Sunday, 17 September 2017

healing the broken

There has to be something fundamentally wrong with someone who keeps fucking up their own life.

I took on a new job at the end of 2015, I went back to a company I worked for from 2001 till 2010.  They approached me and asked me to go back and I did, with a pay cut and to work a 4 day week.

The saying that one can never go back is true, I had changed but the company hadn't, and I found that people I trusted didn’t have my back.  The 4 day week wasn’t working and the numerous whats app groups and messages on Sundays were not something I wanted.  It was stressing me out. So I quit.

Yes, I do things on impulse without thinking of another means of employment, because I reach a point of no return, and just do.  Not an ideal situation but I just can't help myself.

I was reaching the stage where I seriously thought that I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  Being told repeatedly that I needed to take on more work to prove to ‘people’ that I was actually doing something and that maybe I might be thought of as redundant.  That ‘people’ kept asking what it was that I did in the office. 
Did no one know what I did, and for me it was, how could they not know…

Take on more duties and responsibilities….
I wasn’t paid to do that, nor was I offered more money or an alternative position.  I already was working on Fridays and coming back to the office when they needed me,  I was made to feel like I contributed nothing to the team, and all this came from a good friend and colleague who thought she was doing me a favour and being honest with me. How could she not speak up for me, or even think that I could be redundant?

I felt betrayed by a trusted colleague and friend. 

So I am without a job at 55 and close to a nervous breakdown.  Not an ideal situation but I am resilient and know that I will be ok, I just need time to heal the broken me.



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