By some cruel twist of fate I now work 2 bus stops away from P's office.
Why cruel you ask....
A few weeks ago, we met for lunch at a restaurant (the Refinery) across the road from his office. I had not seen him since we shared a a quick tea at Kings cross station on Christmas Eve. He spent a long holiday away at home and then getting to know his new girl friend.
While having lunch I realised I had lost my friend. I realised I had lost the man that had been sweet, gentle, caring and decent, the man who made plans to see me as soon as he was back from any trip, the man who actually had wanted a relationship.
No man waits for ever. No woman should either.
I naively expected P to be the 'friend' I could hang out with while I still pined away for A.
Deep down of course I knew it was a damn stupid thing to hope for, that things would not change, but they do. I didn't want to hear about the wonderful time he had with her, or how his relationship was going. He's a great guy and any woman would be stupid ( me) to let him go. But regret is a silly thing, not something to dwell on. Would P and I have had a good relationship, I don't know. We do sugar coat the good bits and forget the unsettling moments.
Or maybe at my age, I am too fussy or have no clue what I want...
I know I was selfish in that I wanted him to be there for me, to do all the things we had been doing over the last two years. Selfish in that I liked that he wanted to be with me, to do things. With this new woman in his life, that want would have waned considerably and I dont think I could have handled that. So I told him, perhaps it would be best if we didn't meet up anymore.
I didn't want to listen to how great things were for him. I am a horrible friend.
Why does it have to be so complicated.......