My mother calls me almost everyday, just for a quick chat.
Recently Dads death anniversary had come around and she was feeling reflective and depressed and lonely.She missed Dad, even though he sometimes was a shit head, he was her shithead and they would have been doing things together. "Find someone" she told me.
That night I watched re runs of Wallander, and in that particular episode, the main character's father tells him "Find someone to sit with you"
Its getting harder to delude myself into thinking that I can just be alone, I know that I want a companion, friend and lover, I don't want a person forever constantly at my heels but someone who has his own life and we occasionally spend holidays or do things together... Someone willing to let me into his life and actually want to give me some of his time and someone who would let me be independent and have my own time.
So those words were a kind of wake up call.....because I want someone to be with me, I want to find someone I can have that slightly strange relationship with ..............someone who wants to sit with me.........