Perceptions

You are not what you think you are

You are not what others think you are

You are what you think others think you are

Its all about Perception isnt it, who we think we are and who everyone thinks we are... or is it about how much we reveal to people?  I think this damn quote is a mind fuck.

I met with an ex colleague recently and we were talking general stuff and she said something about how genuine she was in everything she did.  It made me think... Its not that I didnt think she was genuine as a person but I have known her to be dismissive of people that didnt fit into her agenda.  

I began to wonder if people saw me differently as well.  I always thought I was fair, honest and straight up.  would that interpret as me being rude and obnoxious?  would my friends roll their eyes at me if I did say I was honest and straight up and fair?  I never thought about it really. until that day talking to my friend.  I began to wonder how people perceived me, what did they actually think of me.

Like everyone I want people to like me, but I know that I have enemies and people who find me brusque and too black and white.  I have learnt to see the grey, I have learnt to ignore the haters and let go of people who no longer want to be friends. I have learnt  that perceptions are just that... perceptions.

But the lingering thought is still there, festering in the back of my mind... perceptions are just that but its what we put out to the world.  Its what we want people to see.   just a perception of who we are...

Discovering me

 I discovered a part of myself in Canada.

I always knew who I was and what I liked but living in Canada with my son and daughter in law helped me discover me.

I always thought that I could go live a quiet life in the woods, embracing a rural lifestyle. I discovered I am a city girl through and through.  I feed off the stimulation that a vibrant city creates.  I like the hustle and bustle, I like the convenience of a first class public transport system.  I like the independence of doing everything for myself.

I did learn to slow down in Nanaimo, Canada but I think I did not adapt well to the life.  I stopped going for my walks, I stopped writing, I didn't take my camera out much and I allowed myself to wallow. I didn't explore the town on my own, I didn't event take the bus.

I missed the city.  I missed knowing that I could go out and do things for myself.  I felt isolated in Nanaimo.  I missed my friends.  I missed the fact that here in Singapore I was also a woman, a daughter, a mum and a friend.  In Canada I wasn't a woman, I was just mum.

It did take me a couple of weeks to get used to the noise and crowds in Singapore, and I do miss my family and the open spaces in Canada.

Having discovered a part of me, learning more about me and discovering the rest of me is going to interesting.