I am a slow learner

I  finally am rid of A.  That was a long time coming. 

I have written about A for so long, always saying finally its done, then going back to him. My last post on ending it was September 2018... and yes I went back to him...
But I think I need to kick myself a few times in the head just to make sure I dont go back to the sorry situation I was in.

It has been a vicious cycle of anger, pain, joy, euphoria and then pain and tears all over again.  I made compromises because he ticked boxes in me I liked, I hid behind his not wanting a relationship so I didn’t have to go out and make an effort to find someone who actually did. 

Its been 10 years of on and off (mostly off he says) and I chased a few good men away because A would tell me he maybe one day would want a relationship, usually when he realized I was serious about letting him go to find someone more emotionally available.  

So I ended up just hanging around A,  hoping and wishing and as Jack Johnson says in his song Sitting, waiting, wishing… loving somebody don’t make them love you…..

No I cant always be waiting, waiting on you

I cant always be playing, playing your fool

I am tired and fed up and  I am sure anyone who has read my blog is also tired and fed up of listening to me go on about A.  They must be thinking what is wrong with this woman, is she really that clueless....

I need to move on, its time for me to learn to be open, let someone in, go back on Tinder, be more social.. sitting at home isn’t going to let me meet anyone..

I need to learn to flirt again.  Learn to love again.