Thursday, 31 March 2016

sweet whisperings

So while I have told A we cant continue our "non relationship" we were still in contact via text, which was a bad idea.

A's modus operandi is to allow me to fester in silence while I contemplate life without him. Then he will send me little messages once in a while, keeping me on my toes, allowing my heart to skip a beat when I see "new message from A" on my phone.
Then he will say sweet things, but what he ultimately wants to know is, if I am going out looking for a new man.  My mistake is that I reply when he texts and I let him know that I wanted a relationship with him and not some other man.  He knows then that I am still pining for him.  That keeps him happy for a while and after that he will keep sending me messages reflecting on how good it was..... which inevitably ends with me telling him lets try again and I can separate feelings from what we do just so that I can have that one little piece of him. He is a master manipulator even if he says he isn't.

This has been going on since 2011, and I believed I had cured myself of him by the time I met P in 2013,  but the cure was ineffective.  I had not seen A in a year but I let him back in with texts and his sweet whisperings.

So today after a week of texts, I told A to delete my number as I will be deleting his, delete everything about me, as I cannot be friends with him, I cannot talk to him without wanting him.

sounds like me....

Choc stage done......lots of choc

I should have done it when I said no more, but deep inside, some stupid part of me thinks I can be friends with him without wanting him.... I need a kick up the backside.

I think being in my dark place is because of him,
5 stages of grief.... am I in the acceptance stage now I wonder...

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