where did the year go......

2013 seemed to go by in a flash.
This was supposed to be my navel gazing year.  My year to see if I liked who I had become, my year to change some things that were not working.
 I set myself some realistic resolutions last year (after all I am wiser right??) and lo and behold I seem to have pulled it off!  I have achieved some of the things I set out to do.

my goals for 2012 were

Resolution no 1
I am going to speak up more and tell people what I like and what I want.  I tend to shut up and let things flow even if I don't like it 
And I did.  I stood firm and made a stand on a few issues, what I wanted from a relationship (although not resolved, I am more vocal in asking for what I want) and the other was to say it was not OK how people treated those that I love.

Resolution no 2
I will go out with all the men that ask me.  Errrr perhaps I may not go out with all but the majority of men that ask me.
And I did! I dated and met new people and while not all were good dates, I did find that good decent men do exist.

Resolution no 3
I will travel in 2013.
I may not have travelled to all the places I wanted but I did spend 6 weeks in the UK which included  rediscovering my favourite city London,  and 5 weeks in NZ, where I found  that running a motel could be hard but rewarding work and definitely on the list as my retirement plan.

Resolution no 4
I will be a better manager in the office.  I have been neglecting Corporate Goddess for awhile now.  She needs to step up her game!
Epic Fail!   Corporate Goddess has left the building, she quit, she has new priorities.  I start a new job on the 6th of Jan, but I am no longer in pursuit of money and am quite happy to sit on the low rungs of the ladder.  My job is a necessity to pay bills.  I am now comfortable with knowing that and have accepted that I am not ever going to be a high achieving corporate goddess.

I have learnt a few painful lessons this year.  Love sometimes isn't enough for someone to want to make a commitment. (admitting love isn't easy to some people either).  Family aren't always what they seem. Most of all I have learnt that I should trust my instincts.  That nagging voice at the back of my mind actually knows what its saying and ignoring it has pushed me into bad situations.  It was that voice that propelled me into the world of blogging and I thank Simone (the voice) for that.  Its cheaper than therapy!

So I wait for 2014 with open arms.......

letting go and moving on

so my emotional and dating life kind of took a weird turn a few weeks ago with me  actually believing  that I could carry on and have sex with A and date other men. and no I didn't go and have sex with A.
What an idiot!

I realised I couldn't do that,  because I wanted a full on relationship with one man, one man to love and one man to do things with.  I wanted that man to be one man.  you cant separate the two.  It doesnt work that way.  There has been some back and forth with A these past few weeks, He wants it to be simple and uncomplicated without the restraints of a relationship aka  friends with benefits,  and I want a full on relationship.  He doesn't want a  girlfriend (and he used the line "its not you, its me") and I want a boyfriend.  Can we call each other that?  boyfriend and girlfriend at our age..... anyway

So I have to stop deluding myself and move on.  I have to cut him out of my life completely and accept that being friends with him is just not possible, no matter how much I want him in my life. Its time to let go.

Dating Ice Cream man, lets call him P ( we have had 6 dates so far) has been an eye opener.  This man calls, texts, makes plans with me and talks about doing things with me.  This is what a secure, well balanced man is like!!  who knew they existed!! P wants to take it to a different level, moving it up a notch and not just chaste dates and chaste kisses on the cheeks as a greeting, which is how things should naturally progress.  I held back with P as I thought A would compromise and actually make a commitment (yes I know I am a fool) but as I have ended things (finally) with A, I am free to date, touch, kiss, make love to any man I want now without feeling like I was cheating on A.

The future without A (there never actually was a future with him was there?) doesnt seem so bleak, I know now that there are men that can make me a priority in their lives.  Even if things do not progress with P,  I know that there are normal decent well balanced men out there.

bring on 2014, a new beginning........

Its about Race, its about looking past the Race......

I considered very carefully before I started this post, whether I wanted to write about it or not.  I have,  in older posts, written about race and what it is like being a minority in my own country.
I also questioned whether I take it too seriously.  Am I becoming more aware or am I becoming too sensitive to the little barbs about race.  One friend commented about one of my posts regarding sexual abuse "your kind of people do it"  Wake up people, its not a race thing.  there are bad hats everywhere,  that sort of thing happens regardless of race.  But I digress.......

Last Sunday we had riots.  That hasn't happened in Singapore since 1969.  So its been awhile.  A whole generation grew up thinking that riots and strikes happened everywhere else but here.  (A year or so ago we had a strike see older post )

We import our labour, all the construction workers, cleaners, lowly paid jobs are taken up by a majority of foreign labour.  We have people from Bangladesh, India, Pakistan, Myanmar, Thailand, China and Vietnam who labour hard to build and maintain our roads, buildings and estates.  They work 6 days a week and have Sundays off to rest. They congregate in little enclaves around Singapore to rest, relax and just hang out with friends.  Food and alcohol make up a big part of their Sunday get togethers.  when you put tired, lonely frustrated men together with alcohol, you will invariably  get trouble.  What happened last Sunday occurred  in Little India where the majority of the Indian workers get together.  Read reports here on the whole incident.  An unfortunate accident which resulted in the tragic death of an individual was the spark that started a riot.

It is not the race of the person that matters, it is not the Race or the caste ( as one comment suggested) of the individuals who rioted that matters.  It is however the fact that they took an opportunity to react in a violent manner that we need to address.  We need to ask why, and how we can prevent it from happening again.  As it is we house them in dorms, some are crowded, dirty and I am sure a violation to human rights, and they work extremely hard, yet we treat them like sub humans. Some of the dorms remind me of concentration camps.  There have been more cases of the workers being abused by their Singaporean bosses, then the other way around.

 I am not shocked by the fact that the riots happened, I am  shocked at the way my fellow citizens have reacted.  Online vitriol has escalated and on every blog post comments  you can read about hatred and racism towards the Indian nationals,  that I cringe to admit that I am Singaporean.  There are plenty of Singaporeans that have reacted positively but it is the bad apples in the bunch that give everybody a bad name, whether you are a foreign worker here or a citizen.
I would like to remind my fellow Singaporeans about our pledge that we grew up reciting.

The National Pledge

We, the Citizens of Singapore
Pledge ourselves as one united people
regardless of race, language or religion
to build a democratic society based on justice and equality
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation

Can we not see that this pledge should be incorporated into our thinking when we deal with all that imported labour that has helped build our nation?  Can we not see that we should remember this pledge when we interact with our fellow citizens?

the unmade bed

I never saw the point of having to make my bed every morning, to fold the blankets and put them under our pillows (in the 70's we didn't really use air-conditioning and only had a ceiling fan whirring away at night so blankets were thin sheets that had to be folded up and tucked out of sight after use)  and cover our beds with beautifully embroidered bed spreads.

through the looking glass

Mum made us do that.  Every bloody morning.  I never saw the point of making my bed,  then messing it up again each night.  it was a futile exercise.  Once I got divorced (ex mother in law insisted on made beds too)  I stopped making my bed and have never yelled/cajoled or nagged the boys about their unmade beds. I don't mind crumpled sheets and covers, it makes it all so inviting in a way.  a made bed looks too pristine to mess up, it looks uncomfortable!  Comfort to me is messy and things I can cuddle.  It looks sensual and slovenly in a way.

the embroidery

Then I went and got this lovely white bed set, all pretty and white and

attempt at a made bed

embroidered with tiny blue flowers...... now,  I am not a girly girl but this lot of sheets and covers made me make my bed.  It somehow looked odd while messed up.........


I still dont make the bed everyday but when the white sheets are on, the bed gets made........
another lesson on never say never...........