I realise that I make myself busy to avoid the loneliness that creeps in when i have nothing to do. Sure I could go take pictures, which I enjoy doing on my own or even go to the movies, but i seem to have found myself in a rut. the rut of just staying home and avoiding doing anything except cooking and cleaning.
I reduced my working hours from a five day week to four, so that I could take time to go out and take pictures and go for that early movie when no one else is about, or just to walk about and see things, but somehow that hasn't worked out. I crept back into old habits and allowed myself to hide away avoiding reality. Maybe it was easier to just stay home to avoid the crowds of people, happy couples holding hands and families enjoying their time together.
I am lonely, but I don't know how to change that. I have friends and family but it doesn't seem to be enough any more. I guess I have to get used to it, as there is no energy left in me to go out and start looking for that special someone. This is when I think that the movie Logan's Run may have had some merit and that perhaps we should kill off people ( but not at age 30 like in the movie) but once they turn 65. Perhaps a choice, those that have nothing can opt to be "retired"permanently.
What do we have once we get old, with no one to share moments with, no one to chat with, no one to be with. Just loneliness
to quote the black keys from their song "too afraid to love u"
"I wish loneliness would leave me
But I think its here to stay"