level.  its been a continuous cycle of getting her blood pressure stable enough and for her to stay calm should she have an episode.

She's been feeling vulnerable and afraid and it has  put a stop to her going out.  Its like overnight she's become frail and old..  I know she's old, she will be 80 in September but this seems to have come upon her all of a sudden.

My sister and I have been trying to spend more time with her, as she gets lonely and wants company, but we have jobs,  we don't, like most Singaporeans, have domestic help, which means we also have homes to clean, laundry and cooking to do, and sometimes its just nice to be able to sit back and relax to do our own things..  So we have been running around for mum and then a few days ago I had a scare with son no 2.

He collapsed at home and I had to call an ambulance to take him to the emergency room.  Its all good now but he was in hospital for 2 nights where they diagnosed him with excessive diarrhoea which led to dehydration, which led to him collapsing. it was scary shit finding him sprawled out on the kitchen floor, hardly coherent then watching him collapse again and again...

When my children were babies, I would watch them like a hawk especially when they slept, I would sit close to their cots watching them sleep, to make sure they were breathing.. and now I just want to sit by his bed and make sure he is still breathing....but that would be rather creepy..

I know the son is an adult and should be able to take care of himself, it all started with an abscess on his tonsils, heavy dose of antibiotics, and him not resting and eating properly after the infection cleared.  I feel like I have failed as a parent as he obviously cant look after himself, aren't we as parents supposed to prepare them for adulthood, make them responsible!  He has seemed to have taken this as a warning and I hope he does not lapse into bad habits of not eating proper meals and drinking enough water.

But there is still mum to deal with, she's always been needy and the TIA has brought her neediness to a whole new level.  I am drained and tired and at work I seem to have more piled onto me which I neither want nor signed up for.. its been a trying time...

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