It’s the simple things

I usually do not believe in presents for Mother day or valentines day or even birthdays.

I don’t think there should be one day to value the person who gave birth to you, or loves you.

However, sometimes some people need a small push in the right direction of showing appreciation to the woman that carried you and squeezed you out of her body.

So about a week before mothers day ( when I was ordering my mother some flowers) I sent son no 2 a link to a florist, if he was so inclined to get me flowers…

the lovely flowers I got

He did get me flowers, a lovely bouquet, there were lilies though, I hate lilies, but I was thrilled to bits that he actually took the hint.. and he made a reservation at a gluten free restaurant for brunch and included my sisters in his invite.

What a sweet boy…..

However those things don’t matter, what  thrilled me even more and warmed all corners of my heart  and toes was when he used the lactose free milk in the fridge (I am lactose intolerant)  and realised there was a little left in the packet, he actually got one more from the cupboard and put it in the fridge (I hate warm milk in my cereal)

He even has been washing his dishes…

It’s the small things, it’s the simple things that matter..

its about dignity

I have spent the recent months visiting various hospitals in Singapore, first with my aunt, then mum then the son.

While the son had insurance and could have gotten a room to himself, the hospital was full so he ended up in the general ward with lots of other people about.   Lots of elderly people.

It made me think seriously about when I get old. 

I watched the old men in the ward being fed, bathed, diapered and medicated, all by strangers.  The care was good but it was perfunctory.  The nurses were absolutely wonderful with the old men, they were gentle and kind but I wonder about the helplessness of it all.

It makes you think…

I dont want to be a burden to my family, as it will take time and effort to care for an elderly family member.   I don’t want to end up in a care facility or home  where I am ‘looked after’ by someone else. I don’t mind if I was able bodied and lived in a nursing home but  I do not want someone to bathe me or feed me or put me in diapers.  I may change my mind when I get to be elderly, I may be quite happy to be fed, bathed, be treated like an object that needs care.

  I really wish we could, like the movie Logans Run, know that we will be terminated at a certain age… not as early as 30 in the movie but say 75 and that’s it, and have the option, to be offed earlier if we get terminally sick. 

Yes I know there are legitimate ethical questions to ask here but seriously wouldn’t that help with astronomical health care bills and insurance premiums?

The hospitals, doctors,  Pharmaceutical and Insurance companies will of course cry foul, as they are the ones benefiting right now. 

Just think,  all of us know when we are to be terminated, so we live our lives accordingly.  We make sure we go through that bucket list and plan everything to end at 75.  No surprises, unless one is ill and is terminated earlier…

That way I know whats coming (yes I am a control freak) and I wont have to be dependent on someone helping me to wipe my arse, bathe me, feed me and in turn I don’t become a burden to my family as being a care giver is one of the toughest things to do, the guilt of not doing enough or the strain of doing too much.

But most of all it will allow me some control of my own destiny and perhaps dying with dignity.

a trying time

Things have been rather hectic lately

The last 6 weeks or so have had me heading to the hospital twice because of mum.  Mum's been diagnosed with TIA which are like tiny strokes in the brain to warn her that her vessels in the brain are narrowing to a dangerous level.  its been a continuous cycle of getting her blood pressure stable enough and for her to stay calm should she have an episode.

She's been feeling vulnerable and afraid and it has  put a stop to her going out.  Its like overnight she's become frail and old..  I know she's old, she will be 80 in September but this seems to have come upon her all of a sudden.

My sister and I have been trying to spend more time with her, as she gets lonely and wants company, but we have jobs,  we don't, like most Singaporeans, have domestic help, which means we also have homes to clean, laundry and cooking to do, and sometimes its just nice to be able to sit back and relax to do our own things..  So we have been running around for mum and then a few days ago I had a scare with son no 2.

He collapsed at home and I had to call an ambulance to take him to the emergency room.  Its all good now but he was in hospital for 2 nights where they diagnosed him with excessive diarrhoea which led to dehydration, which led to him collapsing. it was scary shit finding him sprawled out on the kitchen floor, hardly coherent then watching him collapse again and again...

When my children were babies, I would watch them like a hawk especially when they slept, I would sit close to their cots watching them sleep, to make sure they were breathing.. and now I just want to sit by his bed and make sure he is still breathing....but that would be rather creepy..

I know the son is an adult and should be able to take care of himself, it all started with an abscess on his tonsils, heavy dose of antibiotics, and him not resting and eating properly after the infection cleared.  I feel like I have failed as a parent as he obviously cant look after himself, aren't we as parents supposed to prepare them for adulthood, make them responsible!  He has seemed to have taken this as a warning and I hope he does not lapse into bad habits of not eating proper meals and drinking enough water.

But there is still mum to deal with, she's always been needy and the TIA has brought her neediness to a whole new level.  I am drained and tired and at work I seem to have more piled onto me which I neither want nor signed up for.. its been a trying time...