letting go and moving on

so my emotional and dating life kind of took a weird turn a few weeks ago with me  actually believing  that I could carry on and have sex with A and date other men. and no I didn't go and have sex with A.
What an idiot!

I realised I couldn't do that,  because I wanted a full on relationship with one man, one man to love and one man to do things with.  I wanted that man to be one man.  you cant separate the two.  It doesnt work that way.  There has been some back and forth with A these past few weeks, He wants it to be simple and uncomplicated without the restraints of a relationship aka  friends with benefits,  and I want a full on relationship.  He doesn't want a  girlfriend (and he used the line "its not you, its me") and I want a boyfriend.  Can we call each other that?  boyfriend and girlfriend at our age..... anyway

So I have to stop deluding myself and move on.  I have to cut him out of my life completely and accept that being friends with him is just not possible, no matter how much I want him in my life. Its time to let go.

Dating Ice Cream man, lets call him P ( we have had 6 dates so far) has been an eye opener.  This man calls, texts, makes plans with me and talks about doing things with me.  This is what a secure, well balanced man is like!!  who knew they existed!! P wants to take it to a different level, moving it up a notch and not just chaste dates and chaste kisses on the cheeks as a greeting, which is how things should naturally progress.  I held back with P as I thought A would compromise and actually make a commitment (yes I know I am a fool) but as I have ended things (finally) with A, I am free to date, touch, kiss, make love to any man I want now without feeling like I was cheating on A.

The future without A (there never actually was a future with him was there?) doesnt seem so bleak, I know now that there are men that can make me a priority in their lives.  Even if things do not progress with P,  I know that there are normal decent well balanced men out there.

bring on 2014, a new beginning........