so my emotional and dating life kind of took a weird turn a few weeks ago with me actually believing that I could carry on and have sex with A and date other men. and no I didn't go and have sex with A.
What an idiot!
I realised I couldn't do that, because I wanted a full on relationship with one man, one man to love and one man to do things with. I wanted that man to be one man. you cant separate the two. It doesnt work that way. There has been some back and forth with A these past few weeks, He wants it to be simple and uncomplicated without the restraints of a relationship aka friends with benefits, and I want a full on relationship. He doesn't want a girlfriend (and he used the line "its not you, its me") and I want a boyfriend. Can we call each other that? boyfriend and girlfriend at our age..... anyway
So I have to stop deluding myself and move on. I have to cut him out of my life completely and accept that being friends with him is just not possible, no matter how much I want him in my life. Its time to let go.
Dating Ice Cream man, lets call him P ( we have had 6 dates so far) has been an eye opener. This man calls, texts, makes plans with me and talks about doing things with me. This is what a secure, well balanced man is like!! who knew they existed!! P wants to take it to a different level, moving it up a notch and not just chaste dates and chaste kisses on the cheeks as a greeting, which is how things should naturally progress. I held back with P as I thought A would compromise and actually make a commitment (yes I know I am a fool) but as I have ended things (finally) with A, I am free to date, touch, kiss, make love to any man I want now without feeling like I was cheating on A.
The future without A (there never actually was a future with him was there?) doesnt seem so bleak, I know now that there are men that can make me a priority in their lives. Even if things do not progress with P, I know that there are normal decent well balanced men out there.
bring on 2014, a new beginning........