the dark place

Its been tough these past weeks.  I seem to have crawled back into my dark place.

I am extremely good at hiding my feelings and hiding what is exactly going on inside my head.  I bottle it all up and let it fester inside me let the small things engulf me.

I worry about money, retirement, work, and of course if I will be alone for the rest of my life. I worry that the kitchen needs redoing and I dont want to spend all the money doing it....
I worry that I have a tenant moving into the spare room, son no 2's friend needs a room for 4 months, and I havent cleared out the room, there are old stand speakers that are spoilt and an old TV.... I have told the son that we need to throw some stuff out  but I dont know if he understands that I want the stuff moved out NOW as his friend moves in on the 1st of April.

Some of the worry is work as they want me to take on extra duties but not pay me enough to actually want to take anything on.... and I worry that when I dont take on the extra duties, I will still end up doing the work anyway...

Most of the worry is unnecessary, some of it is all in my head, as I stress about every small thing, but I cant seem to shake off the feeling of doom.  I feel like I am unravelling emotionally and I am eating till I feel quite sick and the extra pounds are piling up.

I am not in a good place, I am in my dark place.....